"Fake it till you make it"... WDYT?

[alatariel]

Well, can you talk about emotional abuse?  B/c he was definitely emotionally abusing you.  How about stress?  Depression or anxiety?  Perhaps mentioning any of those problems might lead them in the right direction for treatment?

[Rosemary]

Yes  i can call it emotional abuse as  i once started  divorce proceedings against him on that cause .

but i didnt go through with it because the kids were young and i thought it would be best for them sillyme !!!!
ill use that Alateriel  ,you knowmy heads gone all confused what with the divorce and xmas and now therapy .Ijust want to hibernate till Spring  ~~~~if only eh !! sorry you having all that troublewith the kids and fleas too,get you down .

[JennyWren]

Rosemary....WELL DONE for even getting referred to a therapist in this green and glorious BONKERS land of the UK...where nobody must ever speak of depression...or anxiety...or personality disorders. For we must all "Suck it up"...."stiff upper lip" and all that. You should get a bl**dy knighthood for courageous use of the NHS against the odds.

I went to the GP a year ago because I was beside myself that my husband had decided to go off with his ex-gf of 24 years previous and thought he would pass the time until she reached the UK from Australia by throwing things and shouting. Unsurprisingly.....the stress made me unable to eat (I know you are having trouble there....it does get better  ).....and just for extra fun....my hair began to fall out.

So I sit in front of the GP...who I have never seen before in my life...and never will again for sure...and ask whether stress can make your hair fall out. And the whole story of BigBird and his Princess Precious (mad gfs pet name  ) comes pouring out.

GP looks sympathetically at me....says "There there" and suggests some vitamin pills and antidepressants will do the trick.

No interest in therapists or counselling of any kind.

Even better than that.....when BigBird was in the throws of his Mid Life Crisis glass throwing, shouting in face, locking me out etc phase....without any clue what to do....I went to the Citizen`s Advice Bureau.          ......saw a lovely little man who was so kind....he put his arm round me and suggested I might be able to save my marriage if I went to Relate (Marriage Guidance Counsellors)

I mean PLEASE!!!!

Later...I wandered by sheer luck into an excellent solicitors office....and they advised me that what was happening was a clear case of domestic abuse and that I should go the Police.

Now THEY were absolutely FANTASTIC. They went through a risk assessment and (Off the record) said BigBird was a complete bazturd and I should dump him straight away.

I was also referred to a domestic violence charity. Who pointed me in the direction of Lundy Bancroft`s book. "Why does he do that?"....and that changed the game. And I began to understand IT WAS NOT ME.

But never...at any point.....did anyone ever offer me counselling/therapy.

I hope you get something out of it Rosemary. But already you score maximum points for getting referred. 

Ooooh. I`ve gone on a bit there.

Again.

[alatariel]

Remind us before you go in, Rosemary, maybe somebody else here can think of a way to explain NPD and its effects so that they take you seriously, w/o you having to use the term "personality disorder".

[Rosemary]

Thankyou Jenny wren yes i sps i did well to get to the therapy list even ,ive been waiting about 5 weeks  !!! and i was suicidal    Should have been seen by someone same day really .
Im feeling a lot better after meds doctor gave me and  joining this incredible forum and ?won  website  ,the people here have helped me enormously and calmed me down somewhat  ,i was soooooo bloody angry i can tell you im a fire sign and am usually laid back and easy going  but i just erupted .It helped doing the xmas shopping in a bad rage  i did it super quick .          
Yes Altariel im going Tuesday at 1pm uk time  emotional abuse is a good one  ,/personality disorder would be better ,but i know the look     i would get if i said  that .I could be wrong will have to suss her out ,maybe shes changed since last time i saw her ,hope so!!!

[JennyWren]

5 weeks????!!!! When you were feeling suicidal???!!!!!    What an enormous help THAT must have been. You brave and resourceful lady to have pulled yourself through to now.

Well that`s NHS waiting time targets for you. You poor thing.  I do hope you get something positive from your session.

I personally feel that N-ish weird behaviour can be very isolating...because when you try and talk to "normal" people innocent in the ways of Narcissistic morons...they think YOU are the disordered paranoid one. Places like WoN where incredibly helpful and supportive because similar experiences are described on a daily....hourly...minutely basis   and that helps such a lot...well it has for me...because I can read posts from all around the world that mirror my life....my experience....my feelings EXACTLY.

When people hear and understand us...it means everything. Particularly as while partnered to Ns we are accustomed to NEVER being heard or understood by our most intimate partner.

[Rosemary]

Yes Jenny you are right you feel very isolated from everyone and also everyone elses thinking  .

My youngest son was home from Wales at the time  for a week as hes at university doing teacher training at schools
and it was halfterm  so i was lucky he was here for support .
my daughter also took me in hand and helped me with bringing baby around and getting me out and about etc .

few weeks later she accompanied me to solicitors for support that was good ,then the xmas shopping madness took my mind off it .If i hadnt got into the angry mode i dont think i would be here .Im stillin angry mode ,its the best way for me to cope .    

[alatariel]

Rosemary, I'm so glad your kids were able to help you through it.  Family is the best medicine. 

[Rosemary]

sure is the best medicine Altariel ,my kids anyway all 3of em ,my own parents are dead but they would have been useless  Foo family ,and his mother is a complete N