Humanizing the Narcissistic Style by Steven Johnson (PDF)

[CZBZ]

Humanizing the Narcissistic Style

by Steven Johnson

"Some of my best friends are narcissists...They are not character disordered...They are living and suffering the narcissistic style..."...I now know that the transformation of narcissism is possible through a usually long and often painful process of psychotherapy employing the mixed model of conflict resolution and deficit repair."

Click here to retrieve 10-page PDF document

[betterdays]

I could only read the first 3 pages because I started getting too much adrenaline and ulcer pain.  WTF, "narcississtic STYLE"?  This guy says N'ism is given a bum rap, with not enough emphasis on the N's injuries and pain??? 

I worked while N got his advanced degree, and he said over and over I would then get mine.  When he finally graduated, there were fights every night with his mom till we moved 2,000 miles away.  One thing after another came up, with N bringing me flowers and little gifts to show me his commitment to my goals. My major goals never happened. More recently, I had major abdominal surgery, and had put lots of homemade food in the freezer.  All he had to do was heat it.  He said "You are going to get pretty hungry if you do not come downstairs and cook." When repeatedly confronted, he said he never loved me, and married me because he wanted to control me. He said I have disappointed him and he doesn't want me any more since I am too old now, and was never easy to control. I promised D I will not talk about the things he did to her, since that is hers to deal with in therapy. No one is going to tell me about N's pain.

Articles like this are pure horsesh*t.

[Litha]

I think narcissism is curable with a technological intervention. It would have to be something like the shock collars they use to train dogs, and the people who have to live or work with the narcissist each carry a remote control device. Whenever the N says something hurtful, the victim could use the remote to deliver a small, harmless, but very painful shock to the N. This would compensate for the lack of empathy, and over time would train the narcissist to aniticpate pain whenever they inflict pain on someone else.

The device could also be used to simulate the pain of remorse when the N is caught in a despicable act. As the N is shown evidence of their lying or cheating or criminal activity, a series of shocks will be delivered at appropriate intervals. Some shocks would need to be timed for the middle of the night, since that is when many normal people feel remorse most keenly.

After 5 years or so, the N might actually learn to behave like a normal human being.

 
Litha

[betterdays]

Well, now here's an intervention    that might or might not work on N, but would make me feel worlds better!!!! 

[CZBZ]

I like to keep members informed. 

Steven Johnson has evidently never met up with a malignant narcissist, a ruthless and heartless and callous narcissist. I read his book some time ago and considered HIS definition of narcissist to be most applicable to people with 'narcissistic traits', not malignant narcissists.

I wondered what folks thought of this article, so thanks for saying something betterdays! In my mind, Johnson is referring to narcissists who might have a capacity for loyalty and empathy without a compulsive, aggressive instinct. When I first read his book, it was WAY too early in my recovery and all it did was make me feel 'guilty' for being angry...and it encouraged me to 'empathize' with the maN who was destroying our life, bit by bit and day by day.

It's fine to have empathy for people with narcissistic traits if they are not actively engaged destroying your life...but we need to have distance of some kind before we try it. I think a narcissist worth his or her diagnosis, can sniff out empathy from miles away.

Hugs,
CZ

[betterdays]

Exactly!  And anyone who is egotistical and then sorry for it is probably more impulsive or ADD-type personality, I think. Many people behave selfishly and then can see the impact, and some go way out of their way not to do it again.  This is not at all like N manipulation.  The N's I have known were hopeless, but full of self pity when cornered. Thanks for the info, CZ, I am having quite a time with this cognitive dissonance-thing when I read articles like this!!

[LDW]

Whooohaaa Litha I like your technological intervention      

I can relate to everyone's feelings here after reading this article... This was exactly the way I felt after reading "Disarming the narcissist" by Wendy Behary even though she also looks at the suffering of the people who have narcissists in their lives.

NO you're not gonna get a narcissist to listen to your feelings if you gently empathize with him first... it makes things WORSE. NO, you're not gonna get him to understand you if you acknowledge the neglected little hurt boy within him first.... it only makes things WORSE.

In fact, it's arrogant to think that's something you're able to solve with the narcissist.

Leave the bad boy alone, don't engage.