documentary press release -- " I, Psychopath"

[Phoenixxx]

DR. CHRISTINE KIRKMAN
For an academic, Christine Kirkman watches a lot of television, Whenever she can tune in her life goes on hold for the long running TV Soap Coronation Street. It’s a guilty pleasure that gave her one of her best research ideas.  A former mental nurse from the “old institutions”, Kirkman is a chartered psychologist and senior lecturer at the University of Bolton, teaching psychology and research methods to registered nurses. She spent 6 years doing the “Soap opera to science” study for her PHD, published 2005.The character Dierdre Barlow was one woman who kept falling for the wrong guy. It culminated in a storyline that left poor Dierdre behind bars, doing time for the man she loved. Kirkman thought there may be other “Dierdre’s” watching the show.  Kirkman set out to explore the nature of the heterosexual relationship and it’s traumatic effect on the female partners who become victimised. She posed herself a question : If psychopaths are unable to form meaningful relationships, why and how do they enter into “love relationships”?Armed with the knowledge gained through her six years of research, she is now intent on educating women on how to avoid psychopathic men. Kirkman says beware of intelligent men who charm with flowers! She suggests there is a certain profile for the female victim, easily identified by the psychopath as a good target for his deceptive tactics. Kirkman says the damage experienced by victims is not well understood or dealt with by existing therapeutic practice – Kirkman is interested in addressing this.


In I, Psychopath, Kirkman interviews Sam Vaknin’s wife, Lidija, just as she did her previous subjects to examine the nature of her relationship with Sam. Kirkman gets Lidija to complete the P-Scan to get a sense of Sam’s psychopathy score and does various personality tests (NEO-FFI, EETS) to see if Lidija fits the profile of the “suitable” female victim (high empathy, “co-operative”).

Summary of Dr. Christine Kirkman’s Study into the Partners of Psychopaths
Kirkman’s study identified:
A) Common themes in the nature of psychopaths inrelationships:
1.Manipulation through charm and plausible interaction (deception)
2.Pathological lying (deception)
3.Economic abuse
4.Emotional abuse and psychological torture
5.Multiple infidelities
6.Isolation and coercion
7.Physical Assault, sexual assault and rape
8.Using children and maltreatment of children

B) Four discriminating characteristics of the psychopath that manifest in the context of an heterosexual relationship:
1.the psychopath can use pathological glibness to gain power over the woman;
2.thrill-seeking and the antisocial pursuit of power provide the impetus for this process;
3.the absence of guilt is the reason that thrill-seeking and dominant urges are satisfied without being harnessed or deterred by guilt.

C) Commonalities in the experiences of the female partner
1.common personality traits, especially high empathy (assessed via EET and Neo-Five Factor Inventory tests)
2.eventual detection of deception in the relationship
3.ego-defence mechanisms used to reduce anxieties
4.significant physical, social, psychological damage from the relationship


Conclusions of Kirkman’s Study :
•There are males living amongst us who have the behavioural/personality features that define psychopathy and forming a relationship with them is profoundly damaging.
•The damage experienced by victims is not well understood or dealt with by existing therapeutic practice
•Heterosexual relationships with men who have psychopathic traits were shown to be qualitatively and quantitatively different from both normal and “bad or stressful” relationships
•Evidence of “successful psychopaths” (all had committed crimes) + “evolutionary success” - they are able to recognize easily exploited co-operators through a range of potentially advantageous and identifiable characteristics (especially empathy)
•Based on her findings, Kirkman developed a theoretical model to understand how a psychopathic male establishes a heterosexual relationship – “The 5 Prerequisites Model” [good summary of all findings]

Coronation St Scenario – psychopaths in popular culture
• When watching Coronation St, Kirkman noticed massive public interest in DeirdreBarlow’s story of being duped by a psychopathic lover and saw the opportunity to access female victims of psychopaths (17 million viewers)
• The particular storyline (1998-9) was the one in which Coronation St character Deirdre Barlow was deceived and manipulated by the TV soap’s fictional psychopath, Jon Lindsay. Jon had posed as an airline pilot, conned Deirdre, committed fraud and she was thrown in jail for his crimes. The British public started a big grassroots campaign, pleading with Granada Television to "free the Weatherfield One." The Home Secretary even involved Prime Minister Tony Blair, who, with only a touch of irony, attempted to intervene on Deirdre's behalf. When another of Lindsay's victims came forward, Deirdre was released and Jon was finally made to pay for his crimes.
• Kirkman phoned Granada and researchers confirmed that the John Lindsay character came from psychopathic personality, based on a real experience.
• Kirkman placed ads/articles in local papers: ‘Were you duped like Deirdre?’ to find her research subjects.


