newbie

[Rosemary]

hello ive just been devalued and discarded by the N in a 2 line txt ,hes now with his new partner in his new life ....
the txt said "ive found someone new ,and ill be relocating "within a few days he had gone ,who knows where ,no address or phone .We have been married 27 yrs .  rose .

[CZBZ]

Dear Rosemary,

I am so sorry to read how he is treating you after 27 years of marriage! It's unbelievable, isn't it? Well, spend some time on WoN and it won't be so unbelievable--it will be normal for the narcissistic personality. We learn about narcissism on this forum in order to find out way out of the nightmare. Then we learn about our reactions to narcissists which is key to restoring our power, our sense of worth and our self-esteem. By the time a narcissist is done with you, you feel pretty worthless so the majority of our recovery work focused on Self-work---repairing the damage done in EVERY narcissistic relationship.

We have people in all professions on our forum, including members who are psychologists. so believe me, this can happen to anyone---not just those who lack knowledge about pathological relationships! You can take heart in knowing you have good company. 

As soon as you feel comfortable, join us in the Grand Hall where we talk about almost anything and everything. You can start a conversation about your current situation or simply ask questions about NPD. I noticed you have commented on our blog, The WoN Connection so I'm assuming your husband has been pegged by most people as having a midlife crisis? People may try to minimize his behavior by saying he's just having a midlife crisis, so don't fall into the trap of hanging around for months or years 'hoping' he'll wake up and realize what a mistake he has made. Start learning about narcissism now so you can make an informed decision should his current girlfriend dump him.

Welcome to WoN, Rosemary. We are here to help you learn about narcissism, about your self and offer our support if you choose to divorce. Some narcissists insist (even when they are living with another partner), that they don't want a divorce. Your husband may 'force your hand' OR he may expect you to tolerate his abusive behavior. Narcissists may 'say' they don't want to divorce but their actions insist that they do. It is quite crazy-making.

Don't hesitate asking questions or writing about what's happening in your life. While it's helpful getting feedback from experienced forum members, writing is helping ourselves. Just putting our situation into words gives us direction and clarity.


Hugs,
CZ
 

[Rosemary]

thankyou for your reply ive been feeling quite suicidal this week ,i just cant seemto think straight at all .If i meet a friend and they say sorry with a hug i start crying even in sainsburys car park when i met an old friend yesterday someone i hadnt seen since college days
hes playing the kids ,one off the other now .today i got a letter to my address formy daughter whoseaway this weekend seeing his mum ,her granny with the baby dylan  as shes goin to a wedding party near the gran ,so shes taken baby to show gran .
Now this letter has his address at the top.
hi kirstie ,ed,and dylan ,
hope all is well with you .All ok here .Iwant to apologise to you for the abrupt wayin which i have done this .But i am entitled to a life and happiness.I dont want to lose contact with you,and have spoken to James (her brother)he says hes  ok with situation.
Please text or write to me if you can spare a minute .I love and miss you and dylan and James .
All my love and best wishes DAD .

What do you make of this ???
i sent my son James a txt to ask if hed been in touch since he left but sons not replied yet hes away in Wales on a teacher training course for a year .Im sure hes lying ,he did ring both kids before he went ,but not me ,and hes txtd kirstie once but she didnt reply !!!she hates him for all the suffering we have been through over the years being a woman she approaches hings different to James ...he just couldnt care less .but kirstie is angry .I dont want the kids to suffer anymore torture .whats the best thing to do can you advise please .love rosemary xxx

[CZBZ]

Dear Rosemary,

The devastation is so painful. When a long-term partner leaves all of a sudden, basically abandoning his partner, the shock makes her feel cut off---isolated---hopeless. This is normal for what you are going through, Rosemary. If you are feeling suicidal, that is also normal considering what you are experiencing. You may want to read this article I'm linking to your post during those moments when you feel as if you cannot bear another minute of the pain.

