should I bother replying to this?

[alatariel]

I got a txt from the troll's 17-yr-old daughter that reads:

I know you probably don't want me to text you, but we're having a 40th b'day party at (friend's house) for my mom on the 17th and I didn't know if you wanted to come or not.  It's a surprise party though.


I don't have any quarrel with her daughter, but I have no way of knowing if the troll pushed her to do this, or even sent it from her daughter's phone herself.  I wouldn't put either of those things past her.

Should I even bother replying, or just delete and ignore?

[Rosemary]

myself i would ignore it as you say it could be the troll !!or the troll  could be at the party and cause you trouble

its just not worth it is it ,but thats just my opinion ,i dont know the girl       

[Legs]

I don't know anything about texting. Can you block any numbers that you don't want to receive messages from? Imagine what might happen if you actually went or even acknowledged that you gt the message. I don't see any good coming from that. I know that all of us would seriously like to know some things about the N and their life after us, but even if someone told you, it might just be another big fat lie or some weird interpretation...we are never going to understand why anyone does the things they do and certainly not the N and N's satellites.


Now that I am a year and a half away from talking to the N or any of his "friends" or family, I don't ever want to talk to any of them again. They are obviously greatly influenced by the N and what they want and get from the N. I just see any contact being a good thing. I can see how you have to if you share a kid or are involved in a divorce, appeal, some smear campaign, etc....but if you're NOT involved with them, then I say CELEBRATE!!!!!!!!!!!


Just enjoy the fact that SOMEONE is trying to find out how you feel about something...don't give them the pleasure of your reply


Bossypants Legs

[alatariel]

oh, dear gravy, NO I'm not going to the party!    I just wondered if it was mean not to reply to her daughter's text saying "thanks, but no thanks" or something like that.

I guess I won't reply, b/c, again, there's no way to know for sure if it's not a lie coming from the troll herself, or maybe she's fishing to see if there's a chink in my armor.

[MoreMyself]

I wouldn't reply.  Two possibilities for this invite.  Firstly the troll put her up to it.  Secondly she's innocent of the problems or thinks you might be over it and is inviting you and everybody else who was/is in the troll's life.  Either way it's best to just ignore it because if the troll put her up to it, then you can short-circuit this attempt.  And if she's just inviting everyone or anyone, her feelings won't be hurt if people don't text back.  If it was really a personal request she would have called you and spoken to you directly. 

[HealingDaughter]

Ignore, Ignore, Ignore. Anything you respond with is engaging the N. Believe me, ANY response at all and they will see victory that they actually got you to respond. It's a game to them.

[pearlsb4swine]

It's a little strange for her daughter to say you probably won't want her to text you, isn't it?  You never had any argument with the daughter, right? 

Maybe the daughter herself is using this party as a way to get some closure for herself?  Maybe she misses you?  And maybe her mother will not give her any explanation as to why you have disappeared from their lives.  Maybe she knows perfectly well you probably won't come, but wants to hear what you'll say?

Maybe you could just text her back and say, thanks for the invite, but your Mom and I are not friends any more, so it would not be appropriate for me to come to the party?  Thanks anyway?

It could be opening up a can of worms.  But I would probably err on the side of being honest and treating the invitation with some respect.  She is the daughter of an N.  She can probably use all the examples of honesty, respect and kindness she can get.

Pearls

[RB22]

She can probably use all the examples of honesty, respect and kindness she can get.

That would be what I would do, set an example for the kid. I am sure she could use a few, having an N for a mom is difficult.

[alatariel]

Maybe the daughter herself is using this party as a way to get some closure for herself?  Maybe she misses you?  And maybe her mother will not give her any explanation as to why you have disappeared from their lives.  Maybe she knows perfectly well you probably won't come, but wants to hear what you'll say?

Ugh.  I'm so torn.  That's exactly how I feel about the kid, that me kicking her mother out of my life has nothing to do with the kid, and as the daughter of an N, she has problems aplenty to deal with, w/o me being mean to her, too.

I just wish there was some way I could know for sure if the text actually came from the daughter and was actually her idea.  It has the daughter's phone # on it, but that doesn't mean the troll didn't use her phone to send it, or put her up to it.

If it was really a personal request she would have called you and spoken to you directly. 