Kirkman’s “5 Prerequisite Model”
The heterosexual relationship pre-quisites for males with psychopathic traits forming a relationship with a non-psychopathic partner
MOTIVATION
LACK OF INTERNAL RESTRAINING FORCES
IDENTIFICATION OF SUITABLE VICTIM
CREATING CONDITIONS TO SECURE ATTACHMENT OF VICTIM
OVERCOMING EXTERNAL INHIBITORY FACTORS
HETEROSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP ESTABLISHED


The 5 Prerequisites Model
Based on the findings of her study, Kirkman devised the 5 Prerequisites Model to explain how psychopathic males establish heterosexual relationships, which can then be used as a context for victimization.
All 5 prerequisites have to be in place:

1.Motivation
•Sensory deprivation and the pathological need for thrill-seeking
 
2.Lack of internal restraining forces
•Lack of conscience and of an empathic concern for others

3.Identification of a co-operative victim (vs defector)
•To identify and eventually partner a female who is manipulable, easily exploited and co-operative
•Study showed these are women who are highly empathic and are easily identified through a range of behaviours which show that they’re co-operators
•Eg, sharing resources, being honest in communication, being affiliative, having pleasant temperaments, being non-aggressive, and having high emotionality
•Women who are, in biological terms, defectors (uncooperative or cynical) would be avoided by the male as pursuing women with those traits would fail to serve his best interests.
•Vulnerabilities– many of the women were vulnerable at the time of meeting the male due to their youth or past unhappy experience.

4.Overcoming external inhibitory factors (reservations of family & friends)
•Pathological glibness + successful deceptive tactics used to convince the woman’s significant others of his suitability as a future partner, or convince the woman to reject the influences of outsiders.

5.Creating conditions to secure attachment of victim
•He invests considerable effort into securing the female’s attachment; the woman’s trust in the male was quickly fuelled as he pursued her with charm.
•By creating attachment security, the woman’s empathic tendencies become available for exploitation

[Phoenixxx]

Kirkman says the damage experienced by victims is not well understood or dealt with by existing therapeutic practice

RIGHT!


so where shall I go to find answers I can use?

who's got any answers?

[Cornfield]

I don't understand your questions, Phoenixxx.   What answers are you seeking?   How to avoid that next time?

What caused us to sink into the black hole in the first place?  The reasons behind the deceptions? 

Advice in avoiding these monsters?  How to heal from the damage?   Now there's a good question!   

It all depends on what you want, relationships or not, and what your goals are, simple or complicated. 

I'd like to share the joy and freedom, but don't know the particular roadblocks. 

I take a little risk with people, and then back off immediately when I notice roadblocks.  It's disappointing, but I am loyal to me.   And I know what I need to be peaceful.   It doesn't take much.  At least it's better than the past, that's for sure.   Even this board is a risk for friendships, but worth the time and mental exercise.

I always go back to the first thing I ever learned on support boards:  "If it isn't working, quit doing it!" 

Cornfield

[Phoenixxx]

Well, I'm not sure I'm articulate enough to describe what exactly is wrong with me still.  I CAN articulate all the stages and states that I have already progressed through in the 3 years since my exN/S and I broke up.

I can tell you which books and articles I've read and learned from.  I could list all the support forums I've joined and left or been banned from.

I can explain how I diverge from the group think, and all the ways in which I agree with it.

But I am not sure I could articulate how the way I feel these days is still....damaged.

I'm not grieving although I still have moments of tears.

I'm not depressed but I do lack joy and pleasure in my life.

I'm not resentful or hateful anymore although I still have violent fantasies.

I dont feel defined by my experience with him, but I cant quite seem to find my way back into MY identity.



But I can try to describe it.

I can try...



If he was some sort of vampire of some psychological or spiritual sense


then I'm still shrivelled up and dried out

I'm still walking cardboard

I'm still dessicated.





