Please login or register.
Login with username, password and session length

WoN Forum

May 18, 2012, 09:01:17 PM
collapse

* Narcissistic Personality Disorder


* All About WoN


* New! On WoN Blogs


* The WoN Connection


* NPD and the DSM-5


* Recent  Forum Topics

Re: pOwned that. by newglasses
[Today at 09:00:02 PM]


Re: pOwned that. by daisyk9292
[Today at 08:34:10 PM]


pOwned that. by alatariel
[Today at 08:18:57 PM]


Re: Share Time! Post a Music Video! Say Hi! Introduce yourself with a song! by alatariel
[Today at 08:03:28 PM]


Re: Is it just me... by MoreMyself
[Today at 07:45:02 PM]


* All About You

 
 
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

* Shoutbox

Refresh History
  • Chime: Happy Beautiful Mother's Day!!!
    May 13, 2012, 09:06:03 PM
  • Chime: Happy May Day!
    May 01, 2012, 03:56:18 PM
  • Chime: Happy Holidays!!
    April 08, 2012, 09:32:48 AM
  • CZBZ: Hi sparkle! So nice to hear from you!
    March 28, 2012, 09:19:05 AM
  • Chime: Hello back!
    March 26, 2012, 01:41:03 PM
  • SparklePony: As I don't post very often, I just wanted to say hello to everyone <3  :)
    March 25, 2012, 03:31:27 PM
  • Chime: and hoping the members aren't "n"embers...  LOL
    March 17, 2012, 07:40:11 PM
  • Chime: welcome...  from the typo queen...lol
    March 17, 2012, 07:04:18 PM
  • CZBZ: Lol! Chime! THank You!!!
    March 16, 2012, 09:29:50 AM
  • Chime: ps - the pic there, and the qoute are excellent!!
    March 12, 2012, 08:29:06 PM
  • Chime: CZBZ - the welcome thread has a typo on "Members... Cheers
    March 12, 2012, 08:28:23 PM
  • Chime: ooops - hit enter when I shouldn'ta
    March 12, 2012, 08:23:17 PM
  • Chime: = what?
    March 12, 2012, 08:22:34 PM
  • Chime: ok - I am technologically challenged... alaterial: chime...
    March 12, 2012, 08:21:50 PM
  • alatariel: chime
    March 10, 2012, 07:18:37 PM
  • CZBZ: Good Monday Morning All!
    January 16, 2012, 12:44:14 PM
  • CZBZ: I have sent you an email, Farfalla!
    December 27, 2011, 11:31:53 AM
  • farfalla: I've only posted 2 post but can't even find them and have no idea if they even got reply.
    December 22, 2011, 05:44:06 PM
  • farfalla: being new I can't find this answer, there's just so much to look at, it feels a little overwhelming. Is there a way to have posts that a person has posted to have email notifiication that there is a response to a post?
    December 22, 2011, 05:42:20 PM
  • notakennedy: Dear all here at WoN, I am hoping you all have a lovley Christmas and New Year with your loved ones, it should be a time of healing and family, so as much as possible, look after yourselves and your children and be safe! It'll be warm here downunder for Christmas, to those of you where it is winter, stay warm and well!
    December 22, 2011, 01:54:35 PM
  • CZBZ: The holidays are a rough. Hope everyone is hanging in there okay!
    December 12, 2011, 12:57:40 PM
  • CZBZ: For everyone's comfort level: I do NOT have access to anyone's password.
    December 05, 2011, 02:08:43 PM
  • CZBZ: Follow the prompt when you're logging in asking if you have lost your password.
    December 05, 2011, 02:08:25 PM
  • loved2much: I forgot my password here when I went to change it, it asked for my old one and how do I get it sent to my email???
    November 28, 2011, 12:54:55 PM
  • loved2much: Hey I'm glad I came here when I was broadsided with the phone call last week.  I had an amazing Joni Mitchell concert last night and performed with many fabulous women musicians.  I am so fortunate to have blessings like this in my life that heal and renew me.
    November 08, 2011, 10:12:54 AM
  • CZBZ: I'm glad to hear that you're okay...being alone isn't nearly so bad as when you are alone together.  =tongue2=
