You won't believe why I am so damn happy

[jaycee]

As you know, I have been whining about throwing my serial cheating, XXL N out, sad worrying he may love his newest w***e, the one he lives with, but I am living proof, they do not change........always knew he had others, other than this desperate, tortured me till I threw him out, w***e, but I have proof positive, phone records (he has his phone with his w***e, but also still has a phone from our family plan that he uses to contact me and our daughter, as our son hates him and will never speak to him) I needed to find a number, via my online verizon account, and saw he had several private numbers and lots of voicemail use, so he must have accidentally called or he thinks I dont bother looking, which I never do anymore, and saw the number from the woman he has been seeing on and off throughout the years, I only knew of her through a friend, but had no proof he really was sleeping with her, right there in front of my eyes, proof positive, he is still seeing her behind the w***e's back, so I checked some of his statements, and there have been a couple of times he has stayed at a motel 6 over the past couple of months.  Low and behold, the man is a pig, and has not changed for her, he is using her as a homebase, he is doing the same thing to her as he has done to me all these years, guess the honeymoon is over, and no I now know he isnt coming her looking to screw me out of guilt, but out of his sick sexual addiction and need for constant supply.  My point is, I have been sobbing for three months, scared he will turn over a new leaf become so faithful, loving man to his w***e mistress, but guess what, hes doing the same to her already, and theyve only lived together for less than three months...........all my paranoia, all my fear, thinking he was in total love with this girl, has been in vain.  You are all right, when you say they cannot love anyone but themselves.  I cannot believe I finally have seen it with my own eyes, have proof positive the man is a DOG, and his little hussy w***e, whos paying for everything, buying him everything, is getting hers, hope she finds out sooner than later............sorry, had to share, I havent been this happy in twenty four years........i have shite eating grin across my face......and I can't tell you, I am so ready to go on with my life, knowing I did the right thing, i hope I soon find an amazing man to love me and only me and look back at the last twenty four years and say what a great learning lesson, i have two beautiful loyal children from him and that is all that I could ever want, ever.  I pray I stay this happy, I pray i don't ever shed another tear over this sociopath.  Hope anyone who is still wondering if their N is in love reads this, there is no such thing as love for an N..............only for themselves...............wish me this feeling forever..................

[redhairtemper]

I'm not going to say 'I told you so' but...

I'm very happy for you, perhaps now you can turn your eyes to the future and away from the past. 

There is a caveat to this newfound knowledge:  Once the N knows that you can see through him, they will rage.  I've lived through a few rages these past 6 months and they aren't fun.  Granted, I will take them over believing his lies any day of the week.  Just be ready, okay?  There is nothing an N hates more than being exposed for the fraud they are, I forced my N to write a confession letter to his entire family of the bad things he had done two years ago.  I think I am still paying for that one.

[jaycee]

I wont tell him I know, its for my own self satisfaction, and I can only pray his little w***e finds out who the man behind the mask truly is..............and soon.   He has confessed to me several times, that he has cheated on her multiple times, but i didnt believe him, i thought he was only saying it to make me feel better, to say, see i cheat on her too.  but guess what, he actually wasnt lying, he really was proud, thats what sucks about being with someone for twenty four years, they think you are their friend or buddy at times and they think they can say and do whatever and its ok.  i really in my heart of hearts believed he was lying about cheating on her, now i have proof positive and there is no more self satisfaction in that, too bad this woman is married, man how i would love for her to fight with the w***e for him, now that would be so gratifying.  this one would win, she has way more to offer and is a far better catch, than the w***e he is with right now.   even though, she is also a cheater, she still beats out the w***e.  I just feel sorry for her husband, and man, what a twist if he found out and went after my husband, and it hit the papers, i would love that, well, i wouldnt want my kids to be further humiliated, but boy would i love this w***es friends to know the truth, married man, living with mistress, shot over another affair...........wow no thats new worthy

[Crystalstream]

