Why didn't you terminate my membership?

[Legs]

<< 6-Anyone pushing their luck with too many 'clucks' (like the F-word) will be warned first and their membership revoked secondarily.>>


....am just wondering how many is too many?


Legs, thinking maybe CZ has been letting me use up someone elses unused clucks

P.S. and what about the "suggestive" thing......(slight eye roll)

[Proud2B]

Legs,
I'll lend you some of my unused 'clucks'. :-)

CZ, I find myself absolutely petrified at the notion WON will be down for a couple of days!!!!!!  I don't always post, but I check in frequently, sometimes multiple times a day.  I know you'll minimize down time, and I don't mean to browbeat ya.  I'm just sayin'......:-)

Proud2B

[Legs]

yeah, it's gonna be like...whachamacallit.....when you go cold turkey. I think the only times I haven't checked WON at least once a day was when I was too depressed to even brush my teeth!


Legs

[NewWings4MeNow]

Legs,

The upside to "clucks" is that WoN has developed a language seemingly all its own.

Yes, if we're all grown-ups we can all manage to find and use actual acceptable English (or whatever) language correctly.  But it sure is fun (and helpful) sometimes to be able to blow off with creative usage that I don't get to say in the real world ....

Think about some of the posts here, with all the acronyms and names used -- an outsider might be hard-pressed to decipher some of it.

Adherence to some level of decorum, at the end of the day, is a Good Thing for any forum where people from everywhere thinking everything about everyone come together to find common ground.  And it's just truth that such decorum, to which the vast majority of WoN members adhere, has been, in this writer's view, one of the principal attributes (like opposable thumbs) which has separated WoN by orders of magnitude from Other Sites with cave person participants.  There, I've said it and I'm not takin' it back.

NewWings4MeNow

[CZBZ]

Cave Person Mentality? LOL!! Not pointing fingers but yea, I know what you mean. One of my good friends who started out as a cyberfriend and lasted through one debacle after another with me, said that when she first joined WoN, she thought she'd fallen into a mensa group. That's a compliment folks.  

About my not-so-rigid-adherence-to-the-rules, though:

Most people understand what the Spirit of the Law means and that's our guideline. The spirit of the law. Still, there are those folks you have to be literal with and that's why our rules sound so...well...authoritarian and arbitrary and scary. Rules have kept this place together and when rules are ignored (or I don't enforce them) that's when the forum has a hiccup. Or a vomit. Or maybe a giant headache. We've had a few convulsions over the years, too.

One of my many flaws is that I sometimes put Personalities Above Principles simply because I like people and tend to give them more than enough rope....to hang me. When i do that and let the 'rules' slide a little bit, well, that's when I do everyone a great disservice. For which I am sorry.

Anyways....................every single rule came about AFTER a problem arose on our forum. The swearing thing is not a big problem anymore 'cuz now we have this new-fangled censoring machine. If you browse the web, you can find forums with topic boards that are disgusting! But Legs...you see, you're one of those women who understands the spirit of the law and you are willing to compromise because you CARE about your impact on other people...not just YOUR freedom, but their freedom participating in a safe environment. And I do love that about you. So there, you ship-swearing, high-heeled, long legged woman!

As far as suggestive comments go: well, we don't have any men on our forum anymore. We used to. And we had this cad who thought he was a player. Anything he wrote could be interpreted as a 'come-on'. Now some women were fine with that, it was all in good fun. But some women were really upset and frightened. They didn't feel safe. So that rule was put in place just in case a man dared show his face around this place. So far, we run them off in a month or two. And when they leave, they like to tell me WHY they're leaving.   It's not pretty. But hey, what did we expect from someone called TantraGuy?

(((Proud))) I will think about YOU and stick to the task so my son and I have finished the 'switch' as quickly as possible. Believe me, I was glued to my computer. It was my lifeline. I know how some of you feel, that's why we're here!

Does anyone have any questions about any of the rules? Consider our rules to be healthy boundaries...we can be flexible of course. There are times though, when rules maintain our integrity as a group.  


Hugs,
CZ

[Proud2B]

CZ,
I am absolutely confident you and your son will minimize the downtime.  But if it's longer than the weekend, can I have your email address?????
Proud2B

[monique94550]

Is it okay to "joke" about murdering, eviscerating, slowly poisoning, maiming, torturing, running over with a vehicle, or otherwise making our N-problem or someone else's N problem "go away"?

