Hello everyone,
I’ve been out of the Nexperience now for 5 years, well really, about 2-½ years as I left 5 years ago but stayed in contact and did not initiate no contact until 2-½ years ago. I have to remind myself of this because of my healing timeframe (I used to get very frustrated that it had taken so long). Even though I had left, as long as I allowed the N contact I remained in the N-fog and could not heal.
Once in No Contact my healing process truly began and the N-fog started to dissipate and things just got cleared and cleared. Things are good now, have been for a while, and I can finally say I’m over the N experience. Don’t get me wrong, I will never forget it and it has left it’s effects but the memories don’t haunt me anymore and I now truly realize without pain that I never really knew the Nstranger and that really, I was no more than a “flavor of the month” to him even though I supposedly knew him for 20 years and eventually married and was with him for 6 years.
When a better opportunity (these words came from his mouth) came along, even though he loved me ( NBS!!- ICK) he had to go for it (he married his boss, which equaled part ownership of a company (POWER), big house, car, $$$$) and I became his abuser that had treated him so badly and broke his heart? He cried and pretended he was having a breakdown (of course all due to how I had hurt him??) all the while dating his opportunity.
I found out about it all one year after we divorced and they had married. Talk about confused. It took me the longest time to digest and accept all this – I just couldn’t fathom anyone considering people as opportunities or not having any loyalty or love. With knowledge, time, no contact and lots of pain and struggle, I have come through it.
First I had to come out of denial, it was my protection, but it was also keeping me stuck. It is so hard to face the feelings that hurt us, but to get to the other side we have to. I remember Wahela saying “feelings are just feelings they won’t kill you” and they won’t, but they sure feel like they will. A few things I learned throughout the Nexperience have been;
*Omission is Betrayal (N’s will use this a lot – If they don’t provide the information it is not a Lie – NBS!!!
*When someone takes your kindness as a sign of weakness, WITHDRAW it!!!! (N’s will always take your kindness as a sign of weakness and then move in to over power you)
*When someone is mysterious or secretive, there probably is a reason and more often than not it’s not a good one (N’s love this mystery façade – it allows them all types of bad behavior and keeps you guessing)
*When someone speaks to you in a code and you find yourself constantly trying to figure out what they are saying realize you don’t speak the same language and it is intentional to keep you confused – Communication is essential in all relationships!!
*Never let anyone else’s opinion define you – know who you are and stand behind your beliefs
*Treat yourself with the same kindness, gentleness and patience you would anyone else you love
*Face you fears and feelings, just ride them out even if you have to do this repeatedly, eventually you will understand and overcome them
*Stay grounded in reality no matter how hard it is (The main reason I stayed with N and in the Nfog as long as I did was due to magical thinking = denial)
*Listen and take heed to your inner voice – there is a reason it is speaking to you and it can literally save your life
* Don’t give up it may take a while, but know that “this too shall pass” – IT WILL – change is inevitable we just have to hang in there in the meantime.
I’ve finally got me back and I’m still learning who I am, but I have internal peace now and I wake up and for the most part (I still have my days), I feel happy and generally upbeat and hopeful, as for the N, I hear he’s miserable (what a surprise) but you know what, he’s not my problem anymore, for I now realize I never even knew him.
Take care everyone.
XPOW
Total Members: 
