Married means Married, Moron!

[CZBZ]

(If you are interested, you can read the  thread where this little gem has been archived  in The Duck Pond. )


WARNING: language is a little rough

Married means married, Moron

by anon, originally posted on Craigslist 2006

It‘s getting to the point where I can‘t even read those stupid personal ads anymore, not even for fun.

They‘re loaded with married people, bitching about their spouses, and looking for something "better".

I‘ve got a few things to tell you:

     1. "She" is not the reason your marriage sucks. YOU are. If you spent half as much time paying attention to her as you do trolling CL for OWs, your marriage would be a whole hell of a lot better.

     2. Yeah, yeah, we‘ve all heard it a thousand times. You‘re in a sexless marriage. First of all, that‘s probably a lie, because most cheaters are liars too. I‘m gonna let you in on a little secret, pal- if your wife isn‘t interested in sex, it‘s because you‘re not offering sex that‘s interesting. Married guys get awfully boring after a while. They do the same boring thing the same boring way every clucking time and they expect you to scream like a porn star. Seriously, you come home from work, totally ignore her while she chases the kids around for 4 hours, makes dinner, does the laundry, blah blah blah, and then you expect her to roll over with her legs open for another session of same-old same-old? When are you idiots going to learn that the best foreplay in the world for a woman is watching you take care of the kids, vacuum the floor, pick up the dog poo in the backyard. Or how about just listening when she talks? You know, it‘s not that clucking hard to stop thinking about y ourself for five minutes and hear what she has to say. Think about it- way back when, when you were getting your brains clucked out on a regular basis- what were YOU doing differently than you‘re doing now? Planning dates, telling her she looked nice, acting like you‘re happy to be with her? A thousand dollars says if you do that stuff again you‘ll get the same result.

     3. Your kids are NOT the reason you‘re staying married. If you were THAT miserable, you‘d leave whether you had kids or not. If you‘re not getting a divorce it‘s because YOU DON‘T WANT TO. For whatever reason. At least be honest and don‘t try to feed people that tired bullshit line about staying married for the kids. Contrary to what you think, it doesn‘t make you look like a poor suffering but honorable victim. You obviously don‘t care enough about your kids to treat their mother with enough respect not to cheat on her, and you don‘t care about them enough to spend time with THEM instead of some cheap alternative supply, so cut it out with that crap. There is absolutely nothing honorable about putting your dick ahead of your kids. If you really really cared about them, you would put ALL your time and effort and money into saving the one thing that means most to them in the whole world- your marriage and their family. Otherwise you‘re full of shite.

     4. We all know how bored you are. Poor you, someone should really come along to entertain you. What are you, clucking 12 years old? If you‘re bored with your marriage, it‘s because YOU‘RE BORING, and have you ever stopped to think that if you‘re bored, she probably is too. But instead of throwing a temper tantrum like a 2 year old, she‘s at home cleaning out the lint trap on the dryer and washing kool-aid off the kitchen floor. Yeah, she‘s having a clucking riot washing your underwear and cleaning up cat puke. Marriage is hard work. Hell, life is hard work. Grow the cluck up and take some responsibility for yourself. You have a brain, USE it. Put some thought into your marriage and some effort into your life and stop blaming her and being a baby because life isn‘t fun.

     5. You‘re looking for someone "younger". Sure you are. Dickhead. You think you look the same as you did when you got married? I‘d bet not. Even if you do, you haven‘t spent the last 10 years having babies (the ones YOU wanted) and sacrificing your body for them. The next time you have to have someone stitch your donkeybutt together because your just pushed a watermelon out of your butt, then you can sqwauk. If you ever spend 9 months with your belly stretched to obscene proportions, and manage to look exactly the same as you used to 6 weeks later, then you can bipch about how she‘s not attractive anymore. Until then, shut the cluck up. You have no concept of what she has sacrificed to give you the children you claim to love. You really think she wants varicose veins and stretch marks and saggy boobs? Get real. What she wants is a man who understands and values WHY she has varicose veins and stretch marks and saggy boobs. She wants a man who loves her because she was willing to ma ke those sacrifices with her own body because she loves HIM. Instead, you criticize and go running off with the first perky 25 year old who gives you the time of day. donkeybutt.