    November 03, 2011, 10:50:53 PM
  • CZBZ: Hi there Loved2Much!
    November 03, 2011, 10:49:43 PM
  • loved2much: I'm alone and the season is changing but I am all right.
    November 03, 2011, 09:32:05 PM
  • loved2much: I'm anybody tonight
    November 03, 2011, 09:31:22 PM
  • loved2much: After 6 months he calls me to tell me that he never cheated with another woman and yes when I told him to get his shite out of my home because I was tired of supporting him and is abuse he connects with one of his students a property manager that now he has a girl friend with two kids and he hopes I find love again..  I told him to enjoy his life. and thanks for calling me.
    November 03, 2011, 09:30:32 PM
  • CZBZ: Two weeks since anybody 'shouted'...Hello! Anybody out there?
    November 03, 2011, 09:03:28 PM
  • CZBZ: Good for you! Never give up on yourself, right? Just give up on the N!!
    October 11, 2011, 01:59:13 PM
  • loved2much: I'm home from Nashville.  I gave myself permission to pursue my dreams and it was FUN.
    October 10, 2011, 10:33:34 PM
  • too_many: Yay - I'm so glad! I was wondering if I should write that the characters have developed a lot from the pilot (which I had just rewatched) :)
    October 05, 2011, 09:45:46 PM
  • CZBZ: Love this series! I'm catching up on prior episodes so I can watch this show on TV. Thanks a million for the recommendation!
    October 05, 2011, 01:43:17 PM
  • CZBZ: Thanks, too_many! I'll put it in my instant queu!
    October 03, 2011, 02:09:07 PM
  • too_many: CZ - Parenthood's up on instant Netlix now :) (has the Asperger's character)
    October 02, 2011, 07:52:44 PM
  • SydneyFireworks: HI MUMummy - how about you post a message in the Grand Hall so we can try to help you.  ((((Hugs)))
    September 16, 2011, 10:00:15 PM
  • mixedupmummy: I had his baby three years ago and moved to an isolated island miles away from him.  He's taking me to court to "teach me a lesson" and "bleed me dry".... I am terrified of losing my baby, but most immediately I am so worried I won't be able to cope.
    September 16, 2011, 07:43:15 PM
  • mixedupmummy: Help!  I've not been on for ages and the N has come back into my life with a vengeance!!!
    September 16, 2011, 07:42:11 PM
  • Imogene: 84 days of 100+ degree weather, now.  I can't take much more of this.  Half the trees in the city are going to die.
    September 15, 2011, 02:01:24 PM
  • Legs: I got to turn off the air con for the first time since February. I went for a walk and had to come back home and put on long sleeves!
    September 09, 2011, 03:45:27 PM
  • betterdays: Our cold front took temps from 105 with humidity, down to 95- 100.  Brrr, I need my snow boots now!
    September 05, 2011, 01:18:12 PM
  • Imogene: No kidding.  It's been 79 days of 100+ weather, some one told me.  Can that be true?  If so, it is just plain wrong.
    September 04, 2011, 08:57:43 PM
  • talia: Haha...Yes, Imogene! can't wait to start with walking outdoors again. I so need to!
    September 04, 2011, 02:55:20 PM
  • Imogene: I know!  Doesn't it feel GREAT!
    September 04, 2011, 12:41:20 PM
  • talia: Ecstatic here! Cool front moving thru North TX...Yippee!!
    September 04, 2011, 12:15:42 PM
  • CZBZ: Sunday morning and the sun is shining. How's everyone?
    September 04, 2011, 10:19:52 AM
  • CZBZ: ha! I love BRACKETS! Thank you!
    August 26, 2011, 03:30:11 PM
  • tango3: ((((((((())))))))
    August 26, 2011, 10:00:57 AM

* Calendar

May 2012
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
1 2 3 4 5
6 7 8 9 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17 [18] 19
20 21 22 23 24 25 26
27 28 29 30 31

No calendar events were found.

