Narcissists in the Workplace
Originally posted in March of 2006
(some names have been changed to protect anonymity)
From: obstical (Original Message) Sent: 3/22/2006 9:31 PM Hi everyone...I'm trying to figure out how the hell I got caught up with an N at work or maybe just a very difficult employee. First to understand my suseptability and also to avoid similar situations in the future. So please my apologies over the length but I wanted to explain the context of the story and what has happened to see if any of you can see patterns that I should of heeded and must avoid in the future.
Context: I started a new job recently and had to in the course of a few days hire a number of staff, set up the office and well producing on a large scale within a week. THusfar we've been very successful but it's been stressful. My predecessor left about three months before I was hired an in that space of time other supervisors basically free shopped and took what they wanted from computers, files, productivity lists and well almost everything down to staplers and three-hole punchers LOL. I knew this going in but starting from scratch and equiping, staffing and trying to update data in the last two weeks has kept everyone busy along with trying to meet some impossible deadlines and goals has kept me and all the staff very busy.
I inherited two staff members a worker who basically has been a great help particularly in familiarizing new employees with materials and training...he's gone beyond the call of duty always coming in early and leaving late to try and catch us up. I also inherited a clerk and basically the person who was supposed to be my right hand man. This person I went to some trouble to insure that his salary remained the same where as the other worker according to Complany policy had to be paid at starting rates again. The worker said it was fine, the clerk wanted more. THe clerk also insisted for health reasons to leave half and hour or an hour earlier than everyone else. The clerk from the start insisted that 'he only came back to give us a head start as he is soon going to be transferred', he also continuously insisted that he had trained most of the clerks in the other offices and well was basically indispensible as he and only he understood how the system really worked. I sort of put up with his bragging considering that he would train someone else and soon be leaving.
The story: Two week almost three actually have gone by and no one is trained. Because the CLERK is completely overwhelmed the demands are too high the pase is too fast, and we ARE doing EVERYTHING wrong! There is only one way to do things which is too complicated to explain to anyone else. In addition when we worked around him...basically doing what we needed to do to reserve dates, post lists etc, etc, He loudly proclaimed how WRONG it ALL was how we were not following the correct procedure etc etc etc.
Okay does anyone recognize a pattern here? Possibly and N pattern? Early on I knew that his constant complains whinging and well proclamations that what was required of him was impossible ! Were getting well IRRITATING! THere's nothing like a complet Prima Dona to ruin the eviornment for everyone!! Oh I forgot to say that due to his consistent complaints that the data base was very outdated and that no one in central understood it like him I was awarded (Sarcasim here) the responsibility of keeping the data updated daily for the ENTIRE DIVISION. There you go folks!!! People are just sooo impressed by how 'I've hit the ground running' UGH! So I decided that although he was slow seemed to expect special treatment and well...did not really do any clerking things for me!! Yes on top of supervising , hiring and teaching I'm apparently according to this clerk do my own filing, copying, daily and weekly reports because....ALAS HE is so swamped and behind with the DATA!!
Soo in order to keep his complaints down and allow him SPACE to catch up ! The first day he was overjoyed! But the very next and for the last 4 or 5 his complaints mostly were about us doing things outside of his procedures that we were supposed to wait to do anything until we had his go ahead!!! Well I was basically counting the days till HE was transferred and actively sending him people to be trained in his 'specialized' knowledg. Now I have to say here I checked around with personnel and other supervisors and was told that he was in fact the most experinced clerk but had problems being flexible and only wanted to do thing his way. His way unfortuantely entailed numerous computer record of one transaction!! But I figured it would work out so let the increasing tension from his complaints, and his statements that this or that could not be accomplished until this that, this that, this that, this that were done first all in chronological order and complete confusing complexity!!!! The results is that although he was given things to input in an timely fashion HE JUST WASN"T able to get to them and had to prioritize and he KNEW what was important. So this of course this of course added to everyone else's work where we have all been thinking of creative ways to book facilities, schedule meetings, set quotas order materials...which were NOT EVER DONE...
