Avatars?

[Sugar]

Hi, I was wondering, how would I set up an avatar? I look in my profile and I don't see an option for setting one up. But I do notice other members have them, so maybe I am missing something? Or is this a feature that is unlocked after a certain number of posts?

Any help is appreciated. =) Thanks!

[CZBZ]

Hi Sugar! Always nice to meet new people, glad you found us!

Avatars are only available for members with 'survivor status' or beyond. So join in with all of us on the general board and start talking!   You'll be a survivor in no time!



Hugs,
CZ

[Sugar]

Thank you for the warm welcome, CZBZ! And thank you for answering my question. =)

[Sugar]

Sorry for the double post, I had another question - this time regarding PMs.

Is sending personal messages another feature that unlocks after reaching a certain number of posts? Either it's that, or maybe I am lamely missing where it is completely! I wanted to send you a PM to let you know there was a topic made by a bot, but I couldn't see any way to send one to you.

Edit: I used the "report to moderator" feature for the topic, which I just noticed. But I am still curious about the PM thing. ^_^

[CZBZ]

The Private message feature is on the same Post Count system. I set private messaging up this way to avoid spammers sending emails to every member on our list. They could join and immediately send spam to each person which is too big of a risk for people who are vulnerable!

It's bad enough to have to delete spam off the forum but a private message would be 'too personal'.

Once you reach survivor status, the Private Message feature should work.


Hugs,
CZ

p.s. Thanks for sending an alert to my email. When that screenname showed up as a new member, I was very suspicious but was called away from my computer for several hours! He's long gone now, though!

[Sugar]

Okay, I figured that was how it worked. Thanks again for your help!

And you're welcome, I am happy to help in any way I can! ^_^

[Legs]

How does one send a private message? I tried clicking on someone's name, but I got the pleasant message that I couldn't look at jut anyone' profile.

Legs,none too smart about the mysteries of the message boards and where i that list that shows survivor, thriver, hero, etc? I stumbled over in once but now can't remember how I managed to do that

[Sugar]

Legs, I found this under the help section:

Starting or Replying to a Message
There are actually several different ways to start a new personal message, but all require you to be logged in:

You can follow the link that says something like 'Hey, [username], you have x messages, x are new', then click the New Message button in your inbox.
You can click another member's name, followed by Send this member a personal message from his/her profile summary screen.
You can start a new message direct by clicking the IM on/offline icon from the user info accompanying all of his/her posts.
You can start a new message direct by clicking the PM on/offline icon from the Current Status in his/her profile summary screen. (This icon/link is often duplicated in the user info described above.)
Replying to a message is very similar to replying to a topic.

Here is the page I got it from: http://www.webofnarcissism.com/forums/index.php?action=help;page=pm

[CZBZ]

Hey, good question, Legs. I have different controls from members. You'll have to let me know what options you have.

Personal profiles are private to protect member's email addresses and their security. The only profile you can see is your own.

When you click on the membership list, can you send private messages to that member?

Some forums dealing with sensitive issues like ours, do not use the private message feature. If anyone recieves messages from anyone that makes them uncomfortable, please let managers know. We are opening private messaging on a temporary basis only to make sure everyone feels 'safe' with the options on this forum.


Hugs,
CZ

[Sugar]

Some forums dealing with sensitive issues like ours, do not use the private message feature. If anyone recieves messages from anyone that makes them uncomfortable, please let managers know. We are opening private messaging on a temporary basis only to make sure everyone feels 'safe' with the options on this forum.


Hugs,
CZ

On the topic of precautions because this message board deals with sensitive content, I thought I read somewhere yesterday in topic (can't remember where) that you have tested a lot of software to make sure that it is not easy to find our posts. Could you explain a little more on that?

I have been wary about posting certain things for fear of my NM finding it, and even a little nervous about using an avatar I wanted in case by some minuscule chance she could find me through google or something (I know the chances are slim to none, but I am a huge worrier like that).

Out of curiosity, have you ever considered making it so that members must register to view the boards except for the new members/rules or something so they can get a taste of the place (therefore making it impossible to find posts on google searches) or at least make avatars unviewable to non-members so that people aren't distinguished by certain pictures?