Are you getting any kind of psychological counseling? I went to a psychologist the first day my spouse left because I was unable to cope with my feelings and the situation he left me in. When you're feeling 'cut off' in such a brutal way as an abrupt leaving, it's even more traumatic if the children are being manipulated to 'accept' the betraying parent's behavior. The narcissist will try to turn the children's hearts his way even prior to leaving. It's a significant sign of the narcissistic pathology. Your husband hopes to get their approval, at least their 'permission' so he does not feel guilty and is not judged by his children as 'wrong' in any way.
 
What do I make of the letter he sent your children? Well, I think it's cruel, asking his kids to validate him leaving their mother so he can be happy! He even wrote that he was 'entitled' to happiness which is how narcissists look at it when they decide they want to leave. I am sorry he's putting your children in an awkward situation but that's pretty much par for the course with narcissists.

If you feel comfortable posting in The Grand Hall, I'm sure forum members will share their similar experiences with you. My X also tried to get our children's approval so I understand...What the narcissist does not seem to understand is that he/she is basically telling the children that 'the family' was so awful, they had to run away to find 'true love'. This only makes the children feel rejected, too...

I hope you have someone you can stay with right now. A friend or family member? The crying can be overwhelming in and of itself. You need to have someone there to reduce your anxiety...just being around people calms us down.

You should be feeling better in a couple of weeks, that's usually the case. If you are not and if you do not have family or friends you can stay with, please call or talk to a counselor who is familiar with post traumatic stress reactions. It's very very common for partners of narcissists.

I'm glad you came back to post on WoN. You've found a very compassionate group of people who understand the impact narcissists have on other people. 


Hugs,
CZ

[Rosemary]

Thankyou for replying cb,
I read the link you sent me and took the depression test on there ,i got 85,it said i had severe depression and to see someone immediatley .
my daughter came  home from essex tnt after the wedding party ,she lives with her partner and baby .she rang me to say  shes back and shes planned formeto go to babies bday do on Wednesday ,also to babysit whilst they go out to celebrate for a meal together friday night she said they will make me a tea (dinner) before they go out .shes concerned that im not eating and wants me to ring doctors tomorrow morning to see what they can help me with .
my eldest son buy my first marriage also called in to see me tonight .This is another thing my first marriage broke off when my husband left me for my best friend ??? we had been married 21 yrs  .This seems to be bringing all the agony back from the first break up .you begin to wonder what is wrong with me that i get this sort of treatment .He did want me back though when he found the grass was not greener ....but i said no to him .

Im going to ring doctors in the morning but mondays are the hardest day to get an appointment after they have been closed all weekend .I live in england U.K.I have no one i can stay with asthey are either far away or are all
busy working,My daughter only has a one bedroom flat .But she is keeping in touch .she said i have to ring her if im feeling bad etc .Shes going to reply to the letter off her dad at the end of this next week ..let him stew she said .shes had a lovely weekend and wants to be happy this week with her family not angry  so she will deal with him at the end after friday .shes going to tell him in no uncertain termsthat she hasnt likedhimsinceshewas 11yrs old and to stop sending her letters to my house..love rose x

[Rosemary]

forgot to say after the 2line txt i recieved a letter from him before he moved away supposedly with my spare housekey he had been using (the key wasnt in the envelope )that was worryingtoo asi live aloneand wondered what had happened to the key with my address on the envelope !!!
in the letter he said .
Hi Kath
please find key inside.By the time u get this i will be in hampshire with my new partner to start my new life..
I will be applying  through legal aid for a divorce ,as we have now been apart for ayear .
.....All the best for future
           Chris .
we had to live apart after he left hisjob last year ,as he wanted to sign on for unemployment benifit .That meant i would have to lose my pension credit and my housing benifit if we stayed together as in England  the man if you are married couple claims for the benifits  ..if i had to rely on him alone i didnt trust him to provide for us .ashes always in great debt
he leaves a trail of devistation behind him everytime ashes run off before and i couldnt trust him after that even though i took him back it wasnt the same .but we were friends he stayed here last xmas i sawhim 3 times a week he rangme and sent emails and txts everyday ,kissed me goodbye and we went out for lunch or out at nightso although we lived apart because of money benifits etc we we were still close i thought .so its still a very big shock.he had been tellingthis lady hed been hurt in the  marriage ,but it wasthe exact opposite its i thats been hurt .he never got a job again .love rose x