As for calling me, teenagers today don't use phones to make phone calls, they text everybody.  She doesn't even call her own friends, they all just text to each other.    Yeah, it sounds weird to anyone over 20, but it's just the way they do things.

*sigh*  I guess the safest bet is to ignore it.  If I hurt the daughter, well, I'm sure other ppl in her life have walked away b/c of her mom-the-N, and I'm sure more ppl will do it, too.  It sucks, but I can't let it be my problem.

[alatariel]

B/c I'm a nice person, who genuinely likes kids, especially kids I spent 3 years basically co-parenting,  I want to reply to this text.  I want to assume it is genuinely from the troll's daughter, who is genuinely trying to make peace or something by inviting me. 

B/c I refuse to ever be a stupid, ignorant doormat ever again, I will automatically believe the troll was actually behind the message somehow, and delete it w/o replying.

See?  I can learn from my mistakes and change my behavior!  I'm not an N!  Really, I'm different!

[JennyWren]

Not very helpful Alatariel...and I don`t want to add to your angst....but my instinct was just to respond politely to the daughter...explaining briefly why you would not come to the party. Just because of the possibility (which I think is likely) that this girl is entirely unaware of the way things are.

....then I read the responses saying "No....no reply...no, no, no"...and I remembered that I am very easily duped by Ns. Of course you DO NOT want to stir up a hornet`s nest...or Troll`s nest in this case.

I can`t help thinking that it is the right thing to reply to the text...and that Ns make us behave against our instincts...then criticise us for being rude or whatever.

Honestly....you just end up between a rock and a hard place with these losers.

[alatariel]

After 2 days of ridiculous agonizing over a stupid text message, I just gave in to my nature and replied.  It seems to me like part of getting away from the N for good is reclaiming my right to act like ME.  I am the sort of person who is polite and kind, especially to kids, so I acted like that person.   Too freaking bad if the message actually came from the troll herself, all I said was, "thanks for thinking of me, but I don't think that's a good idea".  Plain and simple and polite.  I'm responsible for what I do, not what she does about it.

[JennyWren]

I`m really glad you replied Alatariel. I`m glad because you did what felt right for you....and didn`t let thoughts of the stupid Troll`s possible gaming stop you being who you are....and responding to whatever message how YOU feel comfortable.

She is a slimeball...and to just be so confident as to do your own thing is a real step to reclaiming your own life...and giving no control to Troll. 

She matters NOT A JOT. You be you. You are worth a hundred thousand Trolls. 

[alatariel]

So, to update, I got a reply to my txt.  It said, "well, ok, if that's what you want to do."


So I'm scratching my head, b/c to me that doesn't sound like a 17-yr-old, that sounds like the troll, herself.  Maybe the kid simply parrots her mother's way of responding and I never noticed it before?  Or maybe it was actually the troll, either writing the txt or telling the daughter what to say.

Regardless, I acted in a way that let's me be comfortable in my own skin, for a change.  What they do with or about it, isn't my problem.

[nutella]

So, to update, I got a reply to my txt.  It said, "well, ok, if that's what you want to do."


So I'm scratching my head, b/c to me that doesn't sound like a 17-yr-old, that sounds like the troll, herself.  Maybe the kid simply parrots her mother's way of responding and I never noticed it before?  Or maybe it was actually the troll, either writing the txt or telling the daughter what to say.

Regardless, I acted in a way that let's me be comfortable in my own skin, for a change.  What they do with or about it, isn't my problem.

  You were punked.  I think it is inappropriate for a child to be making invitations for others.  The onus for invitations falls on the host.  Is the party at the 17 year old's House?   If not, this is another example of obnoxious N trolling and manipulation. 

My 15 yr old son used to do stuff like this, and it was almost always N instigated.  I could tell by the sound of his voice.  And yes I understand that everyone txts and it is normal, but that is out of my repertoire when dealing with any N related communications for this very reason. 

Anyway, my response to my son was, that is not something I deal with you about,  or that is up to your mother to contact me about, etc. 

17 year olds are typically not that abstract with their communications.  "I know you probably don't want me to text you,"

Adolescents are very egocentric in their speech.  If she would have said something like:

OK, but that's just stupid
OK, but I just don't get you and___________
Ok, I was just offering
OK, but I don't get why not
OK,  but why not
Ok, that's what I thought you would say. 
OK

That's how adolescents and teens relate. 