And as brilliant as 2 of the 4 therapists are that I've been with in the last 8 years
and as much as they knew of the damage we expartners sustain
either from their study or their own experience

there's a big missing piece.



ALL these books written by professionals who have studied and researched N's and P's and S's
and so many of them written FOR survivors
are written ABOUT the predators/abusers

and only ONE I've read for the survivors is ABOUT what happens to us ("Women Who Love Psychopaths")

but I have yet to read any that are about our RECOVERY!



If the prevailing wisdom is correct, that there is little to no hope for recovery for the abusers

then why

(seriously, I'm so upset about this issue)

why arent there more studies, research, books written about recovery for the ABUSED???



Cuz I'm here,
I worked so bloody hard to survive when I could have died countless times in the last 8 years...

I would love it


so


much



if someone could figure out what to do with us....

could figure out what we could do for ourselves



that doesnt just feel like a pat on the head and a "there there".  I'm sick of hearing about socializing, candlelit baths, buying a dog, gardening, buying a new wardrobe, and all the wonderful things that we should all be doing for ourselves to show us that we love ourselves and are taking care of ourselves.  Because I have come to fill my life with all the things I SHOULD be doing in order to love myself.

But theres that big missing piece...the piece that actually FITS the particular inner damage we've sustained, that addresses the feelings of having been spiritually bled dry that bubble baths, and even really good, really expensive therapy dont address.

I dont feel I'm being articulate, so I'm not sure if anyone gets this bitter frustration I feel right now.

[Cornfield]

Now I understand, Phoenixxx.  I felt that way for a long time because I was raised to please others, not myself.   It took a very long time to have the nerve to live to please myself.  I thought everyone needed my services and I would be letting them down if I slacked off on service to the family, or others, for that matter.

I suspect the reason there aren't books out there is because this is a relative new issue being talked about publiclly.  You were never supposed to admit that you had a secret problem that was awful because then you were considered ungrateful, and really selfish to not appreciate all your spouse provided for you.  Yes, he provided for you like he kept his car in the garage.  We are still objects in most people's eyes, and people laugh at the problems, as if they are to be expected in a relationship. 

I am a woman of faith, so reading my Bible and believing that there is truth in that book somewhere for me has helped a great deal.  But this is a personal journey, and one size does not fit all.   I think eventually a couple of people like CZ, for instance will come out with written material that is a do-it-yourself manual not only for survival, which this board is, but in addition will give practical learning programs to help us along the way.

I doubt that some professional will succeed with a good book unless he or she has personally traveled the road intimately, as we have.  As a died-in-the-wool do-it-yourself-er, I am well experienced to run my own race, and talk to others about it as I go. 

I am pleased to be able to read a list of the recognized causes of this terrible trauma that we lived.  I read for many years before I hit the target in the middle of a winter night on my new computer five or more years ago while my husband was off enjoying himself in Florida.  I had refused to go with him because I said it was no vacation for me.

To write down the recipe for recovery will take many more years.  I submit that we are individually writing down the lists on this board as we struggle with questions and answers.  There is an article in today's paper concerning psychological trauma in nurses at a major hospital.  They say that it isn't understood for them.  But they know that they suffer.   The recommendations are meditation and yoga.  My body won't bend for much yoga, and I knew that I would get arrested if I took a ballbat or a gun to my husband during his worst moments. 

We are on our own in the type recovery we want to achieve, I believe.  My first decision was to never attempt another relationship because at my age I wouldn't want to run the risk of becoming a caregiver, and I know that I can't manage pushing a wheelchair, regardless the potential benefits.

My second goal is the less work, the better, and I still have a way to go.  Along with that is to concentrate on better physical health as a necessary adjunct to good mental health.  They are inseparable.

We have to work to live, financially or otherwise.  In some cases we have to do it all ourselves, besides many of us have dependents to provide for as well.  The job is huge.  The benefits are risky.  I found most of Dr. Weil's suggestions on living a good life to be helpful.  I don't watch the daily metro TV news because I don't need to know how many people were raped or shot before I go to sleep at night.  I do the seven healthy habits of a long life.  I read the newspaper because there is not a voice or traumatic photo, most of the time. to trigger me.

I want to live, really live.  I define that to my satisfaction, according to my physical and financial resources.  I have a difficult time keeping my desires reasonable.  So discipline is part of my daily routine.  And I know that I can learn from others, considering that I am a devout, independent creature.  I must use a couple of my talents, whether or not I have time for the hobbies.  I struggle to be social with others, but I like to talk to any willing listener.

