Who is YOUR inspiration?

[~Solo]

I thought it might be uplifting to share who our inspiration(s) for over coming the N-cident in our lives is currently or has been in the past?  And what motivates your healing for the future?

I wrote about a woman I met the other day in another post (Pained...Again).  Maybe, I'll add it to here.  Till then though, I thought it would be a "feel good" topic 

~Solo
 

[SusyP14]

I simply could not endure that level of suffering again. Period. Paragraph ending.  Something had to change and that something had to be me.

[LettingGo]

Thank you Solo for this great topic that brings balance when dealing w/ Nism.
My first inspiration was my beautiful D. She has such a joy for life, and an awesome sparkle in her eyes. She has such a love for others, very different from the stereotypical "Terrible 3s". I love watching her enjoy new experiences like seeing a butterfly and fireworks for the first time and carefully picking up a teeny tiny ladybug and watching it crawl up her hand and fly away. I love the confidence she has in knowing that her parents love her. She never has to doubt it. I love to watch her dance, draw, be creative and express herself. Her life is so different than the one I had growing up in the KON. As her Mommy I had & have to protect that and not let any toxic thing or person contaminate her life -- which also meant making sure I didn't carry the N gene or kept any left over baggage when I left the KON! My amazing H and best friend who holds me accountable and who values a strong Warrior Woman even when society does not. He realizes I am more than Mother & Wife and I have passions of my own.  My friends, who are better than NFOO, inspire me because I want to be a blessing to them and return the love they have given me. It is sharing of our joys and our sorrows. It is about being vulnerable w/out being judged.

In an opposite way, the NTrollParents because I wanted to be everything they were not. I wanted to have a marriage they could not have, a loving family environment they could not create nor maintain and awesome extended family of friends which they lacked once people discovered their true identities. So where did my sense of a loving family come from? God, for God so loved the world John 3:16 & 17 -- what kind of God would love the entire world so much that He would sacrifice His only child for us, so that we could be reunited with Him? As much as I love helping others, it is my passion, but to sacrifice my only child, especially for those who would spit in my face, I could not do that, I have no words for that kind of love that would make such an amazing and unbelievable sacrafice. It inspires me and it transforms me. It is not about a specific religion, it is about a personal informal intimate relationship w/the Creator of everyone and everything. It is about knowing God personally, not who others represent Him to be, but who He really is. It is about knowing He wants us to have an abundant life and that our purpose in life is very simple, love and be loved.   It is knowing that God does not want us to have anything to do with evil and Ns are evil. It is knowing that the decision to go NC last year has no guilt and no condemnation because it is the right and blessed thing to do, read what I refer to as my Freedom Scripture, because it freed me from the enormous guilt I had about wanting to go NC
http://dealingwithtoxicpeople.blogspot.com/2009/09/christ-brings-division-wow.html

Of all the knowledge I have gained about Nism, what I treasure the most is the experiences of sharing our stories w/people here @ WoN, the exchanging of ideas and theories of Nature and Nurture w/Ns, the options of healing from their damage, and the fact that we can respect each others different viewpoints. This is a Safe place to Share and I highly rec it. No matter the different names the Ns go by in life, Parent, Spouse, Friend, the MOs, traits and behavior, lack of true remorse, D&D, finding pleasure in our pain -- all the same. It is like identifying a new species that walks this plant hiding itself in a human disguise that is only skin deep (The V tv series V standing for Visitors, is a great analogy). It helps to know that when you are traveling on your Healing Journey, you do not have to walk alone. Just because I don't know you all IRL doesn't mean I love you any less or appreciate what you have done for me any less. The dedication of all those who participate and make WoN a place where we can all feel victorious is fantastic. We have WoN!

[~Solo]

Letting Go!  What a beautiful post!  This is the kind of stuff heros are made of!    Yes, we have Won....

Your daughter is a perfect inspiration.  And God too!  Thanks so much for sharing such a beautiful, heartfelt inspiration!  You are truly driven to change the N-lines! 