I hope you don't think I am telling you what to do or criticizing (because that is not my intention at all! I always worry about hurting people's feelings), I am just curious of what you feel about this. =)

[CZBZ]

"I read somewhere yesterday in topic (can't remember where) that you have tested a lot of software to make sure that it is not easy to find our posts. Could you explain a little more on that?"

Our members were concerned about other people viewing email addresses which may be traceable should a N find this website. When you click on your screenname, your profile appears but it is NOT visible to anyone other than yourself. We tested this feature numerous times to be certain it functioned correctly.

Also, our former site was hosted by MSN. Member's messages were picked up by search engines constantly. for example, when I posted about my X-husband and his dislike of garlic, search engines would pick up my message, including a direct link to the thread on MSN along with links to recipes using garlic.  It was very dangerous for anyone who might need to protect their privacy. At the time (this was several years ago), a person could type in CZBZ and have pages of links to messages on the MSN forum.

Our current software makes it more difficult for search engines to retrieve messages from the site and add a link on google (or other search engines). We consistently check our names to see what is being collected by search engines. There may be a link to the forum (rarely) but there is no direct link to a specific message. this works well for members privacy but makes it much more difficult for people to find our forum.

I would highly suggest that whatever avatar you select is not 'recognizable' by anyone. On most forums that are not dealing with abuse or narcissists, it's common for people to post their picture as an avatar. We do NOT recommend this on WoN! Please do not post a picture of yourself or your children or anything similar. Choose an avatar that has 'meaning' to you but is common enough to protect yourself.

Even with a private forum (our forum was private on MSN), there is no way i can guarantee a narcissist will not find you on the web. I cannot pick and choose who is legit and who isn't. There is a false sense of security with a private forum and we learned this on MSN. The greatest protection any of us have is using a screenname that is not recognizable and avoiding using real names, job titles, actual location, etc. You must protect yourself if you are concerned about being traced. No forum, no matter how secure it may be, can do this for you. If you live with the narcissist, delete your history each time you log-in to WoN (Or any other website that discusses abuse or pathology).

"Out of curiosity, have you ever considered making it so that members must register to view the boards except for the new members/rules or something so they can get a taste of the place (therefore making it impossible to find posts on google searches) or at least make avatars unviewable to non-members so that people aren't distinguished by certain pictures?"

Yes, we have considered changing the settings so guests cannot see the General Posting Board. This works well for groups that are large enough to keep active conversations going on other boards. WoN is a small community which makes it more difficult to do that. Without opening our board to viewing 'guests', there isn't a whole lot to read.   When people feel safe enough with our group, they join. Many people are nervous about support forums having witnessed aggressive behavior by members towards those who are the most vulnerable. From a recent survey we had on WoN, it appears that a large number of our members have read the board for several months before feeling safe enough to join.

We are also concerned about the people who cannot risk their security by joining a group and participating. On many abuse forums, our conversations are their only lifeline. they can read but they cannot post. By speaking openly, for those of us who are fortunate enough to do this, we help silent viewers who are in abusive, even dangerous relationships. This is another reason why we opted for Public rather than a private forum. You may be surprised, as most people are, how much your messages help them when they cannot risk joining our conversations. Some people have written me privately to let me know that they read the board for a year or more and finally left their relationship without ever having posted a message.

"I hope you don't think I am telling you what to do or criticizing"

To the Contrary! I wish people would ask more questions. I am always relieved when someone asks me questions such as you have, Sugar. It's much wiser to ask than find out later that a forum is not in alignment with your needs! so ask away. Ask anything. I'll tell you whatever you want to know...except what size my pants are after sitting at my computer so many years.  

Any other questions? Ask Away! I love answering questions! Just ask!


Hugs,
CZ

[betterdays]

One of D's friends told me when I joined another interest group that people could google phrases, activities, and quotes you use often, and the conversation would appear.  I tried it, and up came two quotes from me on the subject of the hobby forum.  I tried it after posting here on a couple of occasions, and nothing came up.  The settings are very, very good thinking!

[Sugar]

Yes, I tried today what you did, betterdays..and I was happy to see that when I pasted direct quotes into a google search, no results came up! ^_^

And thanks so much for being so open to answering my questions, CZBZ! That is a really special qualities that means a lot. ^_^

[CZBZ]

You are welcome!

Hugs,
CZ