     6. And finally, if you‘re cheating on your wife, there‘s something wrong with YOU. If you‘re not happy with your marriage, exactly how do you think clucking some OW is going to fix that? Exactly how is that going to make anyone happy? Have you ever actually heard of adultery working out really well for everyone involved? Are you actually stupid enough to think that you‘re going to be the exception to that rule? If so, you are delusional and you need professional help. Affairs are disasters- not some of the time, not most of the time, ALL OF THE TIME. You guilt will drive you crazy. Someone WILL find out. You will NOT be able to keep up the lies and the deception. And it will all lead up to a disaster of epic proportions, which leads me to Lucky #7.

     7. Here‘s what you can expect in the wake of your little cluck-fest:

Divorce- this is where you lose everything- your wife, your house, half your income and possessions, possibly your job if you‘re stupid enough to be clucking around with a co-worker, your kids- EVERYTHING. You will LOSE IT ALL.

Exposure- this is where everyone finds out what a scumbag you are. And they WILL find out. Your boss, your co-workers, your friends, your family, HER family, your neighbors, the parents of your kids‘ friends, everyone at your church. They WILL find out. Why? Because your now ex-wife will tell them. She will probably tell everyone she knows, and everyone you know, and she will feel good doing it. Consider yourself lucky if she doesn‘t rent a billboard. Otherwise, all bets are off. Be prepared.

Your Kids- this is where you totally lose the respect of your kids, and you deserve to lose it. They will realize in pretty short order that you didn‘t care enough about them to keep your clucking pants on. They will see their mother cry and they will hate you for it. They will end up shuttling back and forth between their home and your apartment, and they will hate you for it. Every time they have to tell someone that their parents are divorced, they will hate you for it. And God forbid you decide to "introduce" them to your shiny new soulmate/fuckbuddy, they will REALLY hate you for that. If your kids are really young, you have a little time before all this shite hits the fan, but be warned, it‘s coming. They will forever see you as the moron who broke up their family. They will know that you can‘t be trusted, that you are weak and immoral and selfish. And they‘ll figure it out all by themselves, even if you never talk to them about it. Because your kids are smarter than you are at this point.

So, go ahead and whine your pathetic bullshit about how you‘re a victim and your wife is a horrible shrew. Do your best to convince yourself that you didn‘t have any choice and your wife "drove you to it." Start with the rationalizations and justifications now, you‘re going to need a lot of them. Remember that the best defense is a good offense and start a mental list of all the ways your wife is deficient. Make sure to re-write the history of your marriage so that you can say that you were miserable from the first day. Be sure to tell your wife that you love her, you‘re just not "in love" with her anymore. Deal with your guilt by lashing out at everyone around you. Above all, take no responsibility for any problems YOU may have that caused you to be such a spineless bazturd in the first place.

Congratulations, you‘ve just joined the Adulterers Club.

[NewWings4MeNow]

 

I'm speechless.

NewWings4MeNow

[redhairtemper]

It is soooo tempting to post this on my ex-husband's sparkpeople blog for all his new friends (and girlfriend) to read!  Especially since I know he is cheating on her and his friends just posted how he is 200% devoted to her. 

Must...resist....urge....to....cause... ..narcissistic.....injury

[tango3]

Yeah would so love to send this to stbxN - RedHair -we ought to form a club - RUTCNI!

[SusyP14]

   This is hysterical and so very true.

[Geneva]

If this was sent to a narcissist what would happen?

[SusyP14]

If this was sent to a narcissist what would happen?

Geneva,

If you sent this to a Narcissist it would mean you do not quite understand the disorder.  That you are still thinking that narcissist have empathy, the ability to reflect inward and the ability to take responsibility for their own behavior.  Not true on all counts.

