Earth Day: Remembering Holly Maddux

[Litha]

I am a conservationist/eco-green/tree-hugger (or so my exN claimed) but Earth Day always makes me think of Holly Maddux. She was murdered by her ex-lover Ira Einhorn, self-proclaimed founder of Earth Day, when she returned to his apartment to pick up the last of her things. He beat her senseless, then locked her in a trunk in his storage closet. No one really knows how long it took her to die in there, but she wasn't found for 18 months.

Her killer left the country after being released on bail, but was finally found in France and extradited to the US. He has been in jail here since 2001. The real founders of Earth day have since refuted his claims, saying he was never more than an annoying hanger-on.

So I spent some time today Googling Holly, as I always do for Earth Day. This is the first time I read her story with some understanding of narcissism, though, so I added that to the google string. I learned a new term: Eraser Killers that describes men who kill their wife/girlfriend/lover and then pretend she just ran off. Drew Peterson was one famous example.

What Makes an Eraser Killer
There are three aspects to their psychological profile. First, they have psychopathic traits and no empathy. If they can take their wife's body and chop it up and put it through a woodchipper or anchor their wife and child to the bottom of the bay -- what person could do that if they had human emotion at that level? Yet these people aren't out-of-control, pure predators like Charles Manson or Ted Bundy. The violence is limited to their wives or girlfriends, sometimes their children or fetuses.

They're so narcissistic, and they want to be the center of the world. They reach a point where they see these women and children as a burden, as an inconvenience. They're not motivated by jealousy, rage or revenge. Those things may be secondary, but what they want to do is wipe the slate clean and erase the person as if it never happened.

The third aspect of their psychology is Machiavellianism – the ability to manipulate others and strategize and plan in very dark ways. They often have an image they portray to the world as warm, generous, charming, a perfect husband or boyfriend. Ira Einhorn, a world-renowned peace expert, killed his girlfriend Holly Maddux and kept her, like a trophy, in a trunk in his home for 18 months.

These men are so cold-hearted they're perfectly happy to lie to the media, police and loved ones. Part of the narcissism is that they think they're smarter than everyone and can pull off the perfect murder -- they enjoy the battle of wits.

http://www.lemondrop.com/2009/03/30/eraser-killers-men-who-make-women-disappear/

On a brighter note,  I will celebrate Earth Day by trying out kayaking. A friend of mine has been trying to get me interested, and a local outfitter is hosting a demo in a local lake. I will paddle around and revel in my tree-huggerness without having to listen to exN's snide comments. 

[SusyP14]

I had no idea about this horrible story.

Signed,
Fellow Tree Hugger

[CZBZ]

Very upsetting...very. I don't remember Holly Muddox, so I'll put a link on the Tool Shed where other stories, such as hers, are posted.

We had a recent 'Eraser Killer' in the news here. They still haven't found his wife's body though he insists she ran away. But there are too many suspicious minds these days, which is a positive sign people are becoming wise to the pitiable husband who just can't imagine WHY his wife would leave. Well, other than the fact that according to him, she had mental problems.

The story of Holly Muddox is unsettling, maybe particularly for people on this forum. Many women were fooled by the supposedly-altruistic and high-minded narcissist who for all intents and purposes, appeared to be a deeply caring human being. Like Ira Einhorn.

This is a great synopsis of Ira and Holly's relationship, so reflective of pathological narcissism. Once you understand the dynamics of pathological narcissism, you can see through Ira's behavior and understand why he targeted Holly. He was the Unicorn. She was an Earth Mother:


"...with knowledge stolen from years of voracious reading, Einhorn charmed many into believing the planet was warping into new frontiers and only the Unicorn could lead them into the Age of Aquarius. Whether it was politics, environment or computer science, "he was three or four steps ahead of you at every turn," says Norris Gelman, one of Einhorn's attorneys. As if hypnotized, the suits responded with free lunches, grants, consulting contracts, four-figure speaking fees. A local communications company hired Einhorn to mediate a neighborhood power-plant dispute, then for years afterward sponsored his space travel by mailing copies of his scribblings and those of other "forward thinkers" to a growing list of international contacts.

Einhorn won a teaching fellowship at Harvard in the '70s. In the '60s he had taught an alternative-education class at Penn, his alma mater, and once reportedly broke out the joints, stripped naked and danced in the classroom. Thirty years ago, not everyone was after an M.B.A. Warts and all, "Ira charmed the city," says Lewis. And countless women.