Ahhhhh the sleuth continues to unearth.
I am really damn happy today myself mate.  I wrote the Dear Narc letter yesterday.  I have decided that I will never be able to knowingly accept betrayal or lying.  So I sent the letter.
Seems the OW is in our home state for the week.  I did have some feelings about it, but I kept telling myself "It doesnt matter, it doesnt matter."  What matters is that I dont feel like throwing up today.  I slept well, after not having slept for 24 hours.  I did receive a letter last night telling me how sad he feels.  I am glad.  It is a strong indication that he has a feeling.
Its like an AA meeting.  You always hear what you need to hear.  Except here we always read what we need to read. And, we can read it again and again.
Pearls of wisdom:  If another woman takes your husband, the best revenge is to let her have him. 
My need for companionship does not equal the abuse.    I am taking myself out on a date tonight.  I bought a ticket to a concert and I got row A, seat six.  I spilled a cup of tea on my keyboard and cant use some of the numbers.  My biggest problem right now.
Fundamentally, all is well.  I feel free today, knowing that anyone else is in for the same ride I have just had, and that when I speak my absolute truth, it has the power to set me free.

[Legs]

not to bring you down, Jaycee, but now that you know this could have been going on for years and years, you might want to go for the series of STD tests and also get all the blood tests for HIV and Syph and whatever else they suggest, including an actual physical exam as well.

I had this same experience, that Lucifer was cheating all during he marriage............. it is heartbreaking, but he managed to stay sweet on the surface for 15 years and kept his slime hidden until he got lazy and stupid.

Gather every bit of evidence you can get and talk to an attorney about the paperwork you'll need. If they cheat physically, the may cheat as well with money and may have done sll kinds of funny money stuff over the years.

Legs

[Proud2B]

It's pretty rare that a leopard can change it's spots.

The same is true for an N. 

It's nice for you to have proof-positive validation on that point.  It only highlights that it woudn't have mattered what you did, or when or how....the outcome would be the same.

The bottom line is his behavior is the problem.  You did not do anything to deserve to be treated like that.

Cling to that truth, and may it buoy you up in times of feeling regret and wondering, "what if".  Now you know the answer to that question.

How lucky is that!

Proud2B

[jaycee]

I was so happy to find out that information, yet, tonight I feel sad, knowing that he will still use his current w***e as a homebase, the other woman, women, are just the desserts, they will never be homebase for him.  and as we all know, an N needs a homebase, I just pray his w***e finds out who he really  is a thousand times faster than i did.  but I am happy to know, it wouldnt have mattered what kind of wife i was, he would cheat.......so the what ifs have gone, and the regret is much less.   and i have had all my tests, thank God i have been saved from any stds or worse aids.   Please all of you please ask God to answer my prayers, as I need him too right now. 

[eyes_up]

Jaycee, It sounds to me like you would like to take his home base away... what he needs "home base" and let him starve. Understandable anger. Or is it that you have been replaced which is what is usually the case and that which causes the sorrow.

 All supply units are replaceable or objects. NOW PEOPLE or INDIVIDUALS, they are not replaceable. Narcissist never see or experience another individual rather objects that produce a desired result ... the narcs needs taken care of.

One of the aspects of being in a relationship that hurts people the most is that feeling of being easily replaced but what is missing is the understanding that a narcissist never experiences another individual , just tools.  The victims of narcissist need to regain or even begin to develop a sense of self out side of this horrible experience. It is not healthy to be focusing on a person who is not actually able to assess life and relating with all the components of a healthy emotional base. So, the head space here has to be seen clearly so that you can stop focusing on narc and his needs and behaviors. What needs to be understood completely is the mental illness as well as how your own head space has been woven into that and presently a result . Time to focus on Yourself, your needs and appluy efforts to your own emotional/mental well being.

Your sadness is grief after finally seeing the truth and that the hair line of hope ... that you were in some way actually needed for one thing is now gone. This is actually a good thing although it feels rotten when it finally surfaces. But I to fooled myself into thinking on an unconscious level that my existence was in some way important and unique with in the relationship. When I found out it was not... well, it hurt. The sign is pointing in the direction of reestablishing self worth on ones own and with out the focus on another person to create my meaning.