I once saw an article that I wanted to send to xn.  Here is a little something CZ wrote me back in the day when I was new to posting on the board:

I guess the last paragraph is what the N will never understand or quite get.  Of course I wish I could violate my own NO CONTACT rule and send him this article. As if this is what would finally turn the light on for  him. ~SuzyP14

CZ:  Bad News: His lights are already ON. What we might not want to admit to ourselves is that narcissists can clearly SEE what they're doing. They are far more manipulative and conscious than most of us can even fathom. That's because most people are empathic; hurting others hurts ourselves which keeps our self-centeredness in check.

I hate to write this but sending an article like this makes narcissists laugh out loud because they know you still believe in their specialness and you still want them, despite the misery they have brought into your life. That right there gives narcissists a major rush...they can be meaner than shite, bust your ego, take a chunk out of your heart, crush your hopes and dreams, destroy your self-esteem, leave you in the gutter, and you'll still get back up and say, Wait! Read THIS!

Please remember these 3 truths when you are dealing with NPD:

Each personality disorder has its own set of behaviors and additionally, pathology is related to:

a. The inability to change
b. The inability to grow to any emotional depth
c. The inability to develop deep insight about their behavior and how it effects others

So once you understand the behaviors related to the personality disorder then you apply the Absolutes of Pathology  the inability to change, grow, or develop insight and you can take his behavior now and apply it to the future in ANY relationship. His behaviors related to his specific personality disorder are PERMANENT.

[NewWings4MeNow]

With one caveat:

Middle-age Ns, who typically get worse, can sometimes experience a Come to Jesus if one of their parents dies (especially the mother), when they may go through a shattering severe enough to lead them into therapy.  This I've read in several major authors' works.

It is NOT something to be counted on ....

They enjoy their lying, manipulations, the advantages their abusiveness brings to them individually and the physical/psychological rush they experience from power and control.  Why change what's so satisfying? especially if they're handsome and can be occasionally charming (when they're not being arrogant and angrily/scarily aggressive), thus guaranteeing an ongoing stream of N Supply women (and men)?

Geneva, when I first read this Craigslist post my first thought was that XNH should read it, because it states more clearly than any way I could have expressed it what a Normal woman's attitude is toward D from an N.  In terms of outcome of the sending?  None.  Because he doesn't care.

NewWings4MeNow

[CZBZ]

What would a narcissist do if he or she read this article?


1-File a lawsuit against you for emotional pain and injury and maybe even libel

2-Send an email to all your friends and family saying, "Read this! NOW do you see WHY I cannot live with her!?"

3-Write a dissertation on the abusive nature of Marriage, as a construct, and probably get it published. They might even incite producers to make a movie about the social destruction of marriage-as-an-institution.

4-Send you a diagnosis of your borderline personality disorder including how you meet DMS-IV criteria. You might also get a list of co-morbidities easily noticed by everyone else on the planet except yourself

5-He or she might also send you a Bible with highlighted sections on 'forgiveness' and 'stone-throwing'

6-The narcissist might reply with theoretical justification of his innate sperm-spreading as an evolutionary drive seeking pink-cheeked hippie women with whom he can fulfill his life mission. Then he will tell you that because of his higher consciousness, he wears a rubber.


LOL

CZ

[Legs]

<snort> If Lucifer read it, he would in no way even be able to connect the dots. He sees everything he did, the cheating, the lying, the money-laundering as his "private life" and since it is his private life, he can do whatever he wants as long as no one knows about it. He actually said that to me.

At the time I could not understand what he was trying to say, but I see now he was saying his truth...as warped as it is. Luckily our state of residence does not agree with his philosophy, and I really do think he sees this entire divorce as a philosophical thing..I need to be punished for his behavior because I upset His apple cart of perfectness. He believes he is the judge and the jury because of course, he is never wrong.

