Chrysalis
by seaschellz
During a growth stage of a caterpillar's life, it goes through a period called the chrysalis. On the outside, it may not look like much is going on, but inside the coccoon, a major transformation is taking place. The delicate wings, with their intricate design, are being formed, as the fuzzy caterpillar changes from its former self, into something dazzling.
For most of my married life, I was encased in the dreary coccoon that exNh had made to keep me from realizing my "full potential", making it easier for him to "control" me. He only wanted me to "dazzle" when it was for his benefit. He never wanted me to "dazzle" for myself. He had warped my life, taking my sparkle/humanity/esteem to use it for his own. He drew on my strengths to flesh out his weaknesses, until I was drained, and his tank was full. He used me and his OW's to fuel his insecurities, and make personal/monetary gains. Whatever suited his fancy at the time.
I spent many days, nights, months, years, trying to figure out, why he no longer loved me, and what I could do to make myself better, so he would love me again.
To be cheated on by someone whom you worship, has to be one of the most, demeaning demoralizing, and spirit breaking experiences. You have feelings of self doubt, self hatred and decreased self worth, that take forever to overcome. I did not know if I would ever recover. Now, he has moved across the country, and hopefully, I will never hear from him again.
How things have changed! He no longer matters in the way that he used to. I am transforming, day by day, now that I am no longer under his thumb, and morphing through my own chrysalis...to emerge strong and dazzling.
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