Why didn't you terminate my membership?

[tango3]

I had the BEST dream the other night - stbxN keeled over dead   I didn't have to do anything.  I woke up in such a happy mood and then realised it was a dream

[Freezer Burned]

How long do you think we'll actively hate those bazt*rds? I am just not getting any satisfaction. I seriously think I'm ruined for the rest of time. My friends keep telling me if I don't recover and have a happy life, then he wins which makes me feel doubly sh*tty because are they saying I should just pretend to be happy? Sorry, no can do.

As long as it takes. It took more me more years than I care to admit, and all I know to do is to hate and grieve with all one's might so as to get it over with as soon as possible. When a woman is too old, tired, and fed up to want to *start over* and realizes she has wasted the best half of her life on a minion of the devil and that he is and will forever be the father of her children, it's . . . just . . . crippling.

If you fully focus on the anger, hopefully it will burn away all the sadness, and energize you to heal. Anger needs to be expressed as it comes up, repressing it causes rot. Expressing it in a Visual Journal has been especially helpful to me, since I am very visually oriented. Searching for fitting affirmations and using them to divert my thoughts from unwanted depressing thoughts and onto encouraging themes and goals has also been a lifesaver for me. I couldn't actually believe in them or anything at the time, I just read them over and over because they were "feel good" thoughts, but in time I noticed subtle shifts in my attitude and will. Most of my favorite affirmations are from Louise L. Hay, she has books and stuff in bookstores and a website.

[honeybearII]

Okay, I will admit my secret revenge fantasy.  Idiot Boy is now 65 and married to a woman almost 20 years younger.  My greatest fantasy is that he would now have to take Viagra and IT QUITS WORKING.  Ha, Ha!! Mr. Studly as a Mr. Wimply.  Honey

[smp]

Legs - of course it hasn't gone away - you are still in the middle of all of it. It's taking awhile because he just won't go away. He likes it that way - I'm sure. If you do a nasty divorce tales blog - let us know! I would read it daily - I love to read your posts - you have such a way with words - very vivid. You've given me plenty of ideas.

I do use the "act as if," I just act as if he were gone now, as if he spontaneously combusted! In my mind - he did. Of course it'll all come back with another trip to court. When everything is kinda calm and peaceful, I am able to go lengths of time with no thoughts of pigface. I hope you keep working through all the anger - only way past it is through it.

[Dandelion]

What smp said!

What bugs me is that as long as we are influenced by what they have done to us, they are in fact "winning", because they are still in our lives, still in control, even though they might be NC or even dead and gone. Even being here on WoN and writing about them, is a form of attention for them even though they are not here....narcissistic supply  in some form....hope you get what I mean...