I look at friendship this way. We start out entertaining each other in a way. Doing things together, talking chit-chat, forming a bond with each other. Then things change. The relationship starts making demands on one another like asking for favors or help. The demands of 'intimacy' is how I see it and some people can't achieve this level of connection. So they do or say things that keep the other person at a distance.
I think we 'grow up' with every relationship we have and sometimes it's not mutual.
Even making a friend is a risk because you cannot predict in advance, who can mature with you and who can't. I usually seek intimacy from my friendships by rendering myself vulnerable in some way. It's a risk and sometimes people choose to 'blackmail' or 'gossip' about you, they may even see you as "less than them" because of your disclosure.
You tried 'disclosing' with your friend and it backfired. She couldn't offer emotional support and left your house in an angry huff. Now she has a photo she keeps of you for whenever your 'positive changes' threaten her, or make her feel inferior because she IS NOT struggling with her behavior.
I can't get over the 'blackmail' comment NOR the fact that she showed that picture at the lunch table! Whether she knew what she was doing or not, she was trying to put you down so she looked better. That was NOT a normal thing to do, not at all. I can't even imagine it---nor even having the THOUGHT. And I certainly can't imagine keeping a picture of a friend if it made my friend uncomfortable.
P.S. I also had a thought about that PICTURE of you. The fact that she even took it and kept it as 'blackmail', tells you she views your relationship as a power struggle. I don't think most people even think about 'power' in context of friendship.
CZ
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