* Board Statistics

  • stats Total Members: 889
  • stats Total Posts: 69061
  • stats Total Topics: 9931
  • stats Total Categories: 15
  • stats Total Boards: 43
  • stats Most Online: 152

* Quick Search



* Inside the Castle


Pages: [1]   Go Down

Author Topic: I'm back!  (Read 436 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline gardengirl

  • Survivor II
  • ***
  • Posts: 177

I'm back!
« on: February 05, 2009, 07:53:24 PM »
I haven't checked in with you all in a while, and wanted to say hello, and that I still think of you all! I am new to this new forum, so I hope I'm posting correctly.

As an update to my life, I am still proceeding with my divorce. I finally sit down with my STBX on Feb. 18 to hash through the paperwork and such. He continues to live with his GF, who is apparently going to school to be a doctor, which freaked me out a bit to hear, because she is just 23 now, and I put him through school, which just seems all backwards... He apologized once for abandoning me, but it came just before another rant. I've learned to detach. He accuses me of not being nice. I'm not mean; I'm just neutral. I have to be, to stay okay... And most of the time, I am okay.

I did start dating four months ago, and it is going well, but I'm taking it slow. I liked him at first, but have been so cautious. He has been so patient. I take plenty of time to myself, so that I have perspective. He's not perfect. He has A.D.D. But he has wonderful boundaries with other women, and he is very very good at listening, and he doesn't deflect. He takes responsibility for his mistakes. So that is very refreshing. And we enjoy one another. We laugh a lot, and we have very similar values, things like living simply and enjoying creativity and family. He is attracted to me but really doesn't seem to care at all if I primp, which is totally opposite of my H, and I think is a good sign. Time will tell.

I still grieve, but it isn't so much the loss of my husband as the loss of the status and financial security and his outward appearance of having it all together. I am now facing selling my house, but if I do, I will take a loss. I'm learning how to do my own corporate taxes. I managed to secure more work for the time being, so I'm feeling better overall. My mind is slowly healing, but I still have nights when I wake up in a panic. I know this is going to take a long time, but I see progress in the way I feel, act, and am able to function.

I am experiencing this strange sensation lately, like the world I valued so much, that of achievement and glitz, to a degree (because my H was an accomplished academic, and we operated in a somewhat flashy circle), is simply fading away. In its place is ME... The me that I forgot a long time ago. I feel joy, but it has nothing to do with what I own. I get joy in the small creative moments I have. It's much simpler. Sometimes I wonder if I'm selling out, ducking out or something, although I'm still achieving success at work. I'm just no longer placing my eggs in that basket so much.

I also feel like my desire to hang out with my previous friends is waning, because they were all in that circle of achievement and having it all together. I no longer have the same level of income to spend. I likely need to continue to expand my friendships, but for now, I'm somewhat content to just have a few people close to me, and enjoy my kids, and heal. Is this normal? I don't like to think I'm becoming a hermit. :-) And my friends have continued to be kind to me, but in some way I don't feel like I fit in. Maybe this is normal with divorce.

I just found out tonight that my mom has been diagnosed with bipolar II disorder. Does anyone know much about this? My father also tried to commit suicide when he was in college, so I'm concerned about this mental illness in my family. I do fine, have been stable, except under extreme stress such as this past year. My 5 year old daughter has mood swings that are pretty severe.

Anyway, in general I'm doing much better, and I'm so thankful to you all. Blessings...

Offline practicaljude

  • WoN Advisor
  • Hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 2155

Re: I'm back!
« Reply #1 on: February 06, 2009, 04:26:37 AM »
Hello,

You sound great!  When I read your post the first time I got this feeling of "one day at a time" which I really admire.  When I started posting, and for some time after, I WANTED IT OVER AND OVER...NOW!  It took me so long to 'go with the flow' and accept the ups and downs, backward and forward motions of healing.  The saying about how healing does not occur in a straight line couldn't be more accurate.  Personally, I was off the charts some days and I'd get frustrated because I thought I'd been doing so well.  I experienced the flip side as well; when all of a sudden I feltl extremely calm and at peace with chaos all around me.