Back then, says Harry Jay Katz, an acquaintance, "guys never asked girls what they thought about politics or poetry. Ira did. He feigned that he cared." ~TIMES ONLINE


I'm going to read more about Ira Einhorn today and list as many signs of pathological narcissism as I can. This might be (if you have the stomach for it), a healthy way to educate ourselves. Plus, the other thought occurring to me is how differently I READ this story now, rather than how I would have read it prior to learning about NPD.

Hugs,
CZ

[Litha]

the other thought occurring to me is how differently I READ this story now, rather than how I would have read it prior to learning about NPD. ~ CZBZ

That really struck me too. I've been following this story since before he was extradited, and rereading it yesterday was in some ways like reading it for the first time. We've all talked about and experienced D&D, but eraser killing is the ultimate D&D. What our Ns did to us intellectually and emotionally, these men do to their lovers physically. Maybe that's why it resonates.

For me it is also a reminder, on Earth day, to be skeptical even of people we agree with. All that glitters is not gold, and all that crunches is not granola.

SEFG, weather was perfect and kayaking was great fun, I may have to buy one.
Susy, hug a tree for me for earth day 

[CZBZ]

Litha, I absolutely had to walk away from my computer after reading several news stories about Holly Maddox and Ira Einhorn (I"ll never forget their names now). There were so many similarities to my own story that it was hard to stay focused. It still troubled me last night, thinking about the kind of person Holly was and the kind of person I am, right down to her 'surrogate-mother-self' as the eldest of four sisters and a younger brother. At one point, I had almost stopped breathing---it was that uncanny.

What's hard for people to understand is that our perceptions of 'narcissism' ignore the 'reformist' type personality. The one who appears to be on the leading edge of social change---truly dedicated to serving a higher purpose by making the world a better place, a safer place. When you are a smart woman who is able to 'see' a better way to do things that what we learned as children, you might be attracted to a man who sees the same things you do and appears, for all intents and purposes, to be SANE and SAFE.

My forays into sharing deep conversations with my X about Domination versus Partnership systems is a fine example. We were both talking about the same thing and as far as I could tell, he was as devoted to 'change' as myself. The horror of my discovery that there were at least two sides to a man who espoused spiritual principles i also agreed with, cannot even compare to Holly's horror trapped in a steamer trunk and locked in his closet.

Her death cannot be glossed over as 'denial' on her part, or being too much of a 'mothering personality', or an enabler or however else we try to feel safe by criticizing women who were deceived by a manipulative and deceitful man. She did not know, not until the last moment of her consciousness, what she could not know prior to him showing her who he really was when he folded her into a box and left her to die.

I am all for helping spot red flags, educating ourselves about Dangerous Relationships, looking for warning signals and listening to our intuition. I'm all for working with other people to figure out what signals we missed or misinterpreted that might have protected us from being used, abused and mistreated. I'm all for talking with each other so we can avoid relationships that might end up like Holly's. However, I honestly believe that narcissists such as Ira Einhorn, are so cleverly deceptive that you will NOT be able to see how dangerous they are until you are in a situation that you may not be able to get out of. The rage comes swiftly. The mask falls. And a truly pathological narcissist will eliminate anyone who sees behind that mask.

So I thank you for bringing this story to my attention but have to also say that it was emotionally distressing to read...we lived in France for nearly five years and it was incredibly humiliating for my husbaNd who never mastered the French language and had to rely on his wife and children to speak for him. The similarities are uncanny.

I would like to have access to Ira Einhorn's journals, just to read how he 'thought'. I found excerpts from his journals that offered insight into the narcissistic pathology (like mentioning killing other people as a pleasurable thing OR his comment that relationships ended violently.) Perhaps his journals are not open to the public, I dunno.


Hugs,
CZ

[Litha]

I honestly believe that narcissists such as Ira Einhorn, are so cleverly deceptive that you will NOT be able to see how dangerous they are until you are in a situation that you may not be able to get out of. The rage comes swiftly. The mask falls. And a truly pathological narcissist will eliminate anyone who sees behind that mask. ~ CZ

You have said on other posts that a feeling of pity toward an N is one of the biggest danger signs, because they use pity to manipulate their victims. That is exactly what happened to Holly. She had left her N, she had moved on and was building a healthy relationship with a kind man in another city. She should have been safe. But her ex was upset and threatening to throw her things out into the rainy street, so she went back to "calm him down."

I never would have pegged that as a red flag until I came here. I wonder how many lives your board and blog have saved CZBZ? You will never know, but it's worth thinking about.