Different types of N??

[Angel.rose]

Hi all,
Up until my recent experience with my parents,I thought that I understood what an N was all about..now I'm not so sure..
I thought all N's lied,manipulated,stole and were abusive on most if not all levels..that they were all evil for want of a better way of describing it...
But for years my Dad and sisters way of thinking puzzled me and now I'm feeling a bit as if I've had a lightbulb moment lol..not all N's are the same are they..?
I bet you're all thinking that you knew that already,but I honestly didn't..up until now I've only taken notice of the evil type of N,I suppose because the abuse they left was so damaging and took so long to recover from..it was more NOTICEABLE I suppose ..anyway the to the point..
My Dad and Sister had these traits:

ALWAYS believed they were right,not just for themselves but for me and everyone else as well,could never be persuaded otherwise.

Perfectionist..especially my dad,if a job was worth doing it had to be done PERFECTLY,this included things like the way we dressed,household jobs etc..if we were going on holidays and got lost on the way ,my Dad would go mad,and lose his temper big time!

Extremely critical of others,yet very sensitive about being critisized themselves

Fine as long as things were done their way,seemed kind and caring when you were "going along with them" but turned extremely nasty if you dared to disagree with them or not comply with what they wanted.

The love they offered was always conditional..you do this for me and I'll love you,if not I'm going to withdraw that love and make you feel VERY bad about yourself.

Never really showed any deep emotion,I always joked that my parents couldn't deal with emotion only practical ways of showing "caring" ie. they could always pull out their wallet and offer you money,but never showed much affection{my mother none at all,but then I know she's an N to the core lol}

Rigid in their beliefs,even when it was clear they were wrong.They would never change their minds,exceptionally stubborn.

Little or no empathy..they could appear empathic but only if you were doing what they wanted.

It was always about them and their feelings.Mine or anyone elses counted for very little or nothing.

My Dad also had what I can only call some very weird ideas,I remember once wanting to go to the Movies with friends and him saying{quite seriously}

"What do you want friends for,you've got us"{meaning him and my mother!}

Another time he told me that women and men could never be friends..

He could be very cruel when I didn't go along with him so I suppose I could say that he used manipulation as well,although it was usually well disguised and he saved being really nasty for special occasions,so I didn't see that side of him too often.

I'm not really familiar with the other types of N,but I do know there are several different types..I'm just wondering if someone knows a little more on this and would be interested in any feedback on my Dad and Sister..

Hugs
Angel~

[~Solo]

Hi Angel.rose 

I'm sure you will get better info that what I may have to offer.  However, to start, you can look up Inverted Narcissist or Covert Narcissist.  Basically a Narcissist without the rage or superiority beliefs.  The needs of the N still exist, but they don't make it to full blown N.  They actually long to be a full blown N so that they can at least cover up.  However, there is more ability to acknowledge their shortcomings and therefore change.  This is my understanding from Sam Vaknin's book called Malignant Self Love.

Within the traditional N, there are two types of N.  Cerebral and Somatic.  Basically cerebral seeks supply through their beautiful brain and the somatic seeks supply through their beautiful body (sexuality).  However, both always exist, just one is more dominant and if need be, they will call to the forefront the other in a N crisis.  So, if cerebral and a crisis happens, they make go on a binge of sleeping around.  Visa Versa...

Good luck!
~Solo
   

[May]

 From what I`ve noticed, they can differ in some ways. Like what you`ve said about your dad and sis, describes my parents but for the exception that my nm doesn`t rage like my nd does. My dad is more obvious with his narcissism and my mom is more cunning and sneaky about it. My mil is more like my dad. But I think that they are all the same as far as munipulation, lying, cold hearted, never wrong,etc.

[SusyP14]

They can be very confusing.  For example xn was definitely a sex addict (somatic) who was also extremely cerebral (had a doctorate) AND was very humble and covert.

I was trying to find a link that CZ posted not long ago about what a wide range of Narcs they can be.  From having small traits to being lethal and malignant.

Everything you wrote sounds like Narc 101 to me.

Here is the DSM criteria for NPD:

An grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
Believes he is special and unique and can only be understood by with other special or high status people or institutions
Requires excessive admiration
Has a sense of entitlement
Selfishly takes advantage of others to achieve his own ends
Lacks empathy
Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him
Shows arrogant, haughty, patronizing, or contemptuous behaviors or attitudes


And here is an excellent article on understanding personality disorders:

http://counsellingresource.com/distress/personality-disorders/understanding/

[Litha]

All the Ns I've known had very different personalities. They can be devoutly religious or complete atheists, they can be intellectual or rednecked, introverted or extroverted, Republican or Democrat, etc. When my therapist suggested that my most recent exN was a narcissist, I didn't believe her at first because I just didn't see it. So I went looking for information to prove she was wrong.

One of the first websites I found that described narcissism remains a favorite. She describes the traits of a narcissist in language that anyone can understand, and it was here that I began to see what all my exNs had in common. The very odd, bewildering behaviors that make no sense are the traits that scream "personality disorder."

http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/traits.html