Age difference

[bellelang83]

Has anyone noticed the age difference between Ns and their partners? I have noticed a trend both from my own experience and in the world of celebs - think Scarlett Johanson (27) and Sean Penn (50), Madonna (50) and Jesus (22), Tom Cruise (48) and Katie Holmes (32) - probably accounts for the rising number of (N) males trading up for a younger model when they hit their mid 50s or 60s (i.e. mid life crisis bs) and the (N) females who are giving rise to the so called Cougar trend.

[honeybearII]

All of my exNH's affairs were with women AT LEAST 10 years younger than he was.  He also preferred women with young children.  I think there were two things at work here; first, younger women made him feel more like he was studly which he was anything BUT, and second, these women were usually in some kind of emotionally vulnerable place in their lives.  They were usually, but not always, stay-at-home wives busy with kids and a husband who worked a lot.  That is a PERFECT setup for an N who can step in as Mr. I Understand Your Loneliness and trap them in his web.

Honey

[monique94550]

My xNBF is 13 years older than me.

Monique

[Proud2B]

ExNH #1 is 11 years older than me, exNH#2 is four years younger.

ExNH#2's first ex-wife was two years older than him, I am four years older than him (I'm ex-wife #2), the OW is 8 (maybe ten) years older than him.

Ya think he might have mommy issues? :-)

Proud2B

[SusyP14]

I have had the exact OPPOSITE situation with myself personally and ALL of the women that I coach.

xn was 8 years YOUNGER then me, and all of the women that I coach also had younger Ns, all between 4 to 10 years younger.

I was wondering if they picked older women on purpose to give the women something else to be insecure about.  One gals N called her 'granny' and she was barely 40 years old, but I guess he wanted to get in that dig that she was older.

What is weird is that xn NEVER asked me how old I was.  Never.  So I am not sure that he knew.  People tell me constantly that I look WAY younger then my age (48), so maybe he thought I was his age, I don't know.  If he had asked, I would have told him (I have no issues with my age), but it never came up.  I knew how old he was because I had to have copy of his drivers license when I was running around being his errand girl and getting his car tag renewed.

Another thing that was weird is that xn was a pretty good looking guy and and his ex-wife and exGF (the only 2 victims in his trail of tears that I have ever saw pictures of) were both NOT attractive in any traditional sense of the word.  He told me he liked a certain type and they were attractive to him.  Not that I ever mentioned that I thought the mother of his child was stone cold ugly.

[Retired Cornfield]

It wasn't a factor in my case because Husband and I were the same age, same day, same year.   He always thought it was a good omen for our success, however he wasted no time in being The Boss!  We both went to the same flavor church, we both were the same cultural background, and we both had blue eyes.  He had pretty good teeth, too.  How could I miss!  He had beautiful wavy hair, and I thought it was a marriage made in Heaven.
Only if you consider that perhaps God needed someone to look after him since his Mother had rejected him.

Retired Cornfield

[peartree]

these women were usually in some kind of emotionally vulnerable place in their lives.  They were usually, but not always, stay-at-home wives busy with kids and a husband who worked a lot.  That is a PERFECT setup for an N who can step in as Mr. I Understand Your Loneliness and trap them in his web.
-HoneyBear II

yep that sums me up except my husband didnt work alot, i just had major self hate and self esteem issues and N presented himself as Mr Wonderful/Understanding, oh and yep at least 10 years older than me. crazy looking bk
p x x x

[Proud2B]

In addition to exNH#2 being younger than all his wives and OW (The Church Secretary - TCS), the one thing we had in common is being strong women feeling vulnerable. 

Of course I'm speculating 'bout the other two's vulnerabilities, but he got ex-wife#1 pregnant when he was 19 and she was 21.  He felt obligated to 'do the right thing'.

I was in a terribly unhappy/abusive marriage, and looking for a way out.

TCS was in the middle of a divorce for a long-term, probably 30+ year marriage.  Her husband left her for another, younger woman.

Me thinks he targets normally strong women going through a tough time.  He always did like being the hero. 

Proud2B

[NewWings4MeNow]

I was two+ years older than XNH, and he told me most of his gfs were older than himself.

He traded me for NW who's four years? younger than himself, never married before, in multiple abusive Rs (per d) with abusive brothers, a corporate salary, willing to have XNH and d live in a house where the mortgage (burden) was (is?) only in HER name, parents married multiple times (multiple fathers and mothers), his culture and eventually she was passed over repeatedly for promotion in her lobbyist role (as being "too old") so changed jobs from wireless to ... online gambling ....  PERFECT!

In my history, when I was in grad school, at 26 I dated a never-married guy who was turning 40.  (Looking back, there was lots of N fodder to be learned there.)  Then I married XNH#1 who was four years older and had a lot of similar attributes as XNH except he'd also been a college football player wannabe so had physical intimidation issues too.

Today I just don't see how I could be in a R with any man who doesn't come from the traditional values with which I was raised, where a woman was worth more than her paycheck and her ability to support herself because godforbid the man would have to support the household and/or family he'd created ....

NewWings4MeNow

[confused]

Hmmm.

Yep. My very first truly N bf was 10 years older than me, as was a more recent classic overt N bf. 

My last X is my age, 6 months older--but he's a combo pack--ie BPD and NPD and OCPD (and more! ) so I think he's really aware of the potential/possibility of rejection, and is also highly concerned with "appearances" and what's "appropriate." In addition, he's a classic Madonna/Wh**e kinda guy, so, although he might secretly sleep with someone a lot younger (Wh**e), his "partner" would have to be someone close to his age (Madonna).

Peee eeeuuu!

[bellelang83]

My ExNbf#4's first long term relationship was with a much older woman (when he was only 19) and that lasted for ten years. I was reminded of this when my current partner was discussing his uncle (who also comes from a NFOO) and is also married to a much younger woman (15 year difference) who we believe is an N. She said she realised she was pregnant for the first time when she went for a check up to the doctors after her water broke... her husband bought the whole thing unfortunately, including her not having a period for 8 months beforehand. *shakes head in disbelief*

[betterdays]

Nope, N is one year older than me, which puts him at fifty-four.  He only acts fifty-two years younger.

[Bruna]

Hi
 So you believe that age differnce is a big issue??? A red flag?

[bellelang83]

They see age difference as being an advantage they can use. Basically anything that can be used as leverage will be used by the N to gain the sympathies or upper hand in a relationship and playing on the difference in age is a perfect angle. i.e. playing on the sympathies of an insecure middle aged woman who wants to 'mother' a younger guy to preying on a young girl who is inexperienced and naive and will obey unceasingly. It also plays into the 'parentification' process which Ns specialise in since they want to be taken care of by another.