Do you know the friend"s guardians?  They should have invited you at her request.  Surprise party is suspicious also.  You say yes, then it's cancelled or some drama unfolds, yet you cannot "talk" about the "surprise".   

[alatariel]

Well, I still have a couple of the troll's friends as my FB friends, they're adults and they could have sent me a msg to invite me, b/c I'm sure they'd be going to a "surprise party" at the other friend's house.

So, yeah, the whole thing stinks like the troll offal it is.

Anyways, I still did what I needed to do, for my own sake.  Courtesy is never wrong, no matter what a piece of trash the recipient is.

[alatariel]

Oh, my aching nerves, she sent "us" what appears to be a xmas card.    I think I'll throw it away unopened.

N's never give up, do they?  I thought for sure she would have found herself a new supply by now, or maybe she did and is hoping to rub my nose in it.

Either way, I have no interest in her "xmas wishes", whatever they may be. 

[kindheart]

hi alatariel, i'm sorry you went through this turmoil,the reply was definitely from troll.  all you can do is dust yourself off and thank heavens she's no longer part of your life. You were caught between a rock and a hard place whether you ignored it or replied to it.

[JennyWren]

Yeah...but S*D THE TROLL! Who gives a stuff what the old trout thinks. Let her play her games...and just don`t give her another thought. She is not worth the neurotransmitter usage. In fact...she should be billed for wasting brain time generally. Including unnecessary use of synapses.

You felt icky about not replying to the text....so you scored a huge personal victory by doing what YOU wanted regardless of what Troll-brain thought. Remember Alaterial, when thinking of the bridge-lurking hairy monster....."You have no power of me". So s*d off.

[alatariel]

I just realized yesterday, this whole scheme is pretty true to form for her.  It's all about HER.  She invites (or has her daughter invite) me to HER supposed party for HER birthday.  She sends me a xmas card to show me how SHE supposedly still wishes me well.  There's not a damn thing in there about me, or possible responsibility on her part, or acknowledgment that something might be wrong and need to be addressed. She figures we can just pick up and move on like nothing ever happened, b/c SHE has rewritten history in her mind.

If I were in her position, and felt the need to contact someone who had made it VERY clear that they didn't want contact;  I certainly wouldn't try to invite them to MY party.  I'd ask them to meet me somewhere neutral for coffee, acknowledge that we had things to discuss, and admit that I had faults.

[MoreMyself]

I just realized yesterday, this whole scheme is pretty true to form for her.  It's all about HER.  She invites (or has her daughter invite) me to HER supposed party for HER birthday.  She sends me a xmas card to show me how SHE supposedly still wishes me well.  There's not a damn thing in there about me, or possible responsibility on her part, or acknowledgment that something might be wrong and need to be addressed. She figures we can just pick up and move on like nothing ever happened, b/c SHE has rewritten history in her mind.

If I were in her position, and felt the need to contact someone who had made it VERY clear that they didn't want contact;  I certainly wouldn't try to invite them to MY party.  I'd ask them to meet me somewhere neutral for coffee, acknowledge that we had things to discuss, and admit that I had faults.

So true.  It's frustrating and confounding and crazy-making.  The Hobbit even admitted he rewrote history, without meaning to admit it of course.  In the first year of marriage the Hobbit was physically abusive.  In fact, on our honeymoon I said something he didn't like and we were walking up some stairs at at information centre.  He kicked me from behind.  I was more emotionally hurt than physically hurt, but he just laughed about it.  It was impossible to have a dialogue with him to deal with it because he just shrugged it off.  During our divorce when he was claiming to have been a great husband I brought this up.  He remembered it.  Apparently when he went to his second (and last) counselling session it was discussed because he informed me that the counsellor had said that it must have been dealt with because it happened so long ago.  I'm sure that what the counsellor did was ask if we had dealt with it, talked about it and worked through it.  And the Hobbit probably said we had.  He rewrote history and then not only insulted my intelligence by doing so, but pointed the blame at me for not letting go of the hurt that I had felt when my husband of less than a week had kicked me in front of a group of people on our honeymoon. Then refused to acknowledge that he had caused me pain and embarrassment.

You get double the hurt and pain from an N - the first time when they do something and then later when as you say they rewrite the history and lay the blame on you. It feels unfair because it is unfair.

