Why are Narcissists so Popular?

[CZBZ]

From LDW's reference thread: Why are Narcissists so Popular on our General Message Board

From Psychology Today:

Why are Narcissists (Initially) so Popular?

Breaking down the popularity of the narcissist

Published on January 22, 2010

But what about the narcissist who could care less about maintaining deep and meaningful relationships? Well, since most narcissists don't care about the long-term (they tend to be more impulsive anyway), their desire to exploit others and their sense of entitlement is adaptive for them in the short-term, even if it hurts others. Indeed, Back and colleagues do show that narcissists scoring high on the Exploitativeness/Entitlement facet are more popular at zero acquaintance. As the researchers note, the consideration of the different facets of narcissicm as well as the varied situational circumstance that these facets can display themselves (short term vs. long term) can be combined to more fully understand the social consequences of narcissism.

Another paradox, which Emmons (1996) called the narcissistic paradox, is the narcissts' tendency to simultaneously devalue others while at the same time needing the admiration of others. As Morf & Rhodewalt (2001) put it, as narcissists:

          "yearn and reach for self-affirmation, they destroy the very relationships on which they are dependent."

Back and colleagues note that narcissists can ‘solve' the paradox by only relying on positive feedback from those with zero acquaintance whom they do not have to value.


          "Because others truly like narcissists at first sight, they contribute to the maintenance of the narcissists' most paradoxical mindset."


In light of this, I think blogging is a terrific arena for narcissists, if not the best arena imaginable. Narcissistic bloggers can get a constant stream of admiration from complete strangers in the form of comments after each blog post. The blogger doesn't have to value the commentator or form a relationship with the commentator. In fact, the commentator is helping to feed the narcisstic blogger's addiction for instant admiration. And comments that are too critical can easily be deleted.

Another paradox lies in the developmental pathway to narcissism, especially the role of parental reactions. Which type of parent contributes to the narcissistic child, the parent who overvalues the child (as some researchers have speculated) or the parents who undervalues the child (as other researchers have speculated)? As Back and colleagues note, a combination of both overvaluation and devaluation can contribute to narcissism. The overvaluation/devaluation combo has been suggested by Freud and has received some recent empirical support (Otway & Vignoles, 2006). According to Back et al.,

          "The existence of both excessive but indiscriminate parental praise as well as continuous implicit parental messages of coldness and rejection, rather than warmth and acceptance, ‘may help to explain the paradoxical combination of grandiosity and fragility that is so characteristic of adult narcissists' (Otway & Vignoles, 2006, p. 113)."


A fourth paradox noted by Back and colleagues that is also related to the other paradoxes is the narcissist's lack of insight. Back and colleagues suggest that it is this short-term positive feedback that contributes to the narcisst's lack of self-criticsm because they don't see a need for it.

          "Because of their ongoing selfishness, they do not get affective support in the long run, and they do not manage to develop intimate relatiobships. As a consequence, their self stays vulnerable, making immediate admiration even more necessary, and so forth. In research on as well as treatments of narcissists' self-insight, one should focus on both the intrapersonal mechanisms of narcissists and the social reactions that narcissists actually receive."


My recommendation

Back to the fact that I find the results of the Back and colleague's study very disconcerting. Why do some people keep falling for narcissists? What can we all do to safeguard ourselves from being duped? These are not simple questions, and the JPSP study makes things all the more complicated. This is why.

We tend to be attracted to people who possess the four qualities (flashy and neat dress, charming facial expression, self-assured body movements, and humorous verbal expression) that narcissists tend to (initially) possess. And to complicate matters, the JPSP study suggests that if someone at first encounter has all four qualities, chances are they are a narcissist. And not just any kind of narcissist, but the very worst kind- the kind that enjoys exploiting others while feeling a sense of entitlement in doing so.

So what are we supposed to do, intentionally go for those who show the traits that are exactly the opposite of what is generally considered attractive?

*Yes, that's precisely what i'm suggesting!*

My message to all those who are sick of being duped by narcissists, donkeybutts, chauvinistics, etc. is to change the script entirely. Girls, next time you go to a club, approach every single guy you see who looks shy and awkward and is standing in the corner of the dance floor sipping his drink too fast. Give the guy a chance who approaches you and isn't smooth at all but seems like he is genuinely interested in you. Give those a chance who don't at first display all four super attractive qualities and see if after talking to them for a little while and you've given them a chance to open up a bit, if they start to naturally turn on the qualities you are seeking in a potential mate/friend. If they truly aren't attractive after getting to know them, then you might want to look elsewhere, but give them a chance. (OK, I admit what I'm calling for here sounds like an en mass revenge of the nerds scheme. Well, why not? It's my blog and I can pontificate if I want to!)

I'm being a bit tongue-in-cheek here, but too many people are too hard on themselves for falling for the jerk time and time again (yes I'm talking to you too Jen Kim: don't be so hard on yourself, you're a terrific person!). The JPSP study suggests that there is a definite rational reason why you fall for these kind of people- they do tend to have attractive qualities. They just also tend to be jerks. Surely people want to end up with someone who genuinely has attractive qualities, but it might be sensible to assess the person in multiple contexts first before getting too involved.

This is the most sensible advice I can think of at this moment. I'm totally up for suggestions though. The appeal of the bad boy, the allure of the narcissist, the attraction of the jerk, etc. etc. is such a re-occuring theme across humanity that I'm happy to see some real empirical research finally shedding some light on these issues.

© 2010 by Scott Barry Kaufman



References

Back, M.D., Schmukle, S.C., & Egloff, B. (1010). Why are narcissists so charming at first sight? Decoding the narcissism-popularity link at zero acquaintance. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 98, 132-145.

Berscheid, E., & Reis, H. T. (1998). Attraction and close relationships. In D. T. Gilbert, S. T. Fiske, & G. Lindzey (Eds.), The handbook of social psychology (4th ed., Vol. 2, pp. 193-281). New York: McGraw-Hill.

Emmons, R. A. (1984). Factor analysis and construct validity of the Narcissistic Personality Inventory. Journal of Personality Assessment, 48, 291-300.

Morf, C. C., & Rhodewalt, F. (2001). Unraveling the paradoxes of narcissism: A dynamic self-regulatory processing model. Psychological Inquiry, 12, 177-196.

Otway, L. J., & Vignoles, V. L. (2006). Narcissism and childhood recol- lections: A quantitative test of psychoanalytic predictions. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 32, 104-116.

Paulus, D. L. (1998). Interpersonal and intrapsychic adaptiveness of trait self-enhancement: A mixed blessing. Journal of Personality and Social
Psychology, 74, 1197-1208.

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