What are your goals for therapy?

[Rosemary]

I couldnt get along with my therapist .
I asked the doctor not to send me to that one ,as ive had her before and we didnt get on at all .
Low and behold it was the same woman doing an assesment on me .She said i didnt need to see anyone after about 30 mins chat ,after another 30 mins chat oh suddenly i had to have a 2nd assesment ,and see someone long term one to one was her opinion .

This was she said i had put up barriers in the first half of the meeting (this was because i dont like her ).

so i told her id asked not to be reffered to her actually  !!!!.

she asked me why ?so i told her i felt worse last time 9 years ago this was when having trouble with NH

she said "that was because i wanted to talk about you !!!and you wanted to talk about your NH "?????
well blow me down it was he that was causing my problems so of course i would want to mention  him  .

Its like the Ns are just not talked about with some therapists dont mention the NNNNN,

People who have got a good therapist who understands about cluster B s and Ns especially are very lucky i think here in England .

[Julia]

Imogene, I have had therapy several different times in my life. To sum it up, I was usually searching for an understanding of what was "normal" or "acceptable mental health", and how well (or not) my thoughts/actions fit that norm. I wanted ideas on how I could tweak my perspective to be more comfortable in my own skin while being reassured that my skin was acceptable  skin - normal skin, or use the therapy to grow in that direction. Am I an introvert with some post traumatic stress who needs to live a quiet life?......or am I being an off-putting negative recluse? That kind of exaggerates the point, but it is the kind of thing I think about. If the therapist could either reassure me that I am honoring my true self and my unique needs, or else work with me to get  my needs and values, my "mission statement" to a mentally healthy or at least acceptable place, then I can feel healthy and proactive about my lifestyle. If not, then I want to change now rather than looking back at age 70 and thinking, what have I done?

I relate well to how you describe yourself; I self-identify in many of the same ways, but not exactly like you of course. At any rate, close friends tell me I seemed standoffish or even cold when they first met me, my therapists have said that I push them away without realizing it; I have been called regal or intimidating. From a very young age I rejected many societal norms such as liking celebrities..... I also tend to be perfectly happy with a lot of alone time so long as I know that there will be some social time each week. I spent  lot of my childhood in the woods behind my house escaping my father (and the woods are very cold, wet and dark in Oregon), so it is pretty obvious that some of my "separateness" developed as  coping mechanism; but when I wasn't in the woods, I was getting myself invited over for extended 3 night sleepovers with friends to escape my Ndad and my aggressive brother.  I am with you in thinking that we do not all need to be warm fuzzy extroverts; perhaps those people are blessed, but the rest of us do not need to feel like failures. I think Jenny is right, I want to feel comfortable in my own skin. I add that I need to look pretty closely at that skin and maybe stitch up a few of the wounds also.

I still always tend to wonder if I am acting out of my personality, or my experiences. Yes, our experiences shape us, and that is normal...but I also notice that when I DO step out of my comfort zone and act more social, more open, that it sometimes feels like I am looking through a window into a better way of life for me. Sure, sometimes I just end up feeling intimidated and uncomfortable, wishing I hadn't. But there are a lot of times where even that negative reaction feels like it is more a lack of practice than the wrong kind of behavior for me.

 I am considering returning to therapy, because I really finally AM at the point where I no longer want to talk about whether or not the XN is a jerk. It took 6 years, but I got there. Just saying.... that one year or two years after the separation is too soon to move on from spending a lot of therapy time just unraveling the denial and uncovering the emotional abuse. IMO, it takes years to get enough validation to be able to support deeper introspection after a lifetime of psychological abuse or neglect. If we try to do that work too soon we end up all too easily hectoring ourselves with the same negative abuse that was heaped on us for years, we are just not detached enough and aware of it to be so self-aware let alone self-critical.

Julia

[Imogene]

Thanks for that, Julia.

I have not written a response because I carry so much shame with me; it sometimes feels as though the unraveling process could last a lifetime.  I am angry at my therapist right now for pushing me and for making it seem like an unworthy thing to discuss my reactions to other people (but especially X) in therapy.  She thinks I am avoiding self-examination in an interpersonal context, and she is right--yet when she tries to push the modality she wants on me, she clumsily uses money as the issue, when she herself failed to let me know she was not longer going to be on my insurance.  Given my personal history, I cannot do anything BUT look for reasons to distrust people.  And it's not that I think she did this to create mistrust.  I'm angry because I need her to be so careful that I don't see her personality.  Then I wonder if I'm being narcissistic, requiring perfect mirroring from my therapist.  But it's more like I want her to remain in the intellectual realm, pointing out things that I can use on the outside.

This is neither here nor there.  I just want to feel okay being where I am.  I feel so pathologized by this relationship--which I don't fully comprehend the dynamics of yet--and by my own reclusiveness and lack of desire to be out in the world.

I was going to write more, but this is a tough subject for me to slog through.  Again, I appreciate your willingness to share your perspective with me.

[Legs]

don't forget the "five things therapy won't cure" (personally, I can think of five more things easy as pie

1. Your Personality.
2. Your Childhood.
3. Half a Relationship.
4. A Broken Heart.
5. Losing Someone.


Here are my five other things:


1. Being freakishly tall
2. Having big boobs. (being too fat, having freckles, anything that makes you look like a parade float)

3. Being too smart.
4. Unable to resist making rude jokes.
5. Being too smart.




Legs, who never even had any goal for therapy...were we supposed to have goals????

[Liftedup]

don't forget the "five things therapy won't cure" (personally, I can think of five more things easy as pie

1. Your Personality.
2. Your Childhood.
3. Half a Relationship.
4. A Broken Heart.
5. Losing Someone.


Here are my five other things:


1. Being freakishly tall
2. Having big boobs. (being too fat, having freckles, anything that makes you look like a parade float)

3. Being too smart.
4. Unable to resist making rude jokes.
5. Being too smart.




Legs, who never even had any goal for therapy...were we supposed to have goals????

LOL liked that one.

I wonder about the concept of GOALS in society.

Sometimes I think GOALs is kind of a Middle class and upper precept set upon us all.

if there is no cash or body to "GET THINGS DONE" TM

how's it going to happen.

I think what do I want....better way to have it happen, and people are happier if you don't make it like you have control over everything which we do not.

I want more friends. I want to get to higher place of functioning.

Of course part of me thinks my best bet is dropping out of this society in some capacity, a Christian community, or something. If I wasn't so ill, Id sell everything off and say to heck with it all.

I am tired of being put down, and part of me thinks strength lies in saying Kiss my butt people, I did my best now leave me alone.

I do not want to live life defending myself anymore. I almost have died several times from health problems. People do not know what I went through or how it feels to lose hearing, or not be able to breathe. I also am learning to go by my rule, asking ARE THEY KIND, if they are NOT, WALK.

Some middle class therapist expecting me to check off a list of DO THESE THINGS TO BE "GOOD" some of which I do not have the CASH or physical capabilities to manage, is going to be fighting a losing battle.