So a twist this week I was informed that are offices are going to be used in the evenings for a large training program on a short . THis project is supposed to help out with meeting district numbers now lagging sooo...in order to help out I told my staff that anyone who wanted to could volunteer in the evenings for the project and be paid 4 hours overtime. THe project is going to last about 6 weeks so it seemed a good solution as the project supervisor would have a difficult time staffing basically finding workers to work only that short time and also with the skills she would need. Many of my staff volunteered mostly for one or two evenings a week I also arranged for Mr. Clerk to go in and use his office exclusively for catching up on the backlog and he of course would get overtime to do all the work yet unfinished. Also today I requested a full time staff member to be his assistant and simultaneously learn the system to fill his shoes. I also started searching around for a clerk to catch me up LOL.
Well anyone see another pattern here ME being too accomidating? I knew this but decieded that putting up with him was worth it if I would end up caught up 'in the right way and with another clerk trained and ready to step into his shoes! Only twice in this tension filled relationship did I put the brakes on MR. Clerk. Once last week when he dumped some papers in front of me whilst I was interviewing someone ...I asked him politely to file them. HE said No. I said again, Mr. C please file these forms in that cabnet over there unless I need them immediately I do not wish them piled on my desk as I have a ton of memos and paperwork to get through in the next hour as you can see. His reply: Well I'm too busy!. Mr. C I said FILE THESE Papers! HE complied in a huff. I let it go tried not to let it ruffle me and continued my interview...this by the way is an open office so a number of staff members saw the exchange. Mr. C. thought the better of his actions and came and apologized to me later. I accepted his apologee but said that I would not put up with that attitude that I treated him respectfully and demanded that he treat myself and the rest of the staff the same way. I also told him that I realixed that the amount of work was much more than he was used to with his predacessor but the job itself and the demands of the office had changed when his predecessor had filled a quota of 18 a year and had worked relatively slowly upt until he retired. I had much bigger goals to achieve and much larger quotas to meet that we had in fact already met 35 quota in less than two weeks... that we had to accomlish 4 times that in the next 3 months so he had to be flexible and roll with the flow. He would have to adjust because the productivity basicly was going to be almost 20X what he was used to. Therefore, he would only do one thing in large quantities rather than everything in small quantities. Basically his previous boss was elderly scared of computers and had this clerk basically run the office. I told him that I was not computer illiterate that I would be doing some of what he used to do and would have his assistant and my clerk when hired do the rest. That my concern was only for him to update the data base and train someone to do it.
Soooo today Mr. C comes back after working his first evening and instead of being happy to catch up he actually has a bunch of new priorities. He is going to do the data for the evening project that is required by my supervisor he says before doing any of the morning reports that have to be out at an early time. I say NO you are in fact not supposed to be working on that project , I said I would file the papers for her today and I will. Also I will ammend the list...basically help her out...but we are behind and we are actually missing deadlines already today so that is not a priority in fact not even your responsibility and will in fact come at the end of the days work if at all. Basically my priorities were to get our work out and have him work on his backlogged work and thus I am paying him a full time salary and overtime when he wants it to do so. I wasn't willing to put myself through four hours of extra work (this happened twice already) to accomidate something he wanted to do for a project that had nothing to do with us anyway accept in a very tenuous way. So again I had a huffy puffy clerk that threw papers around, slammed doors and had huge reactions and gave lectures regarding how impossible anything was whenever anyone gave him something to file or input that was part of his daily work. Finally you guessed in the middle of another interview...He begins a big whinging session UPSET because we have done things that needed to be done instead of waiting to do it in the order and time he specified it would be okay. I let him talk for a minute and then basically said...Mr. C. NONE of these things are your responsibility we have done the things that we needed to do to continue functioning until you caught up in which time we may be able to do it your way. His reply: Well there is your way and there is the right way!! Okay enough for me..I say look Mr. c as you can see I'm in the middle of an interview with 2 other people waiting to see me. I do not like your insistance that eveyithing done without your input is the WRONG WAY. In fact as you are aware if we had waited for your way...these things would not have gotten done at all. And we have deadlines to meet. Also there are things that are your responsibility and other things that basically have nothing to do with your work. WHat you are going on about at the moment should not concern you at all. And I do not have the time to explain it to you now because I'm in the middle of an interview and it has Nothing to do with your work. Here are the lists of things you need to be doing now we'll talk about it later. Out comes a torrent of complaints and accusations that everyinthing is not in order and he wants to give up that he can't handle it blah blah..I agreed that he obviously could not handle it and reminded him that was why I gave him an assistant and also 8 to 12 hours a day to do only data and train someone. In that moment I have to admit I was beyond irritated and despite his bloody specialist knowledge his outbursts were disrespectful, untimely, in front of witnesses so embarrassing to me and I had enough of it.