Healing hasn't changed except for the frequency and the extemes - my mood stays more even keel and somewhat balanced. And, believing that healing is life-long, it's helped me to be patient and trust change will occur and how to deal with it.

Guess I'm bringing all of this up because you will be meeting with him soon and beginning the divorce process - both emotionally demanding. Come back and post as needed.  I've come to learn and appreciate how walking down this path with fellow healing women has saved my life and I sure want to be here for you when you want to talk.

 =msn heart=
Jude

Offline CZBZ

  • Administrator
  • Hero
  • *****
  • Posts: 8648
    • The Narcissistic Continuum

Re: I'm back!
« Reply #2 on: February 06, 2009, 01:25:29 PM »
Quote

"I just found out tonight that my mom has been diagnosed with bipolar II disorder. Does anyone know much about this? My father also tried to commit suicide when he was in college, so I'm concerned about this mental illness in my family. I do fine, have been stable, except under extreme stress such as this past year. My 5 year old daughter has mood swings that are pretty severe." ~Gardengirl


Dear Gardengirl,

Depression runs in my family, too. Even though I never would have considered myself to be depressed, we ARE impacted by a partNer who is unpredictable, unchanging and emotionally distanced. Many people seek alternative ways to meet their emotional needs; like establishing close relationships with people who are capable of intimate connections. Good Friends can validate our worth even if the narcissist cannot.

What's sad is that many people do not seek external support which only increases their risk of depression because they are too reliant on the narcissist to meet their emotional, spiritual and social needs. It sounds like you've always had friends---though what you're seeking now is a more intimate relationship with them rather than distraction, or entertainment.

I don't know that this is true for everyone, but depression may the partner's typical reaction to a narcissistic relationship. Who wouldn't feel defeated if they had no impact on the most intimate person in their lives? If we are ignorant about pathological narcissism, we'll blame ourselves for relational problems. That leads to depression since the problem is not ours and therefore, we cannot resolve it.

Being rejected or abandoned by the narcissist also has a detrimental impact on our feelings of self-worth and value. That's true for everyone who experienced betrayal. We have to watch ourselves and make sure we are not allowing 'depression' to grow deep roots...that means taking care of ourselves and paying attention to any signs of depression.

If we need to seek outside intervention, we should Take Good Care of Ourselves by talking with a physician and using medication if prescribed.

More and more people are being diagnosed with Bipolar but that's because psychologists know more about this mental illness and are better able to diagnose bipolar than they could many years ago. There is a genetic link for bipolar in families though not everyone develops this disorder even if they had bipolar parents. I think the key thing is to learn about the signs of depression and be very honest with yourself about yourself. Don't ignore or deny the possibility---ask for help. There's excellent support for people with bipolar today and the good news is that bipolar can be MANAGED with medication and therapeutic intervention. Especially bipolar-II.

Extreme mood swings are early warning signs for Bipolar in young children; but your daughter's mood swings may be environmental. I think divorce is very hard on our children, whether we admit it or not. Bless your children's hearts! I know this is not what you wanted to happen to your family. It's heartbreaking but so is watching a father disrespect a child's mother. In that case, divorce is truly a blessing. When YOU stand up for yourself, your children learn to stand up for themselves.

When we've given the narcissist second, third and hundreds of chances to change and they still refuse to take responsibility for the damage they're doing to people who love them, the only recourse is to END the relationship.  =msn heart=


Hugs,

CZ










“The moment a woman comes home to herself, the moment she knows that she has become a person of influence, an artist of her life, a sculptor of her universe, a person with rights and responsibilities who is respected and recognized, the resurrection of the world begins.” ~Joan Chittister
Pages: [1]   Go Up
 


Thanks for visiting!