How did you initially cope with the Ns cheating?

[CZBZ]

Thanks, Paula. I get so tired of people saying the wife was Ignoring the Red Flags. Well shite people...there might not have been any red flags. And besides, a lot of women have grown accustomed to their husband's absences OR maybe they LIKE having time to themselves, too. There are a lot of reasons why women don't know their husband is having an affair and please, let's stop saying these women are in DENIAL. It's a misuse of the term Denial.

It is NOT denial IF she doesn't know he's having an affair. Maybe she's very trusting which means she'd be a FABULOUS women to be married to if her husband was trustworthy, too.

This is an example of denial and as you can see, it's quite different from the pop-psyche explanation of denial:

A woman comes home early and discovers her husband is in bed. He is completely naked and so is the woman lying next to him, their neighbor. Her neighbor leaps out of bed, grabs her clothes and runs home crying.

The naked man holds a sheet around his torso and approaches his distraught wife, "Honey," he croons, "it's not what it looks like. We were just having a lovely talk about raising our children and it got so hot in here because the air conditioning is broke and you haven't fixed it yet, that we decided to take off our clothes rather than end our problem-solving communication."

And his wife smiles vacantly and earnestly, "she's such a good friend. Remind me to take her a casserole."



Hugs,
CZ

[Legs]

Thanks, Paula. I get so tired of people saying the wife was Ignoring the Red Flags. Well shite people...there might not have been any red flags. And besides, a lot of women have grown accustomed to their husband's absences OR maybe they LIKE having time to themselves, too. There are a lot of reasons why women don't know their husband is having an affair and please, let's stop saying these women are in DENIAL. It's a misuse of the term Denial.

It is NOT denial IF she doesn't know he's having an affair. Maybe she's very trusting which means she'd be a FABULOUS women to be married to if her husband was trustworthy, too.

Hear. Hear! What she said~~~~ am probably just having a crappy weekend because I am having to go back through seven boxes of nastiness for my new attorney girl. I will never get used to seeing this evidence of my loving N's betrayal and his utter lack of remorse and the realization that I was nothing to him and never had been for more that 30 years. I feel like I am reliving the entire thing as hard as I try not to actually read anything other than to figure out what it is, so I can type new, accurate labels for the files. My old attorney had THE most horrid writing and even after a year of seeing it, I still can't read it. Maybe after I'm done with this, I won't be feeling so absolutely wrecked.


Legs

[CZBZ]

((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS, Legs))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I hope you never ever get used to your X's pathological malice towards the woman he shared his life with for years. and years. How someone is capable of such abject cruelty is beyond my comprehension and I vow to NEVER EVER understand it. I have experienced the look of hate on my own husband's face and still hear it in the undertones of our conversation and still, it shocks me. I hope you never ever feel comfortable in the presence of pure evil. There is no word in my vocabulary to describe this experience other than evil.

Good luck wading through the paperwork. You will get through this...he won't. He will always be the hard-hearted, caustic, nasty, loveless, bone-chillingly hating jerkass that he is. That thought won't buy you a steak dinner but it may improve the flavor of your Top Ramen noodle soup. 


Hugs,
CZ

[Legs]

Thanks for the ((((((((((((())))))))))))'s CZ! I appreciate those cyber hugs 'cos that's all I am getting or ever going to get if I have my way about it. I had to stop looking at those crazy files for a few....truly, truly insane and the worst disorganization I have ever seen in my life. I thought Lucifer was disorganized.

Legs