Did he back down? NO. He continued louder so I asked the entire office including Mr. C to take their break outside..and directed him to take a breather think about what he was saying and his actions before he regretted it. The whole staff left the office...this is cutomary at break time because of security. I continued with my interview although by now I'm embarressed to talk to this person and have no clue why he still wants the job other than it's better than the one he has got ! LOL
So break ends. I call everyone back in Mr. C. is missing..as this is the time that he leaves to go to medical on a daily basis...I decide he's either quit or he went to medical to calm down a bit. I realize that I'm going to have to fire him or respond in some sort of fashion to his well overpowering and awful outbursts.As the only female and the boss on the staff I realize that this power control issue is going to impact my supervision with the rest of the staff. Also according to company policy the man should be out on his butt or transferred out of there with a reprimand immediately.. Well I'm concerned about the upcomming confrontation but go ahead finish the day without a data input person and hope that the days reports he was responsible for are done. In about 30 minutes in pops the director of personnel who calls me outside to tell me that Mr. C. Actually went to his office, and to the Director's office and acted so crazily that they banned him from the premises completely!! That there was obviously a personality conflict which in fact had occured with him and others previously but his anger etc had frightened them so and also what he might do to retaliate against me or my office they asked me to NOT let him in if he decided to return and to report him to security immediately.
Okay...so suddenly I'm on the phone borrowing other offices clerks tommorow to quckly train someone else up for me. It's too late in the evening to talk to my supervisor and I'm sitting here thinking...HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN? I actually get along with staff very well and in every supervisory position have in the past been well liked by staff, have rewarded them accordingly for hardwork etc been flexhible with their personal needs whenever possible...And basically have had a loyal staff and been a popular boss productive teamwork in general. Most staff have wanted to stay and I've never had anyone leave because of personality conflicts? In general and even now I have a few staff that people think should be retired but I've found niches things they can do and take pride in and that help out so I've been able to work with bosses and with staff that others can't. But.... I let this one get out of hand. Mostly because of pressure and because I'm new and because I wanted to ensure that his specialized knowledge was passed on before he left. In general I think the staff was relieved...they were also aware that it was Mr. c that got himself fired rather than me doing it.
But...I feel that I should of fired the man or quietly transferred him a week ago despite his 'specialixed knowledge and our dire need of it. Now, I have to fill in the holes his sudden departure has left and unfortuantely being new to the data system myself I'm going to have to trust outsiders to train my staff on it. I'm going to have to assure staff that all is okay. WHilst most people felt the tension Mr. C caused and his constant puffiness a deterant to makeing any requests of him...I think they felt comfortable that we had his knowledge on staff as an expert in a particular area and will be worried. Also and here's the biggie I've let this situation undermine my authority with them not a good thing with a new boss with a new staff and huge deadlines and goals to hit. Finally according to personnel he was completely disrespectful of me and was trying to appear the boss to the Personnel supervisor and to the Director which automatically turned them off. Whatever he said was not complimentary of me and yet whatever words and actions he used actually caused him to get fired. So..I'm going to have to build up some credibility with them as well. UGH!
