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~Solo
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« Reply #30 on: March 17, 2010, 09:32:59 AM » |
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Good morning all,
I will try to remember just what I typed yesterday that I lost!
Susy-I too can relate to the love addiction stuff. It's a tough pill to know that you may not make the best love decisions.... Thanks for the links!
Eyes-I went to a CODA meeting three times in one week during another angle of figuring out what my/our problems were. I, of course trying for the longest time to work on me. I never went back after that week because I didn't feel like it was for me. I saw a lot of defeat. I actually felt like helping others-I didn't even think about myself at that point. Not what I needed...
CZ-Yes, he uses his anger to keep me from disagreeing, talking, questioning, etc. Then, if that's not enough, he'll pick up an item and actually throw it or act as though he will explode and throw it. Two days ago, he acted like a three year old - screaming, holding clenching fists, and turning red in the face. And NO, no 12 step program because, as he says, "I (he) don't have a problem, all guys do it, and I only uses it a 2-3 times a month". The thing that makes this difficult is that my N is so charming and has the best social skills, shows such care for everyone, is so loving to dogs and kids, etc. Just how could I assume that he's so far down the rabbit hole of Narcissism? It really screws with my head. I feel "crazy" for thinking the worst. I admit, I have always been suspicious of his nature since we met. I don't know why I stayed when I had doubts (something for me to look at on my own). I guess because when I'd mention to him, "I don't know about you... you seem to be like this or that", he'd respond in a way making me see that he is such a great guy. And, how could I argue with literally everyone we see that he knows basically congratulating me on such a grand catch!!
Blue Sky- Congrats to you on your hard work. It must have been very difficult to leave him considering you were dealing with your own stuff. It appears to be keeping me here longer than I should have been!
Honey- You are unbelievable in what you endured. I DON"T know how you made it! It's only been four years for me and my hair is falling out! I have been saying to my N husband that actions are louder than words too. It's true... He claims to be changing and doing what I want, but really he isn't. He "appears to be. Again, I get lost in what the reality is and most times feel guilt later for being too hard on him as he suggests time and time again. AND-you are right about the underground movement. When I found porn for the first time in our home computer, I have NEVER found it again! He has his laptop and never even uses the home computer anymore. Also, he takes the laptop with him everywhere (but how dare I suggest he's some pervert jerking off somewhere to images on his laptop-as he puts it?). It's funny because he finally just admitted to me that he uses it from time to time. I didn't find it. That confuses me. Why did he make himself out to be a liar since he's been telling me for years that he doesn't use, told me he wouldn't, said I don't trust and believe him, etc.????? Doesn't make sense and makes him look bad.
Peartree-I'll read more on gaslighting... Seems appropriate.
~Solo
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