[CZBZ]

Dear Rosemary,

Be sure to call your doctor tomorrow or the next day if you can't get an appointment. When we go through something like this, it's easy to fall into a severe depression. We feel so helpless because there is nothing, absolutely nothing we can do to stop someone from leaving if that's what they want to do! This helplessness is horrible, it just feels so despairing! Don't let it get worse than it is and please know that this is quite common for people in your situation! At least you know that you aren't the first woman to go through this---many of us have and we've made it out the other side of the darkness.

Ask your doctor about anti-anxiety medication. When we're cut off and alone, our anxiety increases so be sure to ask about the appropriate medications to help you get through this. By the way, these medications may only be temporary...you will restore your equilibrium overtime.

It sounds like your husband has been planning this out for some time. That must come as quite a shock! But it is typical of narcissists who just make up their mind to leave and don't want anyone to interfere with their 'thinking'. They can manipulate their partner for months while plotting to leave and the partner will never know their plans.

Once a narcissist is done with you, he or she is really and truly done and there is nothing you can do or say to sway their minds. They are incredibly callous that way. Almost inhuman.

What is it about you that draws narcissists into your life? Well, I'm guessing you are a very nice person with a generous heart. Someone who forgives other people their mistakes. Someone who believes other people want to be better, do better...fix their mistakes and create a happy home. You're probably someone with a high degree of honesty who believes in the goodness of others.

It's a good thing that your daughter is around and can bring the baby to occupy your time. Try to follow your regular routine as much as possible, even if you have crying jags throughout the day. Getting back on your feet and at least making the motions to get through your day will help alleviate some of the anxiety.

Sitting and thinking over and over can be hazardous to our mental health!  So if it helps to write, write. You can write on the forum or in a notebook nobody sees but yourself. Writing helps us organize our thoughts and can help with the obsessive thinking.

Please let us know what you find out from your doctor and post here anytime you're feeling overwhelmed. 

Hugs,
CZ

[Rosemary]

hi cb,thankyou for the reply ,
Iwent to my docs on monday ,was awful as when i came out with tears down my face the whole surgery was packed to standing room ....i had to pass all these old couples together ....this made me sadder ...they were goin there for their winter flu jabs ,and i had to squeeze past them .
the doc is seeing me again this morning  Thursday .she gave me a pill to take evening (Mirtazapine 15 mg)
first one made me dizzy and my legs felt as if i was drunk .,but they havent done that since .she also gave me packs of complan food shakes to take with milk ,but i havent had any yet .
My exN is still trying to contact the kids he keeps ringing their mobiles ,but neither are answering him.He is trying more with his son .my daughter is going to reply to his letter this weekend she says and tell him she doesnt want any contact etc .
I myself havebeen feeling flat and sick all week .the birthday outing with baby yesterday was cancelled cos of grandparents and fathers works were busy .i just went to their house for afternoon .they are goin today instead ...but im not up to it as its food i ate some bday cake  yesterday and felt sick when i got home went to bed at 8pm.
Ihave been looking online at psychiactric reports on narcissists  but in all honesty  he fits the Psychpath !!!!!  exactly .
i notice he now has multiple  email accounts for facebook and emails ...
I hopei can get through this ive never felt so bad before  .willl talk to docs again today about help forme .
do you mind me keep  posting to only you ??asi dont feel up to chatting to anyone else yet ??? Rosemary

[CZBZ]

Dear Rosemary,

If you feel more comfortable chatting with me, that's perfectly okay. We can keep the conversation  on this thread which makes it easier for you to find the thread, too. Our main discussion board can move quickly somedays and it might feel a little overwhelming to you right now.