So happy you have such an amazing husband and friendships....That is a feat in itself considering all the challenges with your family which could have rendered you unable to obtain such relationships. 

Cheers to more like your post!   

~Solo
 

[honeybearII]

I have been so blessed through the years to have people who were inspirations for me.  When I was going through my divorce, I had a set of friends in my new city who rallied around me and WERE THERE for me - no matter what.  They let me cry it out, talk it out, and still cooked me dinner and spent time with me, LOL.  I am sure they wished I would just shut up and move on but they NEVER told me that.  They just said, "However long it takes, we are here".  Now THAT is a friend.

One woman in particular had been divorced for several years and was my age.  She was an amazing inspiration.  She had a son who worked for a major airline, and she would just get up on a Sat and say, "I;'m going to Turkey for a few days".  She'd go to the airport, get on a flight, and go off to some small village and just live for a time and get to know the people.  She travelled the Amazon alone, would head off to Rio for a few days with $100 in her pocket and just simply....LIVED.  She was joyous, full of life, and generous to a fault.  I LOVE being around her.  She had made peace with her ex and when he was dying of cancer took him into her home and nursed him because as she put it, "He had no one else, and he is the father of my wonderful children".

That is just one example of some TERRIFIC women I know and that includes my friends on WoN.  I would not have healed from my past so quickly and moved on had it not been for these women.  I am truly blessed.
Honey

[Litha]

Two women I work with were dealing with worse Ns than mine before I even started dating my exN. One I wrote about in my post Almost a Happy Ending. She has been living an Nightmare for the past year and a half, but she is so tough and strong! She manages huge complex projects, argues toe-to-toe with surly executives who call her "abrasive" but she gets the job done so they can't complain too much. She is gorgeous, worked as a model before entering the business world and is still looks the part. After dumping her Nxh, she now has a boyfriend who treats her well and has been incredibly supportive through her ordeal. In the midst of all this, she still managed to send me chocolate covered strawberries, delivered to my desk, the week I broke up with my N because she has such empathy.

The other woman is also beautiful, a blond fashionista who always looks amazing. She was planning a huge wedding when i started dating my exN, but cancelled it and ended the eight-year relationship with her fiance (who had given her herpes). Although she was very upset, I could see that she was growing in strength day by day. She mentioned one day that her therapist had said blahblahblah and I made a mental note. Things had gotten ugly in my relationship, exN was telling me I needed therapy and obviously my coworker had found a good one. Later I confided in her that my relationship was getting bad too, and ask if she would recommend her therapist. She did, and her therapist became my therapist too. She has since moved on and has a new boyfriend who treats her very well.

Thanks for the idea solo, it was very healing for me to think about these two amazing women and how they have helped me.

[eyes_up]

Hi Solo,

At the time of healing , there were two significant people who were helping me and had the energy and wisdom to do so. Asides from WoN, My massage therapist and my psyche therapist were my inspirations. Their were others but those two people were 3-D and with me for the dirty work and asides from being on the receiving end It helped me to connect with the power to heal. That  amazing force is still with in and I work between being receptive to it for others and myself.

I have not read your story about your hero yet but  will look to do so.


eyes

[CZBZ]

"Who is your inspiration? And what motivates your healing for the future?" ~solo

So many people! What I have learned the past few years is that PEOPLE inspire me, not things. I can stick a picture of a diamond necklace on my frig or a sports car and they won't get me out of bed or motivate me to work harder. But, put a picture of my Aunt Blanche and Aunt Ora on the frig and I can move mountains.

Divorce is very uncommon in my family lineage. Almost never happens; in fact, I can only think of one Aunt who divorced her husband, my Aunt Blanche.

My other Aunt Ora, the one I adored from the time she first sat next to me as a child, said, "you are so graceful, CZ. I love watching the way you hold your head!" She SAW me. You know, like that Avatar movie when they looked in each other's eyes and said, "I see you!"

