An Idea for our Healing

[Cornfield]

I am thinking about the time and effort I have put into watching the unfolding saga of the Casey Anthony case on TV, and trying to decide just how much longer I want to follow the news for my education.  I must admit that I have learned much and am quite validated by the reality that I view in other peoples' lives.  It has helped me hearl.

Now the Peterson case in Illinois has returned to the air with a fresh arrest and two unsolved mysteries to share with the world.  This is another example of varying degrees of psychopathic real life being brought to the public view.  We have talked about these murders before and shared our thoughts, which for me has been enlightening and healing.  The more I understand, the more I accept my past and am able to let some of it go.  Not everyone is wanting to engage in that type of TV viewing, however, as it can be very triggering.

I am thinking it might be a good idea to clean out a shed and put the conversation that comes up in a separate posting so those who want to follow the information can do so and know where to find the posts handily.  Those who might be triggered or who are not interested can just read what they prefer.

The organization feature that I like best about this forum is that the subjects are divided in a way that a person can read what is of interest and skip over other matters.  It is a huge improvement from the past.  Thanks CZ and also your son for making such an excellent arrangement for us all.  We should send cookes in gratitude.

Cornfield

[CZBZ]

What kind of cookies?  Can you make 'em without fat and sugar? Hummm...that'd probably be a cracker. Crackers for forum about Quackers. LOL...my sense of humor is coming back---either that or it's the Alka-Seltzer Colds Plus. 

It's taken awhile getting used to the new set-up but our tolerating our discomfort is worth the effort. I also like being able to pick-and-choose what I need to study for the day. If there are any suggestions people would like to make about WoN categories, just make 'em. I have a few more changes to make when my son has time to do the technical stuff that clearly, I CANNOT DO MYSELF.

Where do you suggest putting threads about current news events such as the Casey Anthoney case? I especially like the 'new post' feature on this forum which makes it fairly simple to find a new post or thread even if there are numerous categories. In case people haven't noticed yet, a Blue Butterfly appears in the far left column anytime a new message is posted in that category. This way, we can keep track of ongoing threads even if replies are infrequent.

I'd like to read more about the Casey Anthony case and talk about what we've learned about pathological behavior. This would be very much in alignment with our Mission Statement to educate laypeople about pathology so they can protect themselves from 'inevitable harm'. (Inevitable harm is a term coined by Dr. Sandra Brown and Dr. Liane Leedom). If people are partnered with a pathological person, they will---to some degree---experience Inevitable Harm. Maybe not physical harm or life-threatening abuse, but emotional, spiritual or psychological harm. It's inevitable. 

Let's get started! I haven't followed a lot of news stories I'd like to have followed so I'd very much appreciate it if you had time to manage a few threads about pathology-in-the-news.

Hugs,
CZ

[Cornfield]

I just took two chocolate cheesecakes out of the oven, but I will think about how to arrange the "study" while I am drinking my tea and resting a bit.

I think we should at list people like Scott Peterson and that guy in Utah who said he was going to med school, and the Peterson case and the Anthony case.  I think we should list those who have been identified on TV by professionals as psychopathic personalities so we aren't the people saying they have a little problem.

The Congressman from California was absolved in the murder of the young woman in Washington D.C. because they say they have found the murderer.

What I study is what the professionals say about the actual behavior of the people that they back up with video.  That tells me the most because I can relate to what I see and what I have actually experienced.  I like to read theory but that is not our position to do that here so I don't want to be mentioning my opinions.  It is reassuring to do comparison studies because it shows you didn't imagine things.

The amazing part of studying alleged psychopaths is noting the provable lies that they are so adept at telling.  The style is usually the same consistent woven tale, changing with the wind and getting bigger each time it is told.  It doesn't seem to matter that the lie is a lie.  I am constantly amazed at the audacity.

The other issue is the safety issue, and I feel strongly that most women are not at all adept at recognizing danger because they love the guy, and want to help him.
It is sort of like doing missionary work among the natives in a foreign country.  You don't know the language and you don't know they might just as well eat you.

It is unusual for psychopaths to break and tell the truth, but some have done that, without emotion, naturally.  The midwest guy who was activie in church explained himself well on video, but I couldn't watch much of it.  A little goes a long way!

I am thinking you could add another building on the farm, like The Shed or something.  I would never go to the shed on a "down" day, but I might go when I am curious about looking for something.

Or you could just make a Safety Zone and we could talk about our fears that are real, and get them out.   The killing of children is so troubling to us all, and that might include pedophiles.  I heard some discussion this week on the radio about identifying people according to their problems, so it could get complicated.

The other thing is that most are probably not that interested in the subject of psychopaths if they are healing and living a good life.  After you have gotten out of the terrible life, some may not want anything to do with studying the past.  However, a few of us benefit from digging in the past and clearing the air on puzzling experiences.  I have softened and modified a few of my anger issues a little.

I still ask "why" a lot on specific experiences.  Usually I come up with "because they like to lie so much" for an answer.

When I first joined the NPD board, several friends suggested that my husband sounded like a psychopath, but it took a number of years to put it all together.
He was not psychopathic when we were first married, however, just a control freak.

We tell each other to keep safe, but we could do more suggesting how to be safe.
Perhaps the safety issue is a good place to start a discussion.

Cornfield

 

[betterdays]

Cornfield,your comments really resonate with me.  I thought N was just a very gifted and somewhat troubled young man thirty years ago.  Now I realize he was NPD, BPD, and something else I cannot identify, all the time.  He worked hard to hide the lies, and he picked screaming fights with his mother back then.  Later the target became me, then me and d.

My opinion is that they do not show us their level of pathology all at once, and they do get worse over time.  This hiding and deceiving has caused me to have the impression that STBXNH was once a fairly normal, if moody and picky, young man.  It seemed that way for so long that I truly feel in my gut that  there are two separate beings called N.  My mind knows different, but to believe one thing for so many years does leave me with the feeling that N was not a psychopath in the beginning.  Except that I know he was.

[Retired Cornfield]

Betterdays, I am with you all the way.  I don't recommend living like this for 50 years as I did.  Regardless of all the reasons and diagnoses which we make, it is long past time to put all this behind us if we intend to live heathier lives for our futures. 

I found that it was a little difficult to spring myself out of prison.  God managed the job for me, so I am a very blessed person and thank God every day for my new life.  I have had cancer again, but it is a minor annoyance compared to what I survived. 

Life is very good on the farm.  Doing something as simple as planting potatoes is exciting for me.

Retired Cornfield.