So...about that no contact thing

[sweetest_80]

I just got an invite from the exN to join Twitter....


Not sure what to do with that...I was afraid to even open the notice..

It may not even be from him (though I've been racking my brain and I personally dont know others with his name)



If it is, why 2 years later?????

[SydneyFireworks]

Hi Sweetest

I've heard of plenty of N's who have come back years later.  Sorry, I don't recall your story, but he could be trying to ensnare you back into his web because his latest love interest isn't working out.  Or it could be that he's invited everyone on his email list, knowingly or not.  Some of these networking sites have a feature where, with the click of one button, it will invite everyone on your email list.

Either way, I trust you're not going to accept!!

Hugs
Syd

[honeybearII]

In an N's mind, they would most likely say, "Why not?"  I have seen my exNH look up people who were barely acquaintances or who he had dropped YEARS before, and invite himself to stay at their homes if he was travelling that direction.  It always amazed me that he could schmooze people like that - dig them up after not being in any contact for years and just pick up where they left off.

To an N, people are to be used.  Period.  So they always keep them in the back of their mind and feel no compunction about contacting them after years if they need or want something from them.

Just consider it a huge cosmic joke and ignore it.  They are idiots.
Honey

[eyes_up]

Honey, It is always all about supply.

"To an N, people are to be used." ~ Honey

To an N, objects are to be used. People are not people as you an myself experience being human. I do not think a narc asks "Why not?".  It is the action - automatic way of redeeming supply. If XNH is currently not getting the supply that is needed ...as in the full amount...then yes contact is made...a requests for your energy and attention.

Since I experienced both narcissists coming back around..one after 2 years and the other after a year...requesting friendship, via twitter or other. Fact is that they don't care about any thing at all accept securing the attention that is required for supply . I mean you are married and  the audacity to request your company after a nasty divorce is just plain off.   The narcissists likes the flavor of deception and this is a deceptive move. Now, you are the other woman. It really never ends.

I say make it clear that you are not available by either no contact...that is the first approach..no response and if it persists block email address.

I never asked "why?" a narc made contact after all the facts unfolded...because the facts from myself are not the facts for a narcissist. There is nothing friendly about an iNvite from a narcissist. The narc is calling on the part of the other person that maintained a relationship of habit...narc supply for N and self extermination for other..that which you have over come and revised..but the narc doesn't see that or know about that . he only has the memory of a taste and a scent that tells him this has been a plentiful resource...I (narc) am hungry. 1 • 2 • 3.


Back when narcs made contact w/ me I did the most in terms of doing the least.  Clearing my name from the narcissist  list of potentials was the main goal. There is a skill at doing that because it has to be done with out producing supply.

So I wrote about it ..talked ot other people about my feelings but the narc received nothing but NC and firm non negotiable  message that I was not available. The non negotiable message was put to a narcissist that seemed to think he could just stop by my house any time he wanted to.

Again, narcissist have no boundaries. This is something to really see / understand. You have a husband - you have a new life with self . He doesn't see that you have a husband that your attentions are else where. Like my therapist pointed out to me...I am still N's property..my space still belongs to the narcissist. 

Narcissist never see a line of difference between self and other. It is all an extension. I hope this helps a little in understanding "Why?" .

Your decision, my decision to leave the narcissist based on the behaviors is completely over looked, un comprehended, unseen as if it has no validity. That is the narc mind. That is the fantasy and illusion the narcissist live in.This is the same reason why once the narcissist had been caught cheating he thinks things should just go on as usual. Because they don't look at the whole equation, they do not experience an other person...they don't experience  the full equation ..a narcissist only experiences being a narcissist.

another good answer to "Why?" is because the narc lives in illusion. In a world of illusion anything is possible and all the rules are made up by one person for all people, or in the narcs case, objects.

Finally there is the object that rejected. Do consider this to be at odds...do consider a narcissist hatred in these matters.

(((hugs)))

eyes

[sweetest_80]

No, I'm definitely not going to accept. I think it just threw me....
 
To go from d&d'ing me and refusing to even acknowledge that I existed for 2 years (we worked at the same company) to inviting me to be his buddy online is weird.


Apart of me wanted to accept out of curiosity, but I remembered those dreams I mentioned in the other thread. The ones where I accept the olive branch he's offering, and then he humiliates me and dumps me all over again.

[eyes_up]

Good Work Sweetest Using  dreams and the info that is presented ...bringing into 3-D is where it is at. Your dreams are working for you and it even could be said that those dreams were built on not only what has happened  in the past...what is understood in the present but even some intuition about what was to come in the future ,which , of course , is now the past.

I remember the narcs making attempts at contact. I remember various thoughts and feelings coming up and yes one was curiosity fortunately my wisdom out weighed any spontaneous feelings and radical thoughts. I just did no response and no contact and let it all just roll right on by.

Interesting that once you left you were pursued. that just goes to show me something I had already thought. As soon as the object has changed position with out the control of the narcissist ...they have to focus efforts on getting that object back into their head space the way they want it to be. You just broke the big rule. You did something out of the control of the narc. Makes a narc grapple for control of the object.

Good for you Sweetest.

(((hugs)))

eyes

[CZBZ]

"Apart of me wanted to accept out of curiosity, but I remembered those dreams I mentioned in the other thread. The ones where I accept the olive branch he's offering, and then he humiliates me and dumps me all over again." ~Sweetest

O yea...if you're ever in doubt about what happens to people when they return for round #2, 3 and 4, just read a message board in cyberspace. Once you've been D&Ded, you're always D&Ded. You will never be his or her beloved again. The most you can hope for is to be reduced to an object of lesser value. Value meaning what YOU can do for the N, never the reverse.

I'm impressed with your dreamwork, too. It tells me your heart is in the right place (you're willing to accept an olive branch of friendship), but your intuition knows only too well that you'll end up being hurt again. You must protect your dignity, your worth and your goodness first and foremost. Some narcissists are so malicious that they intentionally PLAY with the little mouse before biting off her head. it's fun for them, you see.

Some narcissists are simply oblivious to their negative impact on others.

Either way, continuing a friendship with him is probably NOT in your best interest. Put yourself first and deny the invitation. He's just testing to see if you're still available for another 'hit' of attention. I've read countless stories about people who were contacted YEARS after the relationship ended. IF they assumed the N had 'changed his or her ways' and was remorseful about their cruel behavior towards someone who loved them, they were usually in for another round of misery.

Hugs,
CZBZ

[Cornfield]

For years friends have asked me why I put up with the problems for so long.  Now I realize that for a good many years I really believed that talking out am issue would settle the matter.  I didn't pick up on the fact that he was done with me and that he didn't respect me anymore.  He would recede enough in the conversation to indicate that he wanted to go on with the relationship. 

I guess I didn't understand that someone would be so unwise as to dump the best person who had ever happened to them!    He needed me to succeed and I always thought he understood that.

I didn't give up very easily, did I?

Cornfield