Dear all,
I've only posted a brief excerpt of this article since it has excellent illustrations on her website. Click on the title of the article to read it in its entirety and study the image of the Drama Triangle. It makes so much sense. Once you see how 'triangulation works', you'll never forget it.
By the way, I noticed today that by signing up for Lynne's newsletter, you can download a free PDF of this article to your computer. let me stress that
familiarizing yourself with the Drama Triangle is essential if you're learning how to cope with a narcissistic relationship. I've found the drama triangle to be such a useful way to describe all human relationship that maybe we should petition high schools to add it to the curriculum?
Hugs,
CZ
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Whether we know it, or not, most of us react to life as victims. Whenever we refuse to take responsibility for ourselves, we are unconsciously choosing to react as victim. This inevitably creates feelings of anger, fear, guilt or inadequacy and leaves us feeling betrayed, or taken advantage of by others.
Victim-hood can be defined by the three positions beautifully outlined in a diagram developed by a well respected psychiatrist, and teacher of Transactional Analysis, named Stephen Karpman. He calls it the “drama triangle”, I will refer to it as the victim triangle. Having discovered this resource some thirty years ago, it has become one of the more important tools in my personal and professional life. The more I teach and apply the victim triangle to relationship the deeper my appreciation grows for this simple, powerfully accurate instrument.
I’ve sometimes referred to the victim triangle as a "shame generator" because through it we unconsciously re-enact painful life themes that create shame. This has the effect of reinforcing old, painful beliefs that keep us stuck in a limited version of reality.
I believe that every dysfunctional interaction, in relationship with other or self, takes place on the victim triangle. But until we become conscious of these dynamics, we cannot transform them. And unless we transform them, we cannot move forward on our journey towards re-claiming emotional, mental and spiritual well-being.
The three roles on the victim triangle are Persecutor, Rescuer and Victim. Karpman placed these three roles on an inverted triangle and described them as being the three aspects, or faces of victim. No matter where we may start out on the triangle, victim is where we end up, therefore no matter what role we’re in on the triangle, we’re in victimhood. If we’re on the triangle we’re living as victims, plain and simple!..."
"...We can’t get off the triangle until we recognize we’re on it. Once we make it conscious, we observe our interactions with others as a way to identify our own starting gate position. What hooks us? From where do I enter the triangle once I’ve been hooked? We begin to train our Internal Observer to notice, without judgment, our conversations with loved ones, especially those more “sticky” moments (where we walk on eggshells).
It’s helpful to learn what the costs and trade-offs are for each of the three roles. Each role has its own language, beliefs and behavior - it’s beneficial to know them. This helps us to identify when we’re on the triangle. Studying the roles also promotes a quicker recognition of when we’re being baited to play. With all that in mind, let's examine each role more carefully...."
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"Lynne has been in private practice for twenty years. She is a seasoned professional who today works primarily with motivated individuals towards acquiring a philosophy of life that not only increases their ability to deal with everyday problems but deepens their spiritual understanding. Rather than disease or dysfunction, Lynne sees issues and problems as the soul’s invitation to transform. Lynne draws on years of experience in dealing with all kinds of addiction and problematic family dynamics, having used a blend of modalities along with psycho-spiritual principles to promote problem solving skills, better communication and elevated self esteem." ~excerpted from her website:
LynneForest.com
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