[The narc actions were about his disorder and were not about my worth. In order to get to that head space I had to detached and let go of the narcissist as a partner that I related to as a decent mirror. What I deserve and what I am receiving were no longer confused. Narcissist do not lie and manipulate, cheat and thieve because that is what I deserve.
They do it because they are disordered. So, the question for me is am I going to continue to settle for a persoN who is not able to love.
That is such a HUGE piece of wisdom!!! Thank you for posting that. I recently ran across an email I had written xn (but did not send). It was at the very beginning of the break up. I had never read ANYTHING on NPD, never been on a board at that point or read a book, but his behavior was all I needed to know. Here is what I wrote:
I understand that everyone fights their inner demons in their own way and apparently it is very important for you to always be seeking, manipulating and sleeping with many different women at the same time. As this is something that I saw with my own eyes, surely you understand that I have no desire to be in the middle of these types of actions.
It is too bad that you left that dating site page open, or perhaps you did it on purpose hoping to cause hurt or harm.
Maybe in the future you will have enough self discipline not to be writing other other women when you are sitting next to another one.
But I noticed a long time ago that you loved fantasies way more then reality. Always looking for something outside of yourself. Something out there that was going to make you happy. Never wanting to to know that happiness is internal and not based on outside circumstances.
Therefore writing to a fantasy (a women that you had never met and that lived in a different country was more important than the possible consequences of their actions.
I understand that if I were important to you maybe you would have been more careful. And of course, I am well aware that emaiIing that women while at my house was half the fun for you. That was an added bonus and thrill, to think that you could get away with anything and that was too dense to notice. I only mention it for the future, maybe next time the error will be more costly.
From my journal the same day;
I think I see him fro what he really is. Devoid of emotion and never connected to me or anyone else. Desperately seeking sex and attention to validate himself. In the same way that I sought validation from him.
Total Members: 
Topic: Do or die? (Read 1424 times)