 

Monique

[Legs]

Heck. I sure HOPE so!

Legs, who loves revenge fantasies

[betterdays]

CZ,  we are waiting with baited breath for the new site!

Monique, I think it is actually healthy to fantasize about revenge instead of trying to be so nice and accepting that we don't recognize our own anger and pain.  Let's face it, revenge dreams are the closest most of us will ever come to justice.  Ret. Cornfield's posts attest to the lack of satisfaction that comes with an N's demise.  I dream of a do-over where I with hold even giving him a "hello".

[Dandelion]

Good point! I try to retain myself but as you might know Danes are a little different from the rest of the world - we do and say almost anything that pleases us. Our humor can be rude and sarcastic, we use a lot of cuss words and it's mostly in the countryside that people get fussy about them.
When I am angry I sound like a dockworker after 5 strong beers - there is no filter. My husband is from northern jutland, so he's pretty nice guy, but most of my friends are from Copenhagen and we have to really think hard about what to say sometimes - or what not to say.

When I was in Texas 10 years ago I know that some of the people I met found me weird mainly because of two things - I say what I think and say it directly, I don't wrap it up and make it hard to understand (I hardly ever expect anyone to read my mind or "know the right thing" without being told) + I use all those words that they find horrible, like f...., sh.. and he..
I do however also think they were entertained and inspired...and so was I - mission accomplished.

Of course it is easier to be careful in writing, but I really do miss it sometimes when I want to really express anger. I am working on some stuff in the US - setting up lectures about self esteem for some friends etc - and my worst fear is standing on stage and in the spur of the moment saying the f-word and seeing all the faces go *GAAAASP*
LOL

Anyway - my intention never is to be rude and I guess you know that by now, should a terrible word slip in there somewhere

Mette

[Dandelion]

Is it okay to "joke" about murdering, eviscerating, slowly poisoning, maiming, torturing, running over with a vehicle, or otherwise making our N-problem or someone else's N problem "go away"?

 

Monique

I see dead people....

[tango3]

Don't worry Mette, I'm from the UK, and I can curse like a trooper.  Can also curse spectacularly well in French.  StbxN would pretend to be horrified at he words that came out of my mouth - he was a prude anyway.  Friends of mine over in US (I guess they really are friends - LOL) would say that I'm bluntly honest, don't mince words, say what I think etc - may be it's just a European thing?

[Legs]

When I was in Texas 10 years ago I know that some of the people I met found me weird mainly because of two things - I say what I think and say it directly, I don't wrap it up and make it hard to understand (I hardly ever expect anyone to read my mind or "know the right thing" without being told) + I use all those words that they find horrible, like f...., sh.. and he..

(wondering  in what part of Texas Mette and Imogene were hanging out?)

Legs, native born Texan, lived here for almost 60 years and still a card-carrying vulgarian (plus, I just have to say, there are people here that annoy me too, but I have met people from all around the world who annoy me and other people from the same place that are near and dear to my heart. Texas is a big place....we have hidden pockets of fun, creative folk. We're not all born-again Republicans.

[Legs]

I'd LIKE to see dead people....starting with Lucifer and a couple of attorneys.


Legs

[Bruna]

I just want to say this: I love Texas!!!!
Love
Bruna

[CZBZ]

"Is it okay to "joke" about murdering, eviscerating, slowly poisoning, maiming, torturing, running over with a vehicle, or otherwise making our N-problem or someone else's N problem "go away"?" ~Legs


Listen, any forum that lists Narcissists as Rat Bazturds, is inviting imagination and perhaps, revengeful fantasies.   I have problems with those high-brow sites that pretend to be all lofty and etherial and gooder-than-others. They can idealize their intentions all the want, and deny their emotional reality all they want but they aren't fooling me. I've got one of the softest hearts in the world and yet, it gave me great pleasure imagining all the painful ways my X could DIE. Just DIE. Like on the spot, in a restaurant, on the toilet I didn't care. Just die, rat bazturd and leave me alone.

My fantasies were more about self-protection (because each time I saw or talked to him, i suffered and suffered and grieved). Sure, I have revenge fantasies like other normal women who've been reduced to a commodity...but mostly, i just wanted to stop hurting. AND HE was the source of my pain...for a long time.