Anyway, her husband died in his forties leaving her with NINE children to raise on her own. Which she did without complaint. She sewed wedding dressings of her own design until she was ninety-five (she's 99 now). Aunt Ora can't sew anymore because she's bent over like an corner bracket: ] or [ , depending which way she's facing. Last time my father visited his sister in her home, she bounced up the stairs to carry down a gorgeous new bolt of fabric. She was 93. She still loved sparkly things, rhinestones, gold, crystals and me.  

Whenever i would start feeling bitter or jaded or picked-on or humiliated, her face would appear in front of my eyes. I would see her working night and day to support her children. She NEVER remarried though she easily could have. Who doesn't love a hot redhead in a bejeweled gown with hand-sewn beadwork and she's 86 or more? You love that woman because of her eccentricity and fearlessness being Who She Is, even if her appearance defies public opinion about a 99-year old widow sporting red-haired wigs 'cuz she's bald as an eagle at her age.  

I visited my other (divorced) Aunt in her home just a few months before she passed away. We hadn't seen one another for many years since I had moved across the globe and back, rarely traveling to her city. I walked in her back door smelling herb tea and crisping whole wheat bread fresh from her toaster, feeling worn-out and exhausted from a terrible divorce. She grabbed me by the shoulders and held me tightly, looking in my puffy eyes and declaring I was a beautiful Woman now though I felt a lot more like the Pillsbury Doughboy than a 'beauty queen'. Then she held my hand for at least thirty minutes while peering into my eyes--the windows to the soul. "I see you" is what she was saying and "I love you."

Now this Aunt's third child was born the same year as myself, the year of her divorce. He was severely disabled, never maturing beyond three years of age intellectually. He had other physical deformities that might make a person want to keep him out of public exposure but she never did that. Never. Even as a highly respected professional woman, my Aunt took my cousin Petie everywhere with her. Never ashamed nor fearfully overprotective, she supported this child until he passed away in his fifties. He was not expected to survive beyond infancy since he lacked the sucking reflex and had to be fed milk with an eyedropper which my grandfather dutifully did for his first year of life. One drop at a time, they kept this child alive.

These are the people from whom I have gained a healthier perspective on tragedy. The terrible things that happen to us can build character and teach us about the 'meaning' of life, the importance of relationships, the challenge of maintaining our dignity despite the uncontrollable events in our lives. Whenever I would feel overwhelmed by my lousy circumstances, their faces would manifest before my eyes and I'd stand taller, direct my energy to one foot and then the other because of their willingness to LOVE in spite of so many reasons telling them not to. They have been my inspiration: my Aunt Blanche and blessed Aunt Ora.

Hugs,
CZ

[neveragain]

Thank you Solo for starting this thread!  I don't have time to respond now, I've got to dig...... but, I just had to tell you...what a wonderful way to start the day! All the posts are very uplifting and so very precious.

I'm not going to be able to get back here for a few days but, that will give me time to reflect.

Thanks again,
Neveragain

[LettingGo]

  Thank you Solo for starting an inspirational & healing thread. Your amazing comment, left me literally speechless last night. It was such a blessing to have your kindness be the last thing I read before I went to bed. We can choose to either hurt or help with the words we say to others, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart and the deepest part of my soul that the thoughtfulness in your generous praise has helped erased some of the scares from the KON where words cut like sharp poisonous daggers leaving very deep painful wounds. Each act of kindness & love helps to erase the scars, and again I thank you for the beauty in your healing touch.
 

[~Solo]

I was so psyched to read that many of you were "elevated" by posting about your inspiration.  That made me  !!

I went away for the holiday weekend and I'm back now, but it's late, so I hope to post more at some point tomorrow.  I can say that I'm looking for more inspirations and will post as they come.  I hope you will too!! 