Any body have advice on where I should of handled things differently and also what I need to do to repair damage and continue on smoothely? I have to say that even though it's going to be hectic tommorow my gut tells me that these other clerks coming in from other offcies will catch me up quickly and will train my new clerk in a much smmoother fashion than the previous clerk and I'm breathing a sigh of relief that his complaints and whining will not be a part of the enviornment tommorow! But obviously I'm cringing at the repairs etc i will have to put in place and concerned about the affects this may have on staff moral and of course evaluations of my own work by my superiors. Unfortnately I AM on probabation. Hope someone has some great advice. I can't say for sure he is an N but my gut feels like it's been through the ringer! thanks O
From: obstical Sent: 3/22/2006 10:05 PM Sorry to ask for so much advice this week but WOW has it started off with abig bang! First I moved on the weekend and am living out of boxes, second my child support mediation was a fiasco, third I found out my other house was broken into and ramsackled proabably yesterday my landlord informed me tonight. Thankfull y I had moved most of my stuff out so I don't think anything of value could of been taken but of course i'll have to wait till I can go check it out. But this employee thing I really think he is/was probably an N. And I also am concerned that I was enableing that...No there was no emotional involvement with this person...I didn't feel like he was my right hand man in fact I felt like he was a stitch in my side but I was appreciative of his efforts and experience. Still do these N patterns keep reoccurring even in non romantic relationships ???
From: Lynette Sent: 3/23/2006 7:39 AM Obstical--
I have worked with some N's. Had one reporting to me, too. I just want to tell you that Mr. C displays all the characteristics of, if not an N, then certainly a workplace bully.
His deliberate attempts to slow down the process, to do things he decided to do irrespective of the organization's needs and priorities, to serve himself...these are all designed to shift the focus right back to him.
I must say that I think you handled him brilliantly. Your interest was in keeping things flowing as smoothely as possible and retaining him in order to facilitate the best possible outcome. In the end, your boundaries enraged him and he did himself in.
As to your supervisors, it seems they said he had a history of personality conflicts, so I am sure this was no surprise to them except for the extreme reaction he had. So, I don't think you'll be blamed for this. However, you may want to spend some time documenting his behavior episode by episode and your attempts to keep him in check in the face of his disrespect. I doubt that you'll need it, but documentation is always good to have in these situations.
As to the staff and how they might be feeling, they'll probably follow your lead. If you're comfortable and relieved about his absence and optimistic about the future, they'll feel more secure.
O, I think you handled him great under the circumstances. Think of all the things you did right here, and there were plenty of them. I guarantee you that with him gone, work will be ever so much more enjoyable for everyone concerned.
Big hugs,
From: obstical Sent: 3/23/2006 5:31 PM Thank you for your reply. Actually you were spot on I don't know about my supervisors as they didn't see anything first hand but they had heard the gossip. Whatever that was when I went in to report this morning. Today however was AMAZING!! These two clerks came in practically trained my replacement clerk in one day! NOt only that they caught up on two thirds of the back log in one day!!! They also asked if they could work overtime tonight in the hours I had set up for Mr.C so they could catch up on the backlog completely so I could start fresh this morning. And.....they actually input everything piled on my desk as well!! Seriously I left the office with a clean desk tonight!!!
The most amazing thing was the atomosphere in the office everyone was so calm...and I actually went around helping staff and students it was sooo nice. What was apparent to everyone was once everything was rolling as it should, the only clogs in the wheels was the missing data info or the reports etc to generate stuff we needed. The clerks both of them kept saying they couldn't believe that things done two months ago had not been inputed and that the system usedwas so antiquated it generated tons of forms for one item unecessarily. Sooo, they they updated thatwith the software I had provided Mr. C which he had apparently never installed completely and hadn't used!
Mr.C himself made an appearance today I told him quickly that he was not allowed in the premises and to remain outside. I asked him what he needed and returned the personal items he requested that he had left at his desk. He didn't apologize but looked deflated. But it wasn't only me that noticed the quietness and the calmness left in his wake so to speak. All day long I heard mummers from staff that Mr. C really had left us in a hole when they were suddenly able to get information etc that had previously been impossible. Even the two clerks which from how they spoke mr. C had profusely complained about me murmmered that they couldn't believe how he had shortcutted things or not done things. I apologetically showed them the piles of things that appeared initially and throughout the day and they would just say "NO worries miss this will only take 20 minutes, and hour, or...I've already done that you can toss those!!