[alatariel]

gosh darn it!  I missed the troll's party.  Darn me and my selfish ways, I was far more concerned with being home for my son so he could have his friends over to celebrate HIS birthday.  Oh, and don't forget that it's all about ME preserving what's left of my sanity.  I'm just like that, ya' know, no consideration for others.  I really should have run right over there, with a big ol' present in hand for the troll, since it's her big 40.  Tis' the season of forgiveness and all that, ya' know.  She never mistreated me, I made it all up b/c I'm such a weirdo.  After all, she was so wonderful to me when I turned 40, giving me an actual t-shirt and everything!  And don't forget arguing with my other 2 friends about what constituted her share of the bill for dinner, since they split the tab amongst them.  Oh, and dropping me off at home, alone, when I really wanted to have a few drinks and hang out. (she refused to do that, b/c she was "saving her drinking for her friend's New Year's Eve party", to which I wasn't invited)

 

My son had exactly the "party" he wanted, and I was happy to let him do it, and be able to concentrate on him and his fun, rather than dealing with troll like I did the last 3 years.

[Rosemary]

Alatariel  ,im  glad   your  son  had a  lovely party and all enjoyed themselves  much better than the trolls     

[Legs]

Ala~~~~~~~~~ you selfish Beeyotch! Troll gave you the perfect opportunity to come begging and you farked it all UP! How inconsiderate! Why, if you aren't verra verra careful, she won't be giving you more than a dozen or so chances to come crawling back so she can kick you in the teeth.

What someone else just said about you............what with all the beautiful sewing and beautiful color combos and soup making and you are extremely articulate and clever and I think that probably NONE of us really give ourselves credit for what we are and what we do and what we CAN do. This is bragging and I don't GAF, but sometimes I sit back in utter amazement at what my hands have done....the utter perfection and darlingness of it all. And I have manners dammit though it may not seem like it on this board. And I buy sequined red shoes and wrap them in beautiful iridescent celophane (well, how DO you spell that then?) and curly ribbons for the Shoes For Kids project at my complex...and I used to be a GOOD PERSON before I turned into pure evilness. I think I was infected by Lucifer.


Anyway, not to make it all about me as I ALWAYS do, but what I meant to say was I read this board almost every day and have for almost a year, and there are a whole crapload of clever people posting here and that has to be why the N's zeroed in on us...we were social and amusing and talented and hard working and smart and probably good cooks and great gardeners and Dog knows what else....they only want the best for themselves and that's why they wanted us and made us think THEY were the best too, only they weren't. They were the very worst. But all of us were used to looking for the good in people and making excuses for bad behavior and trying to understand what could make someone do the things they do...........SO~~~~~|


I'm just sayin'. let's all cut ourselves some slack and realize our wonderfulness and try nt and be so amazed at our own patience and kindness towards the Frankenstein monsters with the angel masks.


Legs

[JennyWren]

"...and I used to be a GOOD PERSON before I turned into pure evilness. I think I was infected by Lucifer. " - Legs

Oi you....Legs...listen up!! I keep reading your posts about how you`re so evil and whatnot. It`s b*llocks. You may feel that way...because you are pursuing that vile scum in a vaguely human form Lucifer in a way that you would NEVER have imagined yourself doing. And why?.....because frankly he behaved in a way that nobody sane would EVER imagine anyone even halfway decent to behave.

You have been faced with evil with unnaturally vertical hair and amusingly large nose...and you have chosen to avenge yourself. You have not sought out an innocent soul and tortured it...you have shone a light on a revolting little pervert. So the world sees him as he truly is. Sure...you would quite like to build him some concrete boots and push him off the Grand Canyon.....but what you have ACTUALLY done is not evil...or even mean. It is justice.

What I see when I read here is Legs the Absolute Legend. Bitingly witty....and whose passionate loathing of all things N shows me you are the VERY OPPOSITE of evil. You stand with the good guys...and you despise the hurtful stinking behaviour of the Ns. You support and rally around everyone who is suffering their very own personal N hell here with such boundless empathy it is breathtaking. You are angry at nasty nasty people. How does that make you evil?

Legs....you`re just saying outright what most of us are thinking. And you have had the courage to do something specific about Lucifer. You are nothing but a Superhero from where I`m sitting. With gorgeous long legs. Lucifer picked on the WRONG CHICK. He has met his match....and the opposing force to a Lucifer is an  So there.