Building the WoN Barnby CZBZ
Ever tried building a barn by your self? Oh, you can do it, but most likely a few heifers will freeze before the doors are hung in place. If you’ve ever lived in Montana’s open frontier, you know what I mean about breathing through pin-sharp nose hairs while racing for the barn before frostbitten fingers shatter while wiping your nose. Even though it’s admirable for a farmer to be self-reliant and build the barn alone, social interdependence keeps cattle from turning into sculptures grazing on ice slicks.
Nature sets the farming community’s deadline and people ingeniously conform since her timetable is non-negotiable. Not even the most persuasive of narcissists could smooth-talk Mother Nature into changing her seasonal routine. There's a limit to her summertime generosity.
You've probably read about Barn-Raising in history books. A large group of people work together to accomplish a specific goal or purpose. In this case: building a shelter. Each person was integral to the process, generating good will and a sense of accomplishment; not only for the community, but for the individual. Without romanticizing the Barn Raising concept too much, there was a reason why people collaborated instead of hiring contractors to build the barn for them. Fact is, in the 1800’s, professional carpenters were few and far between. People had to figure out a way to build shelters for everyone in the community and if they could lift a few walls, rejoice, eat some apple pie and dance, then they not only protected their animals, they protected themselves with strong social ties.
Barn Raising as a collective doesn’t mean Farmer Brown agrees with all of Mr. Greenjean’s opinions about life. And it doesn’t mean Betty Crocker can’t make the best cinnamon rolls in the community by taking pride in her culinary skills. It meant they agreed to work together to accomplish a communal goal without sacrificing personhood or individuality. Just because Farmer Brown cooperated side-by-side with Mr. Greenjeans, didn’t mean they thought the same thoughts, adhered to the same philosophy, stopped thinking for themselves, or abdicated themselves from their moral responsibility as individuals.
I know that because my farming parents participated in community projects whenever someone had a need. They retained their own personalities and differences from the rest of the participants. My folks made me do a variety of community work, too---even if I didn’t particularly like being bossed around by a bedridden woman who needed me to wash her walls. To be honest, I wasn’t fond of a critical woman complaining about my tuna casserole when she was too sick to stand in her own kitchen. But hey, that’s life. There was a greater need for each person in our community and we learned to serve others without expecting people be anyone other than who they were.
With a rural environment forming my childhood perceptions, it was easy to see a social need for people seeking refuge during a healing process. I wasn’t a trained psychologist, but I figured as long as I had two hands to type, two feet to stand on, and enough common sense to talk to people, why couldn’t we build a large enough barn to share with other people?
I see direct parallels between the 1880's rural frontier and the twenty-first century’s cyber frontier.
Now the history of defining NPD began early in the 1980’s. When many of us were looking for Internet support, information was scarce as green grass in December. Experts on NPD were few and far between. Even professional counselors had a deficient knowledge about NPD. This lack of information meant cyber-pioneers relied on one another to share information and trade personal experiences. A spirit of camaraderie developed as N-forum members worked together to accomplish a group goal.
We were encouraged to rely to one another and eventually say, “Hey, are YOU willing to build a barn with me? I think I can nail a chicken coop together but it would be much more efficient if we shared one big space rather than doing this alone.”
We started building WoN in 2005. We were a small group of people who were learning about pathological narcissism, cluster B disorders, abuse, sorting normal from abnormal while the majority of us lacked psychological backgrounds or literary degrees. We slowly raised the WoN barn on MSN groups and even survived a few fires.
As is always the case with amateur carpenters, hastily built walls fell down and the roof nearly caved in, but we didn’t give up. We unlearned what we thought we knew about barn raising, and upgraded our construction skills. Over time, we began to see a three-step process for not only building a communal barn, but also constructing healthier boundaries for ourselves. Our new WoN forum is the result of hundreds of willing hands picking up a hammer and doing their best to provide safe shelter for anyone willing to do their share of the labor.
Building a barn, whether situated in a field or cyberspace, is a collaborative effort. That means a whole community of folks come together with a singular purpose.
Sharing the WoN barn is a mutually reciprocal responsibility and a privilege.
If you have reached the last implement in your self-sufficiency-toolbelt, we invite you to join us. If you’d like to sing and dance and rejoice in the community spirit by sharing your experience, your hope and your wisdom, we’d be pleased to welcome your collaboration. We can work together to build a healing community for ourselves and for others, too. 'Cuz baby, lemme tell ya---it's really cold out there when you're alone.
Hugs to all,
CZBZ