~Solo
 

[~Solo]

I met a woman yesterday (last week now-I posted this under "Pained") that drew me in by her confidence and humor.  As we talked, it came out that she had (for many years) attracted the OJ Simpson types of men (as she put it).  She said, "I was the woman OJ was chasing!".  I told her of my story and she told me that her boundaries were of the etch and sketch variety.  I thought that was a classic way of explaining that they were just not firm and were easily surpassed.  She also explained to me that she didn't have a relationship for twenty years!!!  While that part would have been very difficult to grasp early on two months ago, I now don't feel too terrible about the prospect of not having a lover/best friend for a unknown amount of time, although I'd like to think that it will be possible for me to still have a family.  Really though, why would I want to give my most vulnerable self to someone who will just "dig right in" fork and all?  She was a blessing to me, this woman, and is sending a book to me called "Letting Go".  I think that is the name anyway....  She is now married and explained how she regained her "self" prior to remarriage.  She says she loved being single and loves being married even more now.  She spent the twenty years doing as she pleased and with people of all walks.  She found the beauty in all human relationships, not just the opposite sex that once before made her feel as though she was "alive".  She took stock of who she was as a woman, friend, sister, daughter, etc.

I know this is quite simple really, but sometimes the most obvious things that are right in front of us are the last to be seen.... 

~Solo
  

[LettingGo]

I know this is quite simple really, but sometimes the most obvious things that are right in front of us are the last to be seen....

 
So very true! For me it is about an Advantage Point that I now have in the LOL while climbing this mountain to Healing and Self Discovery that I can clearly see all that is wrong in the KON.

 

She was a blessing to me, this woman, and is sending a book to me called "Letting Go".  I think that is the name anyway....

When you receive this book, and have read it, can you tell us more about it. The title alone has caught my attention! Sounds like something that would be a blessing to others too.

[neveragain]

I guess I need to give a bit of a background to set the scene and create a time frame.  I'm going back almost 35 years to my first and only marriage.....not my only n relationship.....but, I digress....I'll stick to my background. 

I moved 1,700 miles (away from my family) with my two daughters after the interior of my car had some sort of explosion go off....bomb squad came..dusted for prints, but, nothing came of it.  Now that I think about it my n husband took care of everything.....I was never questioned since he borrowed my car that night and it blew up outside of his resturant.  He also let the insurance on the car lapse, his excuse......he was just too exhausted from busting his butt providing for his family,blah-blah-blah.....it was an oversight.....he had too much on his plate.  The truth of the matter, was, that incident happened after I demanded my n husband fire his young mistress when someone spilled the beans on this resturant romeo.  I was blindsided and believed his excuses until someone smacked me between the eyes about what was going on.

Being young and naive I thought...I'll move into a home we owned in another state, he would miss his children and me......he would sell his business and we could get a fresh start. Wrong on all counts....I stayed married for another 10 years and when he finally moved here I divorced him.

Being alone in the begininning was tough.  Then I met my angel Helen. She was in her early 60's, lived 2 doors away and became a "Mom" to me...better than my bith mother.  No head games....no judgements...just validation.   She encouraged me to take classes, she told me how much she loved me and how proud of me she was.  I had a swimming pool and we would attempt to exercise, swim and talk about life.  She was very well read, traveled around the world. I loved her stories and her sense of humor.  She was born in the early 1900's and graduating from college was not something many women did during that time.  She was a lover of life, an adventurer and it was my honor to know her and be her friend.

One time she spoke about my husband and said, "You know, he's a damn fool, but, you've made the best of it, to be there for your daughters and to remove them from all chaos was the right thing to do."

Every time I see those little white packing peanuts, a smile crosses my face and I think of Helen.  She once told me she read the cutest thing in Erma Brombeck's column......they should really be  referred to as "Ghost Poo" !

She touched my heart and her greatest words to me were...."You can't beat a friendship can you?"

[~Solo]

Letting Go - I'll definitely let you know and others here know more after I read it! Maybe someone on here has already read it? 

Never Again - That was an inspirational story.  We can all benefit from having a Helen in our lives!  She sounds wonderful.  I'm wondering what happened to her?  I'm thinking she has since passed on?  Now, she's most likely thinking, "See, I did do some great work on earth!" 

~Solo