It's good that your doctor sent you home with 'food shakes' that you might be able to hold down. Anxiety can makes us extremely nauseous and we don't even want to eat. We may not even know we're hungry, our anxiety can be so powerful. Even if you aren't hungry, try drinking half-a-shake at a time on a regular schedule to keep up your strength. Talk with someone face-to-face each day if you can. The first two weeks are the very worst and it feels like you can't make it through even one day, much less the rest of your life. (Or a divorce). So be patient with yourself right now and let your body restabilize. If you can bear to walk outside a little bit, that can help too.

What your husband's exact diagnosis is doesn't matter very much. It's more important right now to worry about getting your health back so you can take measures to protect yourself financially since it sounds like he intends to divorce as soon as possible. When narcissists are 'leaving' a partner behind, their narcissism is severe enough that they appear to be psychopathic. An accurate diagnosis is best left to professionals but it would be fair to say, no matter how psychopathic he may be, that he IS narcissistic. He is only thinking of what he wants. He is not concerned about you right now nor your welfare. His narcissism is doing his thinking for him so don't even try to reason with the man.

He's trying to get his children to tell him what he's doing is okay. That's pretty typical of the narcissistic personality. They want everyone to approve of them. Even when they are doing very destructive things. That is because narcissists lack empathy so they can't understand how their behavior affects other people---even their kids. He's put his children in such a bind...i feel so bad for them.

If he has multiple email accounts and stuff, he has probably been 'trolling' for another woman for awhile. This is also common for narcissists. They don't leave until they have a replacement.

I am most concerned right now about you and how you're coping. The degree of stress you're dealing with is horrible...my heart goes out to you. It was the worst thing I have ever been through in my entire life. 

Let me know how your doctor appointment goes on Thursday. Does your healthcare system allow you to see a counselor who is trained in post-traumatic-stress?


Hugs,
CZ

[Rosemary]

hi CZ,
im in a more positive mood today  ,doctor has refered me to somesort of therapy today ,shes given me a number to callt mro ,after her sending an email.
I was up a lot last night on the net searching for what to do ,it gave me confidence ,and i mademy mind up to go for divorce myself .
I went to library got  books i needed .
A very strange thing happened after that i went into a pub that sells coffee  .There was another woman at the next table ,and i got talking to her small child ....the woman said  she usually works but had time off for a dental  appt ,her child was usually in nursery .her husband was a pilot in the R.A.F and she was a  BARRISTER !!!!!my ears pricked up wow i thought fancy meeting a barrister over a cup of coffee .So when she was going i asked her in what laws she specialised in .It wasnt divorce ,but she gave me lots of advice about it and she said take control and do it first ,,,,
also what category best to go for also legal aid should not be a problem she said if what i told her was right .she even advised meon a good local solicitors who is into family /divorce law .so i have made an appointment for Monday lunchtime.
Im feeling so much better C.Z. now ive made my mind up .I dont even care if ive fallen into his trap and maybe this is what he wanted me to do....as its my decision today not his .thankyou for listening to me   ,and advising me .yes talking to someone each day and walking out even in the rain is good  love Rose x

[CZBZ]

Dear Rosemary,

It's so great to read about you going to the library, talking to a barrister, making an appointment to see the solicitor and basically: Taking Charge of your Life. It sounds to me from your messages, that he hasn't been a reliable provider for the family for a long time. Now he does not want to work and you have had to finagle your life around what 'he wants'...even living apart and allowing him to visit when 'he wants'. So 'he wants' a new partner and 'he wants' a new life and he believes, for some crazy reason, that he can just do whatever 'he wants'. People like this feel so entitled that they exploit anyone who ever cared about them at all. Finally, everyone is so sick of giving him what 'he wants' that they cut ties with him completely.

You might have already done this but if not, write a list of questions to ask your solicitor before you go to your appointment. If you've thought ahead, you can keep the conversation focused on questions that are bothering you. Then you won't have to call back a day later saying, "I forgot to ask.................". It's best to give yourself extra time to collect your thoughts. 

