Intermittent Reinforcement

[eyes_up]

This definition was requested by Orange Poppy, I only posted the definition but reading the whole article is best because it describes how it works with a narcissist.

eyes_up

Intermittent Reinforcement

Definition:

Intermittent Reinforcement - Intermittent Reinforcement is when rules, rewards or personal boundaries are handed out or enforced inconsistently and occasionally. This usually encourages another person to keep pushing until they get what they want from you without changing their own behavior.


http://www.outofthefog.net/CommonNonBehaviors/IntermittentReinforcement.html

[LettingGo]

Thanks Eyes for the link. It looks really good. Orange Poppy you can also search WoN for past posts on Intermittent Reinforcement by using the Web w/the magnifying class next to the cat.

[Orange Poppy]

Thank you, Eyes, for sending this definition as well as the link it came from.
I found "Out of the Fog" to be quite helpful, especially with expanding on some ideas about No Contact, something I have been really struggling with emotionally...
OPoppy

[eyes_up]

You're Welcome... The thing that really helped me to stick with No Contact was the objetive point of view that no matter what is drawing me in, no matter that I want companionship and fear being alone, any sentiment on my part or the thought/feeling of love was this.

I saw in an objective manner that the result of the relationship was abuse. I may have companionship but I was being abused by my companion. Knowing that the abuse was not going to stop and that I didn't find it worth my time to salvage the other person when I had to do it for myself. Facing the fact that I was attached emotionally and knowing that detachment was my job to do alone (and with my therapist).

Just knowing that the entire relationship was essentially living off the other persons ability to abuse was what hit and put it into 5th gear for me. Nothing else mattered.

Abuse is not acceptable. 

Take Care,

eyes_up