I continue to need to tell my story, over and over, and I have noticed that it is not so gruesome as I made it at first telling.  The edge is off the details, and I sound more accepting of my lot in life.  I read a lot, without purpose at times, just to keep my mind busy.  Sometimes sweeping the garage is mentally healing for me. 

To summarize, I know that I am winning the battle, slowly. to make the pain go away, and to keep a bit  in my consciousness so that I don't get in trouble with sick people again.  I don't volunteer for caregiving activities on the theory that I have already done my share in this world.   My parents are deceased. 

Sometimes I think I should schedule a good sobbing cry to wash out the tears that hide in my soul.  I keep emotions too tight to my chest these days, so I look like a good sport.  I am no good at sports, really!

You have to go looking for little joys, as they don't fall in your lap in this world.  My flowers cheer me on.  Growing food fills me with hope, even when the moles eat all my vine crop seeds.  It is a challenge I am accustomed to doing.

I get inspiration from the people who are struggling on this board.  They make me feel like part of the team. 
With experience, we will win.   Just choose one thing at a time.

Cornfield

[Phoenixxx]

I read everything that you wrote that sounds so beautiful and life-affirming.  I am glad you get positive and constructive things from it.

I can tell you I've been doing everything I've had suggested.  My life is a good life, in fact my life is a damn good life.  But *I* am not good.

And I dont feel at all attached to this good life I have.

I dont feel attached to the world even as I move through it and take action.

I dont feel attached to the people I love even, which is nonsensical to me but thats because of whats broken or missing in me.

I've been an artist my whole life, so I've always noticed and soaked in Beauty wherever I see it, hear it, smell it, taste it, feel it.  I still do, except I dont feel anything anymore.


And yet I am not depressed.

So while I do many similar things to you, because I believe people like you or my therapists that thats what I should be doing...aint nothin happenin.


And I'm sick of nothin happenin...I'm angry about it too, maybe thats coming through in my words.


Cuz I havent ever thought of myself as a victim, or less than, or weak, or small or whatever...and yet I just KNOW, something got spoiled or ruined or dessicated while I was with him, and I cant seem to fix it.


My thoughts are, that since some, very little research has been done now on expartners of N/S's so that some, very little understanding has begun about what particular things happen to us internally that we arent like other survivors of trauma, because our expartners were cunning, insidious manipulating and relentless in their techniques.  They create changes in our brains like trauma bonding and complex post traumatic stress syndrome.  They create so much self-doubt, that they almost unmoor us from the reality of our own physical sensations of our world.  They almost convince us that black is white.

I believe that the same advice for recovering from other trauma (like natural disasters, plane crashes, bombings, even rape) must somehow be different for those of us who were repeatedly, systematically and regularly traumatized by people who f'ed with our brains.  I can tell you that for most of the 7 years I was with my exN/S he did his number on me every single weekend without fail, and even some weeks during the week as well.  I sometimes wonder if there is a particular regimen for people recovering from cult abuse, because thats the closest thing I can think of to what we experienced.

I dont want to feel this way.  Despite what some therapists suggest, I get absolutely no pleasure at still being "affected" 3 years after the breakup.  Theres no pay off for me.  Its holding me back from all of the parts of life I value and have found pleasure in pre-Nabuse.  I'm incredibly angry that I'm not able to get my head back into that place.

Does anyone else feel this way?

I had a month or so where I actually felt pretty damn good, not normal but good...and it all just faded away again and here I am...back in this desert.  It was a nice oasis while it lasted.  I'm still doing all the things I was doing when I felt that way.  But the good feelings just sunk into the drought again, like a 5 minute rain disappears without a trace in the Sahara.

[LDW]

Keep trying, accept that this a life experience that not all of us go through but many many more than you'd suspect. You're not alone. It's not all that bad, life can and will have meaning and a purpose again. Trust in that. Go out, force yourself to meet up with people, start a new study, exercise your brain on a different matter or loose yourself in something completely stupid. See inspiring documentaries, films, hang on to that spark of life that's inside you. Exercise, be proud who you are. It's there, you know it is. You're a survivor, you're stronger, you're a wiser person.
YOU decide, you're the master of YOUR life.