And what a happy coincidence to meet someone in the pub who could advise you! It's hard to explain but especially during our most vulnerable times, we meet people who end up being the right people to help us, like the woman and her child who just happened to be there when you just happened to walk into the pub. I met people seemingly out-of-the-blue and they were exactly the people who could help me get through that awful time. Keep your eyes open  Rosemary, because good, concerned and kind-hearted people are there!


Hugs,
CZ

[Rosemary]

hi C.Z., i feel so much better today ,more positive ,after reading the books from library and working through in my mind whats what !!! i met a friend today who has divorced her husband ...its taken 6 yrs through the courts as he is such a Bas....d.its still not complete  as she found out he had properties hidden so thats being fought over now .
I wont have that problem as he never has "a pot to P..ss in "...
Thankyou for the advice about writing down things before solicitors  ,im a list writer  myself .I think the first visit will be about if i can get legal aid   ,otherwise they dont even start it off .The barrister said to me i should qualify  ...but the govt is being very tight at the moment with public cash with this resession  etc .
my ex has txtd both children today to say "it was a bad move ,and hes coming back to yorkshire to his flat " neither child replied to him they just told me instead .my daughter is going with me on Monday to solicitors for support so thats nice .Im still going ahead whatever he does or says im very determined and bloody angry too still .
thankyou for the reply C.Z i will keep in touch .love rose xxx

[CZBZ]

"I wont have that problem as he never has "a pot to P..ss in " ~Rosemary

Hahaha!!! Not too many Ps have a pot to P in, unless they are SMART Ps, that is. Then they have an office on the penthouse floor of a corporation. Or hey, they might be in charge of Defense or another high-profile position granting them automatic respect and power. The good thing about loving a P without a pot to P in is that you won't be arguing over property and he won't have influence over the media to smear your reputation and make your life miserable.

So now he's coming back, eh? Wow...that's so...well, narcissistic. He runs off with the gingerbread girl and when she isn't the dream he thought she'd be (or vice versa. She may have woken up one morning and said "You LIED to me. You suck!") he expects everyone to let him come back. His narcissism might also lead him to believe he is entitled to his family's Pity. That you all should feel sorry for him because his little happy romance didn't work out!!! That is what jerks these guys are. Don't fall for that and I sure hope your kids don't.

Because he has tipped his hand to you and proven he intends to keep looking for your replacement, I think you are very wise to see the attorney/solicitor on Monday. It's like your husband has held you hostage for years...

Thanks for coming back to chat. If you have time to let me know what happens on Monday, I'd love to hear from you!

All the best,

Hugs,
CZ

[Rosemary]

Hi C.Z.,thanks for the lovely reply made me laugh !!!,
I went to solicitors this lunch time  everything was easy ,as id prepared all before i went all statements and the messages he had sent her on facebook messager HAHA i bet the office staff have a good laugh over this one .may even end up pinned on a wall !!.
they said its all straight forwards if they dont know which address hes at ...ive given them his national insurance number ,You need that either to work, or to sign on for socialmoney ...so they can trace him also his mobile phone numbers and both addresses .they will take it to him if he doesnt respond  or just go ahead  later if he cant be found .
they said it should take about 3months as wehave no property and hes had his property from this house when he moved a year ago ,and the children are grown up youngest is 23 yrsold .
Im divorcing him on" unreasonable behaviour " as its easy to prove  rather than "adultry ".
They said they will move as fast as they can when they read the letters and the messages etc also my history over the
decades the treatment ive had to put up with they said theres more than enough to prove it ..
Also i will get this free on legal aid as im a pensioner on pension credit guarantee ...so thats good and a relief .
Ialso showed them the debts i was left with last year and i had to go for a debt relief order through the citizens advice ..insolvency  council etc this should be finished this month as i did it last october .and its for ayear .
I also spoke about having to go to the docs and that she reffered me for therapy  as i was suicidal etc and this wasntthe first time he drove me to this .
I feel so much better ,and i cant wait to be rid of him .
He has been pestering the youngest boy ,he told me last night ...he answered the last call and his dad didnt even know
he was in Wales or what he was doing there ....hes doing teacher training .So james said "look im sure you will hear if i die " and hung up on his dad .....says it all doesnt it .will keep you in the know ,love rose xxx

[JennyWren]

Rose...Hi!...I hope you don`t mind me responding to your post...I am in the UK too...and am nearly done divorcing my Nhusband for "Unreasonable behaviour". That part has been very straight forward...and it sounds like you have plenty of evidence.

