I did a little reading this evening because I have been thinking about the psychopath's attitude towards right and wrong. I always thought Husband had a good sense of what is right and wrong, but the criteria for psychopathy insists that they do not understand the difference between right and wrong. That makes them insane, doesn't it?
I'll admit that Husband loved to waffle on the subject and could think of many reasons why something was right or wrong, depending on what served him best. His FOO strongly believed that certain things were either right or wrong, so I always admired this supposedly straightforward style of calling the shots in a matter.
However, in later years, Husband did not personally choose right over wrong for himself. His ability to twist thoughts to suit his needs or wishes, made him a terrific con artist. He told me one day that if everyone understood that a person was a liar, they could laugh off the liar's stories, and no harm was done. I replied that if the victim of the lie acted with false information, he could be harmed by the lie, and then what? Husband gave no reply.
Inasmuch as Husband believed others thought the same way his mind worked, which was twisted, and difficult to understand, it is really impossible to understand just what the problem or problems were. I usually relied on co-morbidity of disorders as the best explanation I could come up with because there seemed to be continuing change and decline after his middle years. There must have been more than one disorder, plus physical illnesses.
I was convinced he was not suicidal, however he was constantly depressed. I never learned just how violent he could be because we avoided each other in the end. He didn't want me to gather anymore truth on his behavior for fear I would go public with his meanness, and I was constantly afraid of being killed. He was pretty quiet the last few years, but continued to the end to believe that he had total control of me. I wasn't about to give him any reason to decide he was losing control because I was terribly afraid the last couple of years.
I took the risk and lived through it all. I think my concern is that if I attempt to help others I want to know that I am getting it all straight before speaking out. Every case may be different, however that is little consolation to the person who may be unknowingly living in harm's way.
As abuse plays out in relationships, it is good advice to recommend that the abuser not be provoked. That is a good choice of options. So we know why victims don't leave: FEAR.
Cornfield
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