If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, looks like a duck...

[CZBZ]

AN

From SADIE WU
2009

Sadie Wrote: "Hey, I had this great idea for the board last night.......you know, since my attorney called my ex a d*ck and we all know that stands for "duck", right?  (LOL)....and since if it looks like a d*ck, acts like a d*ck, quacks like a d*ck, waddles like a d*ck it probably is a d*ck and all that jazz, right?  Maybe what we need in our barnyard here is a d*ck pond...........

We could post all of the most outrageous, crazy, d*ck behavior that once you are away and look back on you just have to laugh at because it is so far beyond belief if you do not personally know a d*ck......but it is so at home at normal for the N d*ck pond, you know what I am saying?   and then on those days when you feel like you do not know whether to laugh or cry, and when they are working so hard to make you feel like you are the crazy one, you could take one visit to the d*ck pond, and realize that after all they are just a d*ck.....2nd cousin to a silly goose......laugh it off.....and more easily move on."

Sadie Wu


Excerpted from the thread: Striking while the Iron is Hot

And Thus, the Duck Pond came to be! Great idea, SadieWu! Thank you!

Waiting for an official diagnosis?

Betterdays says, "When it walks like a duck, I do not wait for the quack."

The Laws of Ducks

by Ken Fussichen

 
(use yer imagination...pretend it's a duck. I know you can do it. You already saw princes instead of frogs.)

Duck Law No. 1
If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, looks like a duck and cooks like a duck, it’s a duck.

Restatement: All things are known by their attributes.


Duck Law No. 2
Even under ideal circumstances, no duck, no matter how noble or well-intentioned, can be an eagle.

Restatement: All things must be what they are.


Duck Law No. 3
A duck can pretend to be an eagle except in times of adversity.

Restatement: Pretense and adversity are inversely proportional; adversity reveals the true nature of all things.


Duck Law No 4
No duck may be an eagle until it abandons its webbed feet and bill for talons and a beak.

Restatement: All things remain as they are until the attributes that define them are abandoned. Then, and only then, can they evolve.


Duck Law No. 5
Ducks are noble creatures. They shall not be penalized in the eyes of other creatures because they are not eagles.

Restatement: All things are honorable if they are what they are honestly, even if they are different from you.


Duck Law No. 6
The greatest duck that ever was cannot fly as high as even a modest eagle.

Restatement: If one would soar with eagles, do not swim with ducks.


Duck Law No. 7
Ducks flock. Eagles fly alone. Ducks and eagles never mingle.

Restatement: Choose company wisely.


Duck Law No. 8
A duck’s quack doesn’t echo. No one knows why.

Restatement: Sometimes there is no answer.

From forum member: too_many April 19, 2011

Duck Law No. 9
Ducks have screwed-up penises.

Restatement: They really do. Check it out: http://www.abc.net.au/science/articles/2001/09/14/366856.htm

[CZBZ]

I stumbled on thi old WoN thread from 2005 and thought it deserved to be added to the Law of the Ducks. Enjoy!

What Was I Thinking
 
by Lynn
 
Just what was I thinking in excusing his faults?
Why did I put up with his verbal assaults?
I ignored contradictions, saying "He's just that way."
I honestly thought he would grow up someday.
 
I first tried acceptance to dissuade all his rants.
If love conquers all, then he, too, had a chance.
If he could believe my intentions were true
Then he'd surely find peace. Why, he'd be like brand new!
 
To know what I now know would have saved me some strife.
He'll always be frightened of love and of life,
Refusing acceptance of guilt or of blame.
His faults lie with others.  It's always the same.
 
Just what was I thinking in trying to be kind?
What made me persist when no truth I could find?
I trusted that underneath all of his muck
Was a swan in disguise.  Now I just see a duck.

From: czbz1 Sent: 11/23/2005 10:52 PM
  
 
Adding On...by CZBZ
 
So waddling off to his new little nest
He snuggles in tight with the Robin No-breast
Pretending to be the red bird he's not
She won't even know, her libido's so hot.

But when she awakens from five years of sleep
She’ll cry, ‘What did I see in this coarse-feathered creep!’
Yet, I won't be bothered to give them a thought
‘Cuz me and my goslings have untied the knot.

With two golden eggs tucked beneath my strong wings
I'm ready to face what the lofty breeze brings
And onto a new lake surrounded by friends
We smile to ourselves: Swans prevail in the end.

I thought he was slowly becoming a swan
But sometimes the things that I think can be wrong
 My illusions have passed; and I honestly see
that a duck-head like him cannot sleep next to me.





 

Adding On...by Time
 
 
He played me so well, I truly was blind
But what would we expect from one of his kind
But now I'm much smarter, I'm right back on track
I'll claim my own glory, and get the last quack!

