The Narcissist's Lack of Empathy during a Divorce by Linda Martinez-Lewi

[CZBZ]

Excerpted from her blog: http://blog.thenarcissistinyourlife.com/

The Narcissist's Lack of Empathy during a Divorce

by Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Empathy is the human capacity to experience what another person is feeling and to perceive is from their perspective, not ours. Children learn to be empathic from early childhood.  It is a trait that makes a person a whole human being.  The narcissist is incapable of empathy.  His world revolves around him/herself alone.  Narcissists are never genuinely concerned about the tragedies or misfortunes of others. Some high-level narcissists, those who function very well in the world, affect a pseudo empathy that is exquisitely designed to manipulate others so they will fulfill his narcissistic needs.  As soon as the moment has passed, the narcissist removes himself form the stage, pivoting back to his major concern, himself.

The narcissist's lack of empathy becomes very apparent during a divorce or breakup. You feel like you are falling apart...crying, unfocused, in shock, disoriented, terrified. The narcissist is not only completely uncooperative but cruel. He or she will see you in distress and not only ignore you but place many blockades in your way.  Some narcissists heighten the terror by convincing your family members that you are having a psychological or mental breakdown. Some family members are swayed by these smooth lies. This level of cruelty not only represents a total lack of empathy but a level of vengefulness narcissists use to defeat their enemies.  The noarcissist has no reason to put up a pretense of a relationship with you. You have become very forgettable.  .

Informing yourself about the specific psychodynamics of the narcissistic personality and learning how to successfully deal with them (especially during a divorce or breakup) will allow you to move forward toward a life that is calmer, more peaceful and creative: a life that you deserve. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

[kelster1975]

I'm back, barely.  I haven't been on in quite awhile.  I started down the spiral, and I'm still not out of it.  I just got out of the hospital for depression last week. 

Why is this so hard to accept?  I can tell you, as the child, that N's have NO EMPATHY for even their children during the divorce.  It's beyond anything I could ever imagine.  I knew he was cruel, but this is beyond comprehension.

[Legs]

Oh, yeah......I can agree for sure. It's not bad enough that they shattered your entire world and made you practically crazy............sick and crazy and then the threats and the unbelievable nastiness...all of this coming from someone you thought you loved? It's sick-making. They are sick-making. All I can say is that at some point you will cease to be shocked by their behavior...I dunno if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but it was then that I was able to realize 100% that I did not (nor did I want to have) that 1% of hope that tied me to the monster.

If that sounds mean, I didn't mean for it to. I just read it back and it sounds kinda heartless, but that's what they ARE! They do not have a heart so it is a huge waste of time and emotions to ever think they will...not even for children or animals they they professed to love. Mine swore on the heads of his only two grandchildren that he had not been sexual in ANY way with ANY other woman during our marriage....late I realized since he had been sexual in EVERY way with many women, then in his own way, he was not lying...he wasn't just sexual in one way with one other woman....in his mind he was telling the truth, but he still swore on the heads of two children. If those kids got killed tomorrow in a car wreck, he would somehow make it my fault, even thought they live thousands of miles away. He would never once even THINK about what he said. It meant nothing to him. And when I left, he caught one of our cats and had her killed..he could not catch the other one though he tried. He used to hold that little cat in his lap and say how pretty she was. I took two cats and left him two....the two I left were outside cats before they came in and they could have gone back out. I think he wanted to kill them because he missed his chance to kill me.

I went through such a depression that for months I over-medicated and slept as much as possible....I wanted to die and I finally realize that if I did, he would win. he would say, she was crazy and killed herself. Now I am a poor widower (and I get all the money and all my secrets are safe)

Do not give him the satisfaction of seeing you weak anymore. Be strong for yourself and your kids. He will not take care of them they way they need. They need you to be STRONG and a warrior woman!!!! A MOTHER BEAR!!!!!!!! Stand on your back feet and ROAR at him the next time you see him. The only emotions they supposedly feel are fear, anger and jealousy so GO TO TOWN!!!!!!!

I am sending you some spare strength. I do not need as much since I haven't had to talk to the P.O.S. in almost six months. Stand up straight and tall and speak quietly in an icy calm voice. Look straight into his dead marble eyes and tell him you are fine. You are just fine. I hated it when people told me I would feel better one day. I can tell you thins for sure..I only felt better once I knew for sure and certain I was done with him. I think part of my true dismay was thinking what if we *did* patch things up and I had to live in that house with that monster. I knew if I went back to him, I would die. Either by his hand or by my own. I still may do that, but it won't be in his house and he will not get to celebrate my death except in secret.

Power ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GIRL POWER!!!! WOMAN POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Legs

[kelster1975]

Thank you soooo much for your response.  You are right on.  I said last week that I felt like he enjoyed my pain.  He does, doesn't he?  Of COURSE he does!