I was flabergasted ! Things that Mr. c had continually stated required specialized skills were finished by these clerks who would first do a few things and then have my clerk do it while they watched. By the end of the day my trainee clerk felt 100% sure that he could do all the data entry and about 1/2 of my daily reports as well!! The clerks confirmed that he could!! Annd I hired the other clerk from tommorow so they will train him as well!! I'm so happy!! I actually got around to moving equipment and had two productive meetings with different staff about projections and also about updatingeachother on where everyone was making assignments and so on. WIth the mad rush and anger gone people could actually start changing things and doing things. Only the two visiting clerks and two senior staff members were personally aqcuainted with Mr. C and each of them during the day came up to me to tell me basically that it was not me as a new supervisor that had caused the issues but Mr. C. Two exclaimed that there was no love lost and they felt he had taken advantage and gotten us dangerously behind for no good reason. The other two stated the same thing but with possible excuses for Mr. C..."um somethimes people get a big head when they are transferring and refuse to do things sort of have a bad attitude " and " well Mr. C had a lot of medical problems he was probably overwhelmed."
I basically replied that I had no hard feelings regarding Mr. C that it was too bad he had caused trouble with management himself that I had not written him up and that I was happy and very pleasently surprised at how smootth the transition was going. In the next building an elderly supervisor in a similar position as me took meto lunch and said I looked like 1klbs had been removed from my shoulders. He kept laughing that the smoothe efficient service the visiting clerks were providing was actually standard and that my appreciation was nice but a bit funny. No matter let them think I'm overly appreciative I'm not the top down mysterious kind of supervisor I like things translucent and everyone working in their areas of interest productively. Basically TODAY was a very nice day and I had to prevent myself from skipping everywhere because it was sooo unexpected. I thought it would be crazy! And that I would be completely lost with a staff completely at standstill instead we had a calm and happy but productive day regarding normal work and a VERY productive day regarding data and records!
Oh and I think you were right regarding the management as well I'm not sure but today we had an impromptu meeting and a number of them inquired what was up regarding the clerk as they had heard about the blow up Mr. C had with the director. I told them that he had been overwhelmed with the new changes etc and we had fallen really behind. That he had gone to management to complain and basically his attitude words whatever had not impressed them and in fact they had let him go. They all said it was a shame but that it is impossible to work with someone that thinks they are always right, the boss and constantly complains. I actually said little more but apparently they all knew Mr. C well so perhaps it wasn't a surprise.
O
From: Lynnette Sent: 3/23/2006 5:54 PM Hi, O--
I'm just thrilled to hear that you had a good day. It's quite amazing when the source of the drama is eliminated from the equation. Suddenly, there's no drama and it becomes apparent what the source of everyone's stress was all along.
I am not at all surprised at the fact that Mr. C was inflating the difficulty of doing his job. N in my workplace bragged incessantly about his contributions to a volunteer organization to which he belonged. He was their treasurer and explained to everyone how difficult that was and how much money he handled every month, trying to get me to name him as the treasurer in my Corporation since he was so qualified. I wasn't buying it and would not have put him in charge of money for anything. I later learned, after he left both my employ and that volunteer organization, that he was six months behind in taking care of the volunteer organization's accounts when he left. Guess he wasn't so efficient after all.
I hope all goes well from here on out, O. Congratulations. I still want to give you great big kudos for how you handled Mr. C and the boundaries you employed. Brilliant.
From: healing2006 Sent: 3/23/2006 7:21 PM Hi ya, Obstical,
Mr. C is a putz. You did the right thing, because you gave him boundaries...which of course, he couldn't respect....the fact that he ran to HR and whined and made a complete idiot out of himself was and is a blessing....his curse of you turned into a blessing, dear. He hung himself with the rope he was given...oh well. Yes, disgruntled employees can be an issue down the road....because they are so easily destabilized and they harbor resentment forever! One can only hope he finds new supply else where....and he forgets all about you and your staff....I would keep my radar on tho'...he definitely sounds like a whacko....a putz and a whacko!