From: LynnS2274 Sent: 11/24/2005 7:15 AM

Dear CZBZ--This is wonderful.  Your add on is a classic.  LOL.  
 
Time, thank you for giving us the perfect ending to our story.  
 
We smile to ourselves: Swans prevail in the end.
 
Yes, we do.
 
Love you,
Lynn




From: eyes_up Sent: 3/18/2006 1:48 PM

You guys are great, i love it! thanks for the poem...




From: HurryingHappytobe Sent: 3/18/2006 9:28 PM

Wonderful!!
 
It is so nice to know that someone else understands.
 
Lynna
 

 
 
From: obstical Sent: 3/18/2006 11:37 PM

Love um love um !! Thank you O
 
 
 
From: Zivot1 Sent: 3/19/2006 7:56 PM


Well,  you guys managed to once again put humor on N. Sorry,  I'm no poet but had a thought that perhaps would fit your quack story.....
 
My parents (grandma and grandpa) lived by a pond and the three grandkids loved to go in the yard and watch the ducks, especially when the entire flock waddled really close to the patio with the little-bitty ducklings.  Eventually,  the grandkids grew up and the ducks were no longer so cute.  As any normal teens,  they got  bored at grandma and grandpa's house with no MTV,  no computer or video games and grandma tried so hard to keep them occupied.  'Why don't you kids go in the yard and watch the ducks like you used too?',  she would ask.  "Grandma, we don't want to go in the yard,  the ducks made a mess!"
 
Soon I would hear my parents growling behind their breath as they drag the water hose and buckets around the outside of the house damning those cute ducks.  They never realized that ducks crap so much blue-crap that stains the concrete and requires enormous amount of work to get rid of.  Then they noticed that there was blue duck crap on the window screens,  on the white garage door,  on the main entrance sidewalk,  on their new car windshield.  Now all of a sudden,  they were living in a house that was invaded by the duck blue crapping creatures.  No matter what they did to distract the ducks,  they came back crapping,  leaving their remains behind.   Grandma and grandpa were so happy when they thought that the ducks did not find their way back to the big pond after a cold winter,  that is,.....until they heard the first quack. Not so cute once you get use to them.
 
Since then,  grandma and grandpa moved out of their blue stained crapped house and into a new condo.  They love their new condo and guess what they love the most,  that they still have an eyeball view of a smaller pond but now the association runs around with a water hose and bucket!
 
Moral to the story....we are able to get rid of the problem only for someone else to inherit it.
 
I guess that my parent's looked like Elmer Fudd as I was waiting for them to reach for the shotgun and shoot the oncoming ducks in mid-air.  Do you suppose that Elmer Fudd was just a normal man that could not get rid of an N animal?

[CZBZ]

An Add-On to The Duck Poem!





Posted by long.road

April 18, 2011, 07:32 PM

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, a duck it is surely;
It’s an N thoroughly, completely and purely.
Its empathic ability is totally lacking.
All it can do is run around squawking and quacking
How this thing or that thing is very unfair,
How everyone’s failed it and people don’t care.

Just like water, good friends roll off its back.
It can’t get along and knows not how to act.
Most likely, it just does not care or give a crap.
Being mean and insulting builds power – part of the N trap.
It fuels the fire of the N flame –
Keeps the pride burning and wards off the shame.

A duck’s focus is ALWAYS on duck, never, ever on you -
Unless to point out all the things you don’t do.
Or the one thing you said so long, long ago
It can never forget and never let go.
You’re sorry, not sure what you did, but won’t do it again.
That’s when the torment and torture begin.

Of course, it has to be tit for perceived tat -
Even though your tat wasn’t all that.
Then with verbal assault, it has to better the score
Until your self esteem is prone on the floor.
Duck’s got a great way of changing the story
So his actions are just, and he grabs all the glory.

Duck says “I’m just trying to help” or “it’s just play.”
I’m still confused why the play is allowed to flow only one way.
My God, I’m walking on duck shells to get along with this drake.
I’ve bent so far backwards, my back’s gonna break.
We’ve been taught to give and want naught in return.
Well, I sure did get nothin’, feeling empty, sad – though I yearn, I’ve been spurned.

I’m mad at myself for letting this be,
For subjugating my feelings and choosing him over me.
I couldn’t believe I’d been so used, but it’s just my dumb luck.
Yes, it is true, I’ve been fxcked by a duck.

So let’s understand why it happened, so it doesn’t happen again.
I’ve been emotionally battered and beaten,
But I guess I’m stronger in the end.
I lived through it all and come out the other side.
I live, and I love, and I laugh, wide-eyed.
 
As my good friend Hope reminds me, there’s only one thing to do with a duck – don’t fret the loss:
Skewer him, roast, and serve with a raspberry sauce.