Books on Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

[gforce7]

Just wanted to add my recommendation for this book...

"Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers" by Dr Karyl McBride

About The Book

“But enough about me. Let’s talk about you. What do YOU think of me?” - Bette Midler as CC Bloom in Beaches.
When I was a little girl, I had a talking doll named “Chatty Cathy”. Whenever I pulled her string, she spoke the same phrases: “Tell me a story” or “Please brush my hair.” It may seem strange, but when I think about how to describe a “narcissistic mother,” I have visions of that talking doll. A narcissistic mother’s interactions with her daughter are as predictably self-centered as the Chatty Cathy doll. No matter how many times the daughter “pulls the string”- hoping that her mother will focus on her and her needs, the mother’s involvement with her is always about Mom. As small children we don’t understand these dynamics between ourselves and our mothers. Mom may look like the perfect mother, just like Chatty Cathy looked like the perfect friend, yet the child is constantly struggling with feelings of disappointment, sadness, emptiness and frustration. She is longing for the emotional support and nurturing that she never receives from her mother.

Will I Ever Be Good Enough?, is for the daughters of narcissistic mothers who have spent much of their adult lives dealing with the fallout of never having received maternal support and love.

Being the adult daughter of a narcissistic mother means that you were raised by someone who cared more for herself than she did for you. She approved of you only when your behavior reflected well upon her or your family. Since her love for you was conditional, you inherited a distorted sense of love and lacked the experience of genuine maternal nurturing. As a result, you have likely developed particular coping mechanisms: you hide or deny your pain, you become involved in intimate relationships that tend to be unhealthy or unsatisfying, you are an overachiever or a self-sabotager. There is the feeling, which directly relates to never having been able to please your mother, of never being quite good enough in relationship, career and life in general. Daughters of narcissistic mothers seem to flounder in life, struggling with chronic feelings of inadequacy and emptiness, knowing there is something wrong but not understanding what that something might be. For them, life thus becomes an agony of self-doubt.

Will I Ever Be Good Enough?, gives a voice to the feelings these daughters have buried, offers them insight into the origins of their pain, and provides a blueprint for healing that can be personally tailored to each reader. Will I Ever Be Good Enough?, explains the narcissistic mother dynamics to adult daughters and provides them with strategies so that they can begin to overcome their legacy of distorted love and enjoy their lives more fully.

Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, is a self-help book written for adult daughters of narcissistic mothers. In this book, Dr. Karyl McBride is sharing her years of clinical and personal research to help daughters heal.

[CZBZ]

Thank you for the recommendation, gforce7. I've not read Dr. McBride's book myself but will add it to my never-ending list of books worth reading.   I found this video on YouTube that members might be interested in viewing:

Dr. Karyl McBride discusses Will I Ever Be Good Enough?

Thanks for the recommendation!

CZBZ

[Sugar]

I've always wanted to read this book! I have heard a lot of good things about it.

But since I live with my NM and she notices everything, it's so difficult for me to do that.

[CZBZ]

O yes...be very careful taking a book with that title into your home, sugar. She won't take kindly to it!

I am reading the book right now...and it's very good. Dr. McBride was raised by a narcissistic mother and has found a way to work through it. She even has a relationship with her mother now...not the relationship she wants of course but she can deal with it.

When I finish the book, I'll post on this thread. We seem to have quite a few members with narcissistic mothers! For the longest time, we only talked about male narcissists.


Hugs
CZ

[Sugar]

We seem to have quite a few members with narcissistic mothers! For the longest time, we only talked about male narcissists.

I could be totally wrong, but I think it could be that sons and daughters are becoming more aware of NPD in their parents.

When you think about it, it's not that difficult to decipher NPD in a romantic relationship - a partnership is supposed to be completely equal with both giving and taking from both. Verbal berating and being a control freak is generally taught as a huge red flag for dysfunction by both upbringing and the media we encounter on a daily basis (movies, television, magazine articles, etc).

But how much do you see N parents in these sources of teaching us right from wrong in relationships? From my experience, not too much. Naturally, you won't get this information from your parents because they are the ones raising you themselves and if they are N's, they are the abusers. And in a lot of movies, it seems as though the mother is often "the victim of the horrible, neglectful, self-centered daughter". Too often, narcissistic behavior is passed off in society as "old-fashioned, strict parents", even when they are trying to control their children when they have passed 18 years of age. That idea of always giving the parent "respect" and being looked down upon as a "bad person" if you go against them when they actually do deserve it seems to be one pounded into the mindset of society.

But maybe more and more people of N parents are following their intuition that something is off and that being a parent doesn't equate to ownership/absolute control of your child, so they search for answers. Maybe people are finally beginning to challenge society's idea that "parents know always best". That's how I discovered what NPD - I had no idea what it was my NM had (I didn't even know it was a disorder) and I searched for answers on the internet until I discovered my answer.

I could be totally wrong, but that's just my two cents on the matter.

[Lady Nyo]

I think M.Scott Peck's "People of the Lie" (about Narcissism and Evil) broke that open for me.

Trouble was....the examples he used as 'evil' in parenting...well, they were rather banal (which, in many ways evil is).

My NM was much more terrifying in the emotional abuse range.  At 91, she still hasn't stopped a bit in her Narcissism nor in her abuse.

I only recently, realized I was fearful of her.  And I am 63.

When does it stop?  Only when we get the therapy (long process) and the insight that it isn't us...and fear keeps us in chains to them emotionally.  And sometimes physically.

Lady Nyo

[Lady Nyo]

Oh! And when we get the balls to say: "Enough".

For years for most of us, abuse is like water.  We get it and then we think we dry off.  It disappears. But it goes deep within.

This July 4th was my personal independence day: I went "No Contact" with the old mum because I had had enough.  When you drop your guard, they sense it, and then they have no problem with letting the abuse fly.  I had enough. My family (husband, son) had enough. We talked about it, and since there was no way to make her understand (hell, at 91, why should she? I was a scapegoat, and she had plenty of  people around be be her devoted handmaidens....and also to attempt to continue HER abuse) well, it just made more sense to turn off the tap.
Lady Nyo

[Adamandthemachine]

Hi all,

I've read this book and it's excellent.

This coming from the son of a daughter of a narcissistic mother. Great info all around and yet another valuable perspective on the subject of malignant narcissism.

Also hi, this is my first post

[CZBZ]

Hi Adamandthemachine! 



Hugs,
CZ