I create my meaning, that is my job and no one else will ever be assigned to making sure I know I am a viable existing self.  I do that first.

eyes

[jaycee]

Yes, it is difficult being replaced, but in this situation, only the location has been replaced, yes I know they starve without a homebase, but he just physically moved from here to there, he is obviously carrying on his long standing tradition of using a woman to care for him, wait on him, worship him etc, as he strolls from one bed to the next, but in a sneaky manner, all the I love yous, youre  the best, cant live without yous are going to his current live in w***e, yet, not an ounce of his words have any sincerity.  as he texted me, i love you, i have always and will always love you, i could never replace you because you are the one.  yes, as he is living with his w***e of the year, these are the words i get, so sincere, right.  well, she too, is hearing his words, yet, she is a newbie, she has no idea every word out of his mouth is an utter lie, and i can only hope and pray she finds this out soon.  then he will starve, because he wont be able to handle how psychotic she will become, and he will have to run, with no where to go.  unlike me, this crazy bipch has a psycho temper and will not let him go, she will just make his life a living hell.   maybe i should send her copies of the phone bill and pictures of all his texts, especially the ones that say, you know i dont love her, im just surviving since you threw me out.............hope she finds out about the others real soon too. 

[Legs]

Jaycee,

 I referred to Lucifer's habit as a "pair and a spare". I was the spare.the source of secondary supply..always there in the background, true blue and completely loyal and trusting. he always had a long term girlfriend that he "loved" romantically, a secondary girlfriend so he could enjoy the thrill of the cheat on LongTerm Girlfriend and then several "new" girls that he was "feeling out" to see if they could be his "friend". A "friend is any woman he could have some kind of inappropriate sexual encounters with even if it was just on the computer..he might have as many as a dozen of these.

 I now understand why he could never get anything done. He was BUSY!!!!!!!!!!

And I finally understood that in his mind we DID have the perfect marriage...but he never loved me or probably any of those other women. It was all about how they made him feel. I made him feel safe. LongTerm girlfriend made him feel eternal romance. Side girlfriend provided extra risk and proved that he was a catch! Other girls provided the thrill of the chase.........he needed all of that every single day. And why did he do it? Because he could. And he wanted to. And he can do whatever he wants. And he's right..he can do whatever he wants with whomever he wants.

He just can't do it anymore with me at his side. And not only have I stopped making him feel safe....I hope I am making him feel like omigod-how-stupid-have-I-been?? This woman HATES me and she is going to mess me up just like I messed her up. I know supposedly N's don't care emotionally, but I think he might be getting worried about his whole world finding out what he really is and what he has done. Also, I know he wants to protect Long Term Girlfriend. Good luck on that. My dearest wish is that he ends up with her..I want him to have what he said he wanted. He wants to live in a house with her...wake up with her every morning and go to bed with her every night..have sex with her several times a day(again, good luck on that. He's 78 and there's no enough VIagra in the world)...whatever. I will do my best to make that happen. I don't think she's going to look so good up close and personal every single day.

Yes, am still bitter but do understand he was never loyal to anyone. I was nothing to him other than a player in the production. I learned my lines and gave them well until I finally realized my part was a part I never wanted to have.

So I dropped out and left the stage to him. He's going to have to do the direction, the acting, the costumes, the background and the cleaning up. I wonder if he can ever gt anyone else to be in the production with him or if he can even get anyone to watch.

Legs, who decided again that the Theatre Life is too exhausting plus she hates being around most actors

[jaycee]

legs you are so right, I am safe for him, she is romance and all the new feelings that different sex brings, and she is a foreigner and he gets turned on by her accent and her temper.  I know they say N's dont get emotional, but now that I told him im moving on, hes getting scared, the fear in his eyes says it all, hes not quite sure if he can believe it, but he will and when he does, his world will crumble, because no matter what, even monsters have to feel safe.  he lost me, his son, and is now loosing his daughter, for what the excitement of someone new, the feeling of a desperate **** feeding his ego, now he has lost the ability to come to his home, lay by his pool, see his dog, and tell his wife how he has loved her forever and will always love her.  i will get my revenge when he can no longer stand the sound of her voice and her psychotic temper tantrums and no longer has a homebase.  oh, well, he chose this, i didnt, and now that hes not as cool as he thinks he is, he will wake up lonely and longing for the woman me, who loved him, stood by him and fed his ego for twenty four years and gave him two amazing children who suddenly could care less if he died.  sadly enough, he will die with someone elses kid by his side, because his own, will not be there holding his hand, or telling him what a wonderful father he was, and how they will miss him, or how they had loved him so, he will have, if anyone, no blood relation by his side as he takes his last breathe, whereas I will have my two amazing children holding me, loving me, and wishing i could stay forever, no that, is all i will ever need.  for him, what a sad sad existence, because in the end, family is all you have, and if you have lost them, by your own will, that kind of saddness will carry you to the depths of hell.  and yes, my satan, will end up in hell for all he has done to his beautiful wife and amazing children.  legs, its so funny how woman like all of the ones here, have been delegated to a life of misery, but are fortunate to be able to go on and change it, if they choose, and I choose to change it, because i can no longer love an unlovable creature, a monster who tried to take my soul.  please pray that we find peace and happiness in the near future.

