Differentiation Narcissists and Psychopaths by Steve Becker

[CZBZ]

Differentiating Narcissists and Psychopaths

By Steve Becker, LCSW, CHT

"...The behaviors of narcissists and psychopaths can look very similar in their staggering disregard and abuse of others. Distinctions arise, however, in the explanation of their actions. The narcissist will crave recognition and validation. He will demand that others notice and appreciate his special qualities; his special qualities make his needs special, which leaves him feeling entitled to their satisfaction. He demands all this as if his inner self is at stake, and it is. Disappointment leaves him feeling unappreciated, neglected. Anger and rage then surface in aggressive and passive-aggressive displays, often in proportion to the hurt and vulnerability he can’t own.

"The psychopath is less obsessed than the narcissist with validation. Indeed, his inner world seems to lack much of anything to validate: it is barren, with nothing in it that would even be responsive to validation. An emotional cipher, the psychopath’s exploitation of others is more predatory than the narcissist’s. For the psychopath, who may be paranoid, the world is something like a gigantic hunt, populated by personifiedobjects to be mined to his advantage...."

To read the article, click here: Steven Becker

[Cornfield]

Steve Becker describes what I experienced better than any professional person I have ever read.  The understanding keeps coming to me, and I am freed from the puzzle, pain, and doubt that I lived with for so many years.

Thanks, CZ, for posting this article. 

Cornfield

[CZBZ]

You are so welcome, Cornfield. Thanks for commenting! We have quite a number of 'guests' reading our articles, so I keep on digging through my files for writings that helped me the most. I agree with your appreciation for Steve Becker. He has a great writing style and professional experience, too. It's one thing to study books but until someone has dealt with a pathological person, they really don't Quite GET IT. Nothing teaches people about personality disorders quite like getting to know someone with a personality disorder.

I like this particular article because it's so confusing for people to sort out the differences between Ns and Ps. Well, let's be honest. It's difficult for professionals to distinguish the difference which likely why the criteria is still be refined. In my own experience, I'd agree with Becker that narcissists are prone to rationalizing, denying, justifying even lying about anti-social behavior because they want to maintain their own 'superior/grandiose' image. Sociopaths/psychopaths don't bother. They don't care what people think of them. Becker helped clarify the sense I had about that distinction.

He writes: "Our narcissist, as you see, has a dim notion of ethics; but his ethics are corrupted by alarming rationalizations. He is expert at furnishing these rationalizations seamlessly, leaving him as if with the untroubled conscience of the psychopath. Our psychopath, meanwhile, has no ethics, and thus no need for rationalizations."

Excellent point!

Hugs,
CZBZ

[Cornfield]

CZ, I think that is the point when I noticed the big change in Late Husband because he said "I don't care what people think" and I was totally shocked.   He had always tried to be a moral person in the past, at least when we had conversations about ethical behavior. 

He had offended a business person at the office and I let him know that it was offensive to belittle the man like he did.   He simply didn't care.   He said it didn't bother him if people were offended at him.

Then I remembered that his grandmother had taught him, and told me often, that he never did anything wrong when he was a little boy growing up.   He was taught narcissistic behavior as they all practiced it in that family.

But I let it go at the time.

Cornfield

[CZBZ]

When the narcissist ages, he or she loses control over their carefully constructed and maintained defenses. They become more impulsive, less able to silence their thoughts, restrain their impulses, strategize or manipulate people they way they used to when they were younger. As partners of Ns, we'll witness the contradiction between their former persona and the person they've always been---not the one they've become.

It's so sad for the family and tragic for the narcissist who put a gosh-awful lot of energy into being someone he-or-she was not. You'd think after years of controlling their behavior it would 'click' and they'd suddenly transform into the person they pretended to be.

I guess narcissists are here to prove that Acting As If isn't a foolproof plan.

Hugs,
CZ

[Cornfield]

I guess it is a good thing my man didn't choose the theatre for a career.  He wouldn't have lasted very long.
I don't remember him being so arrogant and telling so many lies in the early days.   He worked hard, ate a lot, took a shower, and went to bed tired.  There seemed to be purpose in it all.
It was when he got to be a big time salesman on the lot at the RV business that I noticed the change.   He could sell an eskimo an igloo.   He sold an entire trailer load of Coleman "rag-top" campers and he hated campers of that type. 
When he couldn't move a top-end unit, he would raise the price and it would sell better.   He was hot stuff on the sales lot even when he hired salesmen to do the job for him.  He was big in the dealer association and he won factory awards for exceeding sales goals.   Something happened and I wasn't supposed to notice. 

When the end results were sent to the IRS, we hadn't made much profit, but that was not his goal.  He was afraid of success.  It ate him up inside somehow.   When he looked to me to defend his lies, I didn't comply.   That was the beginning of the end.   He had slipped into dreamland.   He wanted the money that came in for himself.   He didn't want me to know anything about the business, but I was sent to collect the checks for the units.  That was tough.
He comingled the expenses and it took a CPA to sort it all out.  He always spent the gross income.  He never studied monthly reports or profit and loss statements.  They meant nothing to him.

But he wasn't mean to me until the children married and left home, not overtly, anyway.  His health and his drinking took its toll on him.   I was left with a monster I couldn't manage at all.  There was no resemblence to the person I married in personality or otherwise.  What was I to do?   I believed in "for better or worse."  At first I thought he would be diagnosed, medicated, and I would have to spoon food into his mouth.  But he kept on the move.

After becoming a victim, I became a spectator of his demise, playing no part in his life.  As my present pastor remarked, "he left you long before he died."

Cornfield