Just wanted to send you lots of support. 

[Rosemary]

Thankyou Jenny wren no i dont mind anyone responding at all .
This morning i got the first response on my old mobile number a text saying "I dont suppose your interested  but coming back to yorks today "
cheeky swine !!! after all he has done ....i cant wait for my divorce to come through and celebrate .
Its nice to meet somone else on here who is from  U.K as the laws seem to be a lot different to the american version so we dont really get the same way of doing things  do we .
I bet you are glad its nearly over for you ,ive only just started ,and he is as slippery  as an eel  ,he just dissappears  .Hope they can present him with the papers before he  bunks off to Africa or somewhere else lol.
                    love Rose x

[CZBZ]

Dear Rosemary,

So you can divorce based on 'unreasonable' behavior? That's a relief. He might fight any claim he had committed adultery. He could live with that woman for ten years and insist there was no adultery. That's a N for ya...whatever they say is the truth according to them, that is.

It's so good to hear that you are taking charge of your life right now and making decisions based on what is good for you. Even with good-hearted people, narcissists push their luck too far...there is a point at which people say 'Enough. Enough!" He's probably used to manipulating everyone so he can get whatever he wants and if you don't budge this time, he'll have to deal with the consequences of his choices. Narcissists push limits...over and over and over so you have to hold strong because they'll keep trying to get their way.

 

"I dont suppose your interested  but coming back to yorks today "

Wow. I thought he was headed off for the happy life he deserved. Looks like the pasture wasn't greener on the other side of the fence. I gotta say, he's set a record! How long did his ultimate happiness and joy last? three days?!! 

How did you feel when he sent this text? Any desire to reconcile? Even when our heads know the right decision is to end the relationship, our hearts are reluctant to follow through. I'm hoping you're feeling better, rosemary. You've made a lot of progress already and you've done the healthy thing reaching out for help. That is a true sign of courage. 


Hugs,
CZ

[JennyWren]

Dear Rose...the pull of Yorkshire is strong.    Not to mention the pull of your being there! Hope all is well. 

[Rosemary]

yes C.Z.a record !!!!ha ha he went on the 25th october
have read a couple of facebook messages to him from the family down there ....very explicit Ha Ha !!!!!
first one said "Your a no good C..T using name.G.F....bazturd never cum back here again from ...name...a family member "

second message "You fell in the trap of Winnie the witch and ...name....Y listen 2 them he beat me for 25 years he is an alcoholic she is trouble,....name /gf cud have changed  u didnt give her a chance did  you ,and u also used her ,y not listen 2 me and my bloke ,we maybe disabled but human ..T.B.."
Woops he used her what a surprise 
i cant stop laughing  at the way hes been kicked out ha ha ha what a turn up for the books !!!!makes me  very happy today .
Ive turned my old phone off so he cant contact me as he doesnt know my new number my daughter gave me her old phone and a new sim card shes an angel 
he now has 220 emails in his box in hotmail ha ha i know the password too also the passwords to 2 facebook accounts
i havent got a high I.Q for nothin 132 ......

Yes Jenny wren the pull of yorkshire is always very strong  i know when ive lived away from here ...hes from  Essex really ,but no pull there is there, as he shunned his mum and shes not pleased as he pawned  his dads (now dead) clan ring as he was scots , woops not a good move there ,my daughter told her granny as they are very close as she had 5 boys and my daughter was the first girl in the family for years ...she spoilt her granchild from the begining...he he .
Im very strong C.Z there will be NO going back i hate him with a passion  =dracula=blood sucker .
Ive kept my pecker up with steve tyler aerosmith album  i love aerosmith i play it lots every day it makes me feel good
any hard rock does but specially aerosmith .love Rosemary x

[CZBZ]

Steven Tyler - (It) Feels So Good

You know what makes you feel so good?

