"thank you, admin for keeping them away from us so that the inside of the forum is safe. You can't always say that about the rest of the internet, so it pays to be very careful of people who are crying victim while attacking at the same time."You are welcome, Scribbles!
You can find WoNderful people on the Internet so it's only to be expected that you'll meet a few folks who don't like your face. That's true in real life, why not in cyberspace? Ever run an organization or business and not be criticized by other people?
When someone gets riled up and claims you are the worst administrator in the whole world, administrators could shrug their shoulders and say, Au revoir! Who cares?"
Fact is: not everyone will value what you have to offer and not everyone will respect your right to make judgement calls and enforce boundaries. You'd just say to them and yourself "You don't like my organization? I"m sorry you feel that way. I hope you find one that better meets your needs." And you might them send a Customer Service questionnaire to see how you can improve the quality of your service. Or you might be extra nice and help them start their own organization that is specific to the needs you could not provide for them.
WoN is an educational website that attracts vulnerable people---people like myself who needed extra time healing in a trustworthy environment. For that reason, most abuse sites I visited had strict boundaries...so strict it was stifling. My inability to find a website encouraged me to try running a site with a few of my friends. We wanted a website that:
1-encouraged camaraderie (peers, not gurus)
2-invited long-term recovery (not ten steps yer out...or even worse "no Contact" or we'll ban your ass)
3-allowed people to be negative and pessimistic ('cuz if you aren't negative about your life being blown to hell, you aren't facing reality)
4-viewed messages as people not posts
5-had a core group of longtime members with healthy (not rash) advice
6-didn't tell me I was codependent or masochistic or too-stupid-for-words just because my relationship was abusive
7-allowed me to decide how much or how often I wanted to post
8-was not a business---oriented to making money which can surpass the initial altruism at some point
9-let me say bad things about Vaknin
10-loved me for sticking around instead of pathologizing me as mentally deranged
Because I generally feel a kinship with each person joining WoN (if they are willing to share their lives with us), it can be really really hard for me to draw boundaries and yet, boundaries and rules
are essential, protecting people from one another
and from themselves! Being a laissez-faire personality, it's easy to see why we've been fairly lax on WoN. Generally, people reign themselves back after a little while when they are given the freedom to express themselves even if it stretches our rules & boundaries.
But that still does not excuse people from behaving in socially appropriate and considerate ways. Most of the time, it's fine to let rules slip a little bit. Who wants a forum manager sending ten emails a day, telling people what they can and cannot do? If people need that, I am not the right manager for the job. Self-regulation is their job, not mine.
This forum is all about learning HOW to create healthy relationships with people
after the N-relationship. Many people coming from toxic homes, don't know how to do that! Finding out who you are, who other people are, relearning healthier ways to respect your boundaries and other people's boundaries will be lifelong work and WoN is a great place to get started.
Forum management means making judgment calls and determining when and how to enforce rules. There are periods of time on the forum when my role is similar to an overseer harnessing the energy of nuclear power plants.
(I hope everyone laughs with me on that point...no insult intended). I try to gauge just how hot it is in the kitchen though once in awhile, the pot boils over and then I get to clean up the mess! Well what kind of metaphor did you expect from a woman in a ruffly apron? haha!!
Hugs,
CZ
Total Members: 
Topic: The WoN Copyright (this thread is not as boring as it sounds, ha!) (Read 1718 times)
