Lies vs. Truth. . . Can you tell the difference?

[eyes_up]

To be more precise about the need factor that I am talking about ... at every age, during the earliest years there are certain needs to each age. These needs once nurtured, taken care of are part of childhood development. The needs of a child of 2 and 3 are different from the needs of a child 4 and 5 ... with each age it changes. The development of the child and development of self is always on another phase. Adult development is not childhood development.

The designing of the mind is happening. Granted a parent can not endow thier child with talents not inherited nor more then changing the color of his/her eyes. but the basic needs regardless of inherited characteristics stand true for all human and they are arranged in a certain order.

The child DOES need love from the very get go. The love needed has to take various forms so that the child age appropriate need is met. Many parents love thier children and are not capable of nurturing the needs of the child.

It would be good to simply read a book on childhood emotional and psychological development to get the picture I am describing.

The way the picture plays out is that what the parent was not able to nurture and assist the child in developing remains undeveloped. Even addressing it later doesn't always complete the task. But there are methods used to help a person help work for the rest of their life re parenting him/her self on specific developments. Quite often the needs that were not met are ingrained and further development is not an option.

Obviously when we were very young we needed the love of parents and if the parent instills that then the search for that love is not a future practice. The experience is part of the being. There is nothing that can take it away... much like having blue eyes.

An emotionally underdeveloped parent can not assist or serve the child in the ways needed.

It is better just to read a book on this subject.

When parents nurture the child properly, meet the age appropriate needs then even if the parents die the child will have self developed and not end up with missing parts.

Part of the series of self development is love and acceptance. the strongest years affected are birth - about 4/5 years old. Specific developments happen then that can not be acquired later.

Basic love for a child doesn't do anything unless the parents behavior actually nurtures in the right way. Being loved means a lot of things to a 2 year old. An infant doesn't even know what the word means... all an infant knows is does he have physical contact? does she get food? That is the level of love also including mirroring. Take it up to the age 4 and then the needs change. So it becomes about a certain love action.

I hope this helps in understanding what I am explaining. If this doesn't work then a book might just might do it.

Here is a URL that might be of interest. I didn't bother reading the Intro but it goes into the importance of mirroring.

Affect Regulation, Mentalization, and Development of the Self


Peace,

eyes_up


EDIT: I edited this post to reduce the size of the url.~CZ

[Litha]

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/life/how-to-catch-a-liar-2300810/#poll-C926B9A6965B11DF88C4EE5DB10B4572

Are you being lied to? Find out how you can tell.

1. How is the person speaking?
Although a change in voice can be the tip-off to a lie, experts say that to be sure, you should also pay attention to a person's speech rate and breathing pattern -- if either speeds up or slows down, chances are you're not hearing the whole truth.

2. What is the person saying?
Liars tend to avoid exclusionary words like "but," "nor," "except," and "whereas," because they have trouble with complex thought processes. Liars are less likely to use the words "I," "me," and "mine." In their attempts to distance themselves psychologically from their tall tales, liars will tend to communicate using fewer personal pronouns.

3. Is his face giving it away?
You may think disguising your true feelings is easily accomplished with the help of a smile, but the expressions that flash across your face will give away what you're really thinking -- whether you know it or not. Experts advise paying close attention to the micro-expressions that a face can't hide. These clues are often so difficult to detect that even trained experts have trouble discerning them.

4. How is the person smiling?
A smile can sometimes mask a person's true feelings. Pay close attention to how a person smiles as well as other facial movements. You may be able to detect the emotions he or she is trying to hide -- such as fear, anger, and disgust. A true smile will incorporate both a person's lips and eyes.

5. Does the body language follow the story?
It's more important to examine a person's entire demeanor, as there's no one feature that's apt to give away a liar. Honesty is characterized by features that are in sync with one another -- so besides posture, note the fit between face, body, voice, and speech.

6. Is your subject behaving uncharacteristically?
Experts believe changes in a person's baseline -- how she generally conducts herself -- are worthy of your attention. You should weigh rate of speech, tone of voice, posture, and hand gestures against what you know, along with the context of the situation.

7. Is the question simple or embarrassing?
It's normal for someone to look away when asked a difficult question. But when someone avoids your gaze when asked a simple question, you should be suspicious.

[LettingGo]

Awesome post and link Litha. Number 5 & 6 are my favs. because they explain the importance of seeing, hearing, and feeling a lie. To pick up on the micro changes, it requires us to be at one w/ourself, to know ourself, and trust ourself to detect a talented, very experienced pathological covert liar. We must be in order to find the disorder.  Maybe that was only funny to me,  Yikes I better log out. Good Night!

[changedspirit]

Great post Litha-- it's a keeper to stash in my wallet for a quick brush up reference.  My NH when telling a "tale" sometimes goes into long long explanations and colorful details, i.e., when he was supposed to be at a "card game" with his ex-boss, but was at a Birthday Party for a 28 year old (He's 55) at a bar, I asked him about the "card game" and he went on and on about the  pizzas they ordered in with anchovies and pineapple -- and no one liked the pizza but him, and how a few of the guys thought one of the players was cheating (ironic) during poker,  Sometimes a RED FLAG  for me is the grandiose, pompous, detail-detail-detail, ....like look how cleaver and cunning I am in playing the game of deceit, he internally says to his F***ED  Sicko Self.

[LettingGo]

Sometimes a RED FLAG  for me is the grandiose, pompous, detail-detail-detail, ....like look how cleaver and cunning I am in playing the game of deceit ~ changedspirit

Most liars avoid giving too much detail, because if you ask them about it they don't want to be caught in a lie.
  Perhaps there is a correlation between the greater the pathology the greater the detailed lie.