love, healing
From: obstical Sent: 3/23/2006 8:01 PM Hi Lynette, Thank you so much for the compliments regarding how I handled him I really felt like a failure last night wondering what I missed regarding his escalation and that it all was sort of an awful way to start up in a new position. I'm glad you think I handled it well I'm also still very very happy about today it was just soooo much nicer! I actually felt hopeful rather than overwhelmed by this negative person and dealing with data backlog that never seemed to end! I actually spoke to my father this evening and told him this story as well he told me that one bad apple parable and he's absolutely correct because the difference from yesterday was gloom to bloom! I think because of my longterm acceptance of NEXH I'm hyper sensitive to my enabling narcassistic behavior I don't want to go there again EVER. But I have to admit that although I was aware of his negatively he did have me and the staff halfway believing that his knowledge was incredibly specialized. I mean he worked so hard at looking overworked LOL Actually my Ex was a master at that as well but I was very relieved to see that all that 'specialized knowledge' could be smoothely transferred by others!! Huge hugs and thank you so much for your encouragement. O
From: obstical Sent: 3/23/2006 8:16 PM Hi Healing! I'm definitly keeping my radar on!! But I'm also glad in a way that he got himself fired by the director so that sort of took a bit of his focus away from me. NOw the director, the district and well EVERYONE in Mr. C's book is a complete putz and he of course is the only one who really knows the system! LOL Isn't it funny when you begin to recognize thes N patterns over and over? My Ex did not last long in jobs where he was supervised or worked for others. I used to wonder why because he actually was a very intelligent person and hard working. However, I can't count the times he said...how unappreciated he was, how HE was the only one that could do this or that, they didn't understand his plans whatever...he actually never really hated his employers and although he only told me once that he was fired and the rest of the times he quit I suspect that he left some jobs in a very similar fashion as Mr.C. I don't know exactly what Mr. C said or did but he must of pretty out there to get the result he got. I actually had a couple of employees tell me to keep my radio with me so I think they as well as mangt are slightly concerned with reprisals. so I will be careful. Of course I think any anger he might misdirect at me is irrational as I bent over backwards basically to put up with him but I'm also glad it's over. ANd I did not have one twinge of pity for him when he came in today just the desire to get him out of there quickly without any scenes. Thank you for you support and concern.
Hugs O
From: IA101 Sent: 3/25/2006 11:14 AM Dearest O,
I, too, think you handled him brilliantly. Ultimately, you let him hang himself. When I read your post the other day, I was itching to respond, but was short of time. I just wanted to grag you up and give you a big hug. It wasn't too long ago that I was in here lamenting the workplace N.
They really are awful creatures to have in the workplace. No one works harder or longer, no one knows how to do it better, no one knows how to do anything right except the N. N's require specialized equipment or more of it to do their job. [we are still trying to figure out why she needed three different types of calendars on her desk but didn't have important court dates on them - we went through a full month of ordering different calandars and returning them until she had it just right] They keep the entire staff under a constant strain with their whining and absurd demands. They constantly point out everyones faults while denying their own. They never, ever make a mistake and caught red-handed will deny the error and place blame with another. Our N was constantly reminding us how much experience she had in the legal field but was incredibly stupid at performing the simpliest of tasks. She was extremely adept in appearing to be busy, especially if there was a task on her desk she did not want to tackle. She left those for me.
Definately document his behaviors and what you and the staff are having to do to correct his ineffectiveness. I don't see where he could have a Workers' Comp claim but I can see where he might apply for unemployment benefits.
Isn't it wonderful how different the work environment is without all the drama? It is like working in a whole new place. Without the stress created by the N's, the staff pulls together and functions as a team and all tasks are accomplished much quicker and more effectively, by happier people. The N just drained us emotionally and physically. It didn't take long before we all hoped she would go out for lunch so we could have an hour without her negative input.
Our N has been gone almost a month now and the office is so much nicer. Even though we just went through six weeks of grueling trial prep and trial, it was better. We even had to interview and hire a new secretary to replace the N during this time. The new girl jumped right in and made all the difference in the world during trial. We keep telling her how great she is but, she doesn't understand how bad things were before the N left of her own accord. We keep looking at each other and saying "Can you imagine what the last few weeks would have been like if N were still here?"
You've already found Mr. C wasn't doing his job but keep an eye out for more things he didn't get done or screwed up. We've found a few already and I know there are more to be discovered. With hundreds of files to work in, I'm sure she has something else all fouled up. I spent hours yesterday straightening up one of her messes.