Clarity. Truth. Reality.

We fear it, dread it, deny it and yet, it feels so good.

You've been caught in limbo land, living apart for over a year while believing he was still committed to the marriage. Trusting him while not being able to trust him the way married couples should...supporting his half-baked ideas and what 'he' wanted to do despite the impact on you as his partner. And now you know the truth about his intentions and now you have a slice of reality to ground yourself in; and now you have clarity about what he's capable of doing no matter what he promises.

It is such a relief to know the truth...finally. Because now you can take action without second-guessing yourself. This time, the spider fell into his own web and set you free! 

Hugs,
CZ

[Rosemary]

YES C.Z, you are so right about the truth ,clarity ,thing and yes he fell into his own web LOL!!!!!!!!
Thankyou for the lovely steven video ,much appreciated  luv him 
      Love rose x

[Rosemary]

well its been all quiet since he sent the txt to me the morning of his return to yorkshire .
He has tried to be in touch with youngest son  but been ignored so far ......
Makes me wonder what is up his sleeve as in the past it was nonstop phone calls ....txts ...and letters posted either by himself or through royalmail  .......this is new behaviour for me .
your always on edge with the N .......love rose x

[CZBZ]

Be careful with you curiosity. You know what happened to the cat, right?  As long as you are steadfast in your decisions, you'll keep making progress so no matter what this guy does next, you'll be prepared. That's the tricky part since most of us 'delay' the divorce/leaving in hopes the narcissist has finally woken up, been touched by holy angels, had a 'transformation' and suddenly gotten the light of enlightenment and from that moment on, will be a changed person. I've been on this forum for years now and so far, that's never happened. 

Are your kids just rolling their eyes at him now? Are they angry? Or just 'quiet'? It must frustrate them to have their father yank them around with his 'true love and happiness' and then slither home with his tail between his legs. Perhaps it makes him look so ridiculous that they're able to stay OUT of his drama? How seriously can you take a man who finds and loses love in a weekend? It's hard for children to see a parent behave that way but at the same time, it makes things much clearer! What's clearer is that Dad is up to no good---he's serving himself at everyone else's expense.


Hugs,
CZ

[Rosemary]

Hi C.Z.     yes im being  careful ,the onlything is i need him to be back in his old flat to be served the divorce petition
as thats the address i gave the solicitors ,ive been told by my daughter that he said "im back in .....town ..". but wether its same address we dont know ,as no one wants to speak to him  we have to guess.
My youngest son has gone quiet about Dad  ,but the daughter is angry and calls him a D..k..D  ...and he is one .....
I sps  he may want to stay low for a while ,chasing others on the net .......you know romancing them with his charms ,certainly not with his money .Hes not been to see my eldest son either ,who lives in same town as him. =big grin=Rose x
 

[CZBZ]

The divorce petition! I see...well, that can be a challenge sometimes. If the N is having second thoughts because he doesn't have a 'backup' soulmate yet, he might make it difficult to find him. We had a situation on the board when the N basically hid himself on the car's floorboards trying to hide from 'reality'.

"Yes, Mr. N...there are consequences for making the choices you have and by the way, you are NOT six years old and we can 'see you' under that table." Male Ns are particularly fond of hiding beneath a woman's skirts. ha!

It might take another decade and string of broken hearts, but seriously---finding love on the Internet? It's risky business. You picture who they are, even imagining their character traits and it can take some big-time hurt to make you question you initial beliefs. I feel really sorry for people who are naive, maybe a little gullible, but basically very nice and trusting people. They will be hurt by those who use the Internet to 'manage' their image. Cuz once you get to know them, they are NOT at ALL how they seemed to be online!

Sounds like your soon-to-be-X really built himself up to be someone he wasn't! He was "outed" pretty darn fast. I am relieved you aren't letting him weasel his way back into your heart.


Hugs,
CZ