Legs, who REALLY wanted to send that article to Lucifer AND his married prostitute, but came to her senses by the time she finished reading it

[honeybearII]

Interesting, legs, about your H telling you it was his "private" life and he could do what he wanted.  My exNH also said to me "just because I work in a church doesn't mean that my private life (the affairs, the lies, the seduction of young church mothers) should have anything to do with my job".

Sheesh. 
Honey

[Legs]

Yes, those N's are marching to a different kettle of fish for sure....too bad none of them are headed for the Morality Tree on their trip.



Legs

[NewWings4MeNow]

When I read Legs' post about "private life" I was also reminded of XNH's unusual comments during our separation:

• After he'd moved out and I was going through everything in the house and found his "Having It All" workbook from six months prior, in which he wrote a lot about being D'd, all the sex he wanted to have with women, all the toys he wanted to own etc., and I made it known to him, he commented, "How dare you go through my private things!"  And I shook my head, thinking we'd been married those 11+ years and nothing I had was so private that my own H couldn't ever see it.  He'd never made a statement like that before, which immediately indicated his guilt and need to hide things.
• After we split and before a visitation evening drop-off, XNH spoke to me by phone and told me he could see d "any time he wanted, for any length of time he wanted" and threatened to not bring her back until the next day; when I told him that I'd have a security guard waiting at the house he said, "Why does there have to be a security guard?  Nobody else should know about our private business" ... while he was threatening me ....  (He'd already told me once that he was entering the house and that I should hide in a closet, and another time that he'd break windows to get into the house.)  Then when he arrived with d he didn't just stop curbside (per agreement) but rather tried to drive onto the property and almost hit the guard who was blocking the driveway entrance and she told him, "If you think you're going to drive down this driveway you're gonna have to get through me to do it."  D, just six then, told me XNH had called the woman a "pig" -- just the kind of hippie slang his Marin parents would have used with cops in the '60s and '70s.  I'd never heard this out of his mouth before.

All typical behaviors of an abuser bully who doesn't want light shined on their dark underbelly.

NewWings4MeNow

[Litha]

What would a narcissist do if he or she read this article?


1-File a lawsuit against you for emotional pain and injury and maybe even libel

2-Send an email to all your friends and family saying, "Read this! NOW do you see WHY I cannot live with her!?"

3-Write a dissertation on the abusive nature of Marriage, as a construct, and probably get it published. They might even incite producers to make a movie about the social destruction of marriage-as-an-institution.

4-Send you a diagnosis of your borderline personality disorder including how you meet DMS-IV criteria. You might also get a list of co-morbidities easily noticed by everyone else on the planet except yourself

5-He or she might also send you a Bible with highlighted sections on 'forgiveness' and 'stone-throwing'

6-The narcissist might reply with theoretical justification of his innate sperm-spreading as an evolutionary drive seeking pink-cheeked hippie women with whom he can fulfill his life mission. Then he will tell you that because of his higher consciousness, he wears a rubber.


LOL

CZ

 

[RB22]

well let's see, I sent it to him... anonymously... actually a friend of ours sent it to him... I sent it to her.

I was accused of parental alienation.... (I told the kids about his affair, they already knew about his girlfriend while we were married, HE TOLD THEM about her) And threatened with a lawsuit.

When he took the kids from school without telling me or going thru school authorities... the sheriff met him in our driveway when he dropped off the kids.  He didn't like that.  Told the sheriff he still lived at the house.... not in 4 months. In fact he was living with OW at the time. His driver's license hadn't been updated.

He started rumors that I was having affairs and hot sex with the guys who work the aisles at night at the 24 hour walmart.

a bunch of other stuff.... but I am tired and need to sleep...

Bottom line....it isn't worth the time to send it... spend that time on yourself.

Hugs,

RB

[Sugar]

That was one of the best damn rants I have read in a LONG time, LOL.

The subject matter isn't funny at all, but the way she was so brutally honest and just batting out those insults was freaking great. I couldn't help but laugh at how good she stuck it to all the disgusting people in the world who cheat on their partners! Couldn't have said it better myself.

Thanks for sharing, CZBZ ^_^