I feel almost [nope] sorry for the next N you encounter in the workplace. I bet it won't take you long to spot them. Being armed with knowledge of NPD, I had her pegged within two weeks. She immediately disliked me. hehe I could anticipate her reaction to any given situation and refused to give her supply. She never did figure out how to engage me in her poor, awful, neglected, little pity parties. I would watch her garner sympathy from the rest of the staff and then sneak a look at me to see if I would say what she wanted to hear. Then, when she didn't think I was paying attention, I'd notice the stare she was giving me. In a way, it was quite comical to watch me frustrate her well laid plans.
Way to go, O!
Love & Hugs,
IA
From: IA101 Sent: 3/25/2006 11:26 AM BTW, here's how our N left. She stayed later than everyone else on a Thursday evening. That had never happened before. She calls in "ill" the next morning, before the office opened, saying she was going to see the doctor. We arrive at the office to find all of her personal effects gone, right down to her special winter coffee mug and air purifyer [and she had tons of them littering her office space]. A quick check of all the drawers reveals the same. She even emptied her garbage can, replaced the liner, and took the garbage with her.
She calls about threeish in the afternoon to report the doctor has said her illness must be stress related and that he recommends she take some time off. How astute of her to know just what the doctor would prescribe the evening before. [Lynnette pointed that out] Stupid N. Like we couldn't tell immediately that she had just up and quite without notice. LOL
IA
From: obstical Sent: 3/26/2006 11:51 PM Hi IA! Thank you so much for the support and the shared experiences you had with the N in your office. I remember you writing abouther and you comments had me rolling at times LOL But you are absolutely right about the dark cloud of gloom and forboeding that hangs over them in the office place . I do think the psychic powers of your ex N sectretary are totally funny as well particularly as she thought no one would notice that she had moved a day before she went to the doctor! I'm glad that you were able to find a replacement on short notice and that she was able to kick in and be a big help in the trial preperation. I am really glad that the visiting clerks were able to help ;me out at short notice as well and they were so quick and efficent training the new clerk. I think you are spot on about how other things are going to pop up. Friday, my new clerk actually had to have one of the visiting clerks back in to clear up a data problem where Mr. C had decided to ERASE all contracts that were no longer active! This was on his own initiative apparently and saved him from putting in backup records however as people often do not remain inacctive or sometimes seek new services or transfer to one of our other offices keeping no electronic files is a risky thing to do. Fortunately Mr. C only did this for a short time so we were able to replace that info. I bet as you said that isn't the only thing we find!
I also hired a data entry person who is doing rather well although...he did ask for a 'special' chair and longer lunch twice a week for exercize. I agreed on the latter because I already let a number of people have flex time for various reasons but told him I'd let him know about the chair. It sounds silly I know..but he also bargained veryhard for a higher salary than I was willing to pay and finally accepted the position I was offering LOL I think he'll be alright in fact on Friday he did a great job but 2 extra perks before accepting the job and two more requests actually three when I think about it in the first day are keeping my radar up! LOL Im sort of half laughing at myself for being cautious but also after this experiecnce I'm going to protect my woriking enviornment as much as possible. Funny, but this is one of my first experiences dealing with large numbers of staff since seperating from my ExNH. Mostly for the last couple of years I've finished my studies, worked contract work where I'm alone or with a few people or as a sub teacher with students mostly. I've noticed a difference in how I look at people. Not suspiciously but less rosey I guess . My boundries are there now I've still got a lot of work in building them and reinforcing them and also appreciating them but they are there and I like that. This is probably the only good thing I can clearly say came our of learning about narcassisim and from learning how to protect myself and kids from Exnh : I'm beginning to protect me too! Huge
Hugs O
PS. Have to ask did the exNS ever call to give the office updates on her condition or did she leave it at that? I'm sort of surprised that she hasn't tried to get compensation .
From: IA101 Sent: 3/27/2006 5:43 AM Yes, O...
I'd say we look at people with a skewed view and just a bit more cautiously than most people. All is not as it seems.
No, we've never heard another word from the N. She's passed the Workers' Comp filing deadline but unemployment could still be a possibility. I keep wondering if that will crop up. She is either not looking for another position or has not listed us as a reference.
Hugs,
IA
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