[Legs]

We will. As soon as the divorce is over, I am going to be in a better place. I've already done a lot of the grief and now I am even past the real angry, angry stage. I am just to the retribution part..........I want everyone to know what happened and I am not embarrassed anymore, which I think was holding me back from exposing him, but what the hell.........he wanted it, he did it and now everyone is going to know all about it. He keeps saying he didn't do anything wrong....we'll see who else agrees with him. I am pretty sure the state will prosecute him for the things he did at work. After that, I don't care because if they do, it wil all become public record and then I can do whatever I want with the info. heh heh heh....

Me vengeful???

Ok, maybe a little.

Legs

[LettingGo]

  yeah! J you sound much more happy! I am glad you are realizing that Ns don't have any loyality, there is no "home base", it is all one big illusion. In fact in time you will see that the designated "home base" has it much worse, because she will have to put up w/all his abuse in addition to being his personal cook & cleaning lady.

i will get my revenge when he can no longer stand the sound of her voice and her psychotic temper tantrums and no longer has a homebase. ~Jaycee

This is just an appetizer, which taste pretty good, but the main dish, the sweet taste of revenge is when you don't even think of the N anymore. You can care less and do about what is going on in his life. The Ultimate Revenge is living a great joy filled life w/out him. It is going NC and blocking him from your life and denying him contact. You must resist the urge to hear him cry tears of Counterfeit Remorse -- it is only an act! The tears are only what he is missing (your supply) and not for the pain he has caused you, that you wont hear about.
http://www.webofnarcissism.com/forums/index.php/topic,7141.0.html
As long as you give him an audience, he will give you a great performance and get NS. Remember, Any Reply is Supply. Supply is the only thing that matters to a Nvamp. You must starve the Vamp to hurt him. It will tear him up knowing that he has not left you devastated and you have moved on and you are much more happier without him.
Prepare yourself for the re-N-chantment attempts. If he knows your weakness is to see the OW suffer, then when he is finished replacing her, he will show you how the OW is devastated especially if he has "seen the error of his ways" and realizes it is you he wants, desires and loves not the OW. Don't let your anger to the OW be the cause of re-Nchantement!

[SusyP14]

Any Reply is Supply.~Letting Go

LG ... that is BRILLANT!!!  I LOVE IT.  I might make it my auto-signature. 

[LettingGo]

You are more than welcome to it WW! That would be an honor and a great compliment. The Momster always said I never knew how to express myself very well. She always put down my writing. So thank you for your kindness. I need to figure out how to add a auto sig.-- haven't done my homework!
When the Momster sent a package for my D after we had sent her the Official NC Letter my H wanted to call her to say thank you or at least send a letter, "after all it's the right thing to do when someone sends you a gift." HELLO we are NC and the NC letter said no contact, no phone calls, no gifts, no packages. I had to explain to him that this would send a mixed message, so no not even a little generic thank you card, because ANY REPLY IS SUPPLY. Now when my Nsib calls because she is homeless once again and she has no where else to take her and her kids I am going to have to remain strong and practice what I preach! It is so hard when there is kids involved and she knows it. She knows my weak spot and like all Ns uses it against me. 4 years ago my H thought we would never hear from her again and I said we would as soon as she ran out of people to call and sure enough right before Christmas, perfect timing she has.