One thing to remember about our rules, guidelines and Boundaries is the CONTEXT of the infraction. Like swearing on television. It's the usage of the swear word that defines the 'rating'. If "I" feel that someone is being critical or divisive, the power to delete is still not arbitrary. I have several advisors who counsel me and no tough decision has ever been made without several perspectives. Which is cool because they disagree with me sometimes. And even if I ignore their advice and my decision proves to be stupppppppid, they look at me laying on the asphalt like roadkill and they pick me up. They never ever tell me 'I told you so, CZ!'

In case some of you are unfamiliar with WoN advisors, they are: Honeybear, Practical Jude, Sydney Fireworks, and Talia. We met on the NPD forum a very long time ago and we know one another on a personal basis, too. I kinda think our forum is unique in this way. I never knew the people working with me on the NPD forum---I only knew their 'web presence' and my perceptions of their 'web presence'.

Anonymity is a great strength on forums but it might be a weakness for the management team. This has been my experience.


Hugs,
CZ

[JennyWren]

I have been indulging in a great deal of fantasy violence against my NH in my posts recently. I am the most pathetic pacifist...but it really makes me smile  No idea why! He is hardly likely to meet the untimely ends I have invented for him, but it would be poetic justice.

I have also thought it would be rather nice to imagine him finding himself married to a super-efficient mega N of his own and be on the receiving end. I would certainly like to pull up a chair and watch that on widescreen with some popcorn. And perhaps there is no fate crueller than that. Living hell for NH.......aaaaaah. My work is done!

[Candymom]

CZ -You crack me up... "On the toilet"????  I love that.

 I for one have had enough vengeful fantasies that I almost scare myself lol. I think if you don't use your imagination to let out the anger, you could very well explode, so yes, self preservation is my defense. As far as the language rating here on WoN, I can spit out a few words that are not lady like but I never claimed to be one and have been acused of brutal honesty but I do understand that we have to draw the line somewhere or a lot of the post would have BLEEPS all over them like a lot of the crazy rap songs my kids listen to. I think we are getting our points across quite well though !

[Imogene]

Legs: See, you were born and raised in Texas.  I wasn't.  I am a Yankee, through and through.   When I act like a Yankee around Texans, by and large they do not get me.  However, as I said on another thread today, perhaps when I stick around post-separation, maybe I'll discover that there was never anything wrong with the place, just my marriage.

      

[Imogene]

As far as the revenge fantasies go, I can think of no better way to kill a narcissist than right as he's taking a big nasty crap.  You would have to show them the hidden camera that documented all the grunting and straining before you pressed the button that made the toilet explode, however.

Yikes, I'm in a mood this evening.

[betterdays]

Imogene, I can't quit laughing, thanks for the visuals!

[Dandelion]

Well, they were catholics, so it might have been that. They had a daughter, 11 years old, so it could have been that. I never asked - maybe I should have

I LOVED Texas, the people, the food, the sights.
In the fall of 2010 I was in New York for the first time in my life and I fell totally and utterly in love with the city and the american people.
And I went to Macys on Black Friday and got designer clothes worth $5000 for $1000 and tried a personal shopper - I loved that. I felt like a million!

I am going back this fall, for 5 days instead of 3 because I want to see more than the inside of Macys. I  NY

And I wanna see more of the US - on the cruise after the stay in NY we met so many nice people who told us about places in the US worth seeing - it's high on my list of places to go 

The above text was filtered of any enthusiastic f-words for your pleasure...

Mette

[CZBZ]

hahaha, Mette!!!

[NewWings4MeNow]

I never experienced in my whole life having anything resembling revenge fantasies against any person, until/except XNH.

Really alarming when they first happened (oh, the social appropriateness guilt!) -- took me a very long time to get used to and I was actually afraid of those thoughts because I/we have remained under a court microscope of sorts. 

And it was because he was continuing to actually hurt me and cause me the greatest pain my life had ever known. 

Eventually I really only cared about staying/getting away from him and his kind of treatment.

NewWings4MeNow

[tango3]

Mette - I live in NY - about 60 miles upstate from Manhattan - so if you want to see some countryside (cows and stuff) plus you can teach me to swear in Danish:)

Ah revenge fantasies - I have a bazillion of them - I must admit I'm torn between him getting some violently revolting illness that eats him from the inside out, in excrutiating agony - don't want him taking to long to die so about a month should do it, or simply getting into a terrible accident and being brain dead so I get to flip the switch and then waltz on out of there - you don't seriously think I'm going to pay to bury him do you?  Potters Field will do.