How long can you go before your N invades your thoughts?

[daisyk9292]

The next car. The next house. The new TV. The new girlfriend.....but it never makes him happy. And it never will. And that will always be somebody else`s fault.

Chronic dissatisfaction. Mama likey!!!  What a horrid way to live.

As far as what they can feel and can't feel, I just want them to feel PAIN. A LOT OF PAIN!!!!!

[RB22]

From the way he behaved, the conclusion I have come to is that he consciously believed he was superior to other people but tried to hide it because he knew it was not socially acceptable.  I think a lot of the preposterous stuff he said was because he was trying to hide his real motives and beliefs from me.  He would make these ridiculous arguments because he knew it would not go over very well for him to come out and say, "We will do it my way because what I want is more important than what you want."  Back then I thought he was suffering from emotional problems or something.  Now I think a lot of his supposed distress was feigned.  It's the only thing that makes sense.

Above is exactly how I feel about X.  I think N's just come in a variety of flavors -  along the continuun of degrees of N.  My Nmom is a different flavor than my XNH.  She comes from a place of fear.... and fear is her driving force. It is all about her... and her fear of loosing or not having control.

So pick a flavor.

[Dandelion]

Hmmm...I can't really let go - it's been three months and the press is all over it again and again "The blog that killed her father". But I am getting to a point where I can hang on to "this is a cause and that's what's important" much more than "I am the daughter of a narcissist".
Today a newspaper is writing about me and more than implies that I am the N and I think "Well, if I am, then the abuse and neglect is even worse, because it made me mentally ill"
I do get scared and sad - because writing like this repeats the abuse. I don't want anyone out there to feel that they were wrong about what they experienced in their childhood - I really hope they are able to cling to their truth!

Before he died, I had 6 years of peace and for the last 3-4 years I had long periods where I didn't think about him - for months at a time. And I will again...I'm sure

Mette

[JennyWren]

((((Mette))))  I can only begin to imagine how awful it must be to read such hurtful words. Such ignorance presented as fact.

You know the honest truth. And I am only glad that you sound so strong in it.

With all that you have to vex you right now, you don`t journalists making a story. My heart goes out to you.

I am glad. however, that you HAD managed to distance your thoughts from your Nfather in the last years. And I know you will regain that peace.

[pearlsb4swine]

wow, Mette, how awful for you to have to read that newspaper story.  I would wonder what like of person that journalist is.  Someone with some serious issues of their own, probably.    I think you are dealing very well with an awful situation. 

 

Pearls

[alatariel]

Oh, Dandelion, I'm sorry you're dealing with the press. 

[Dandelion]

Ala - I chose to do it. When they called me on the morning after my fathers death, I chose to be authentic instead of loyal.

One thing my father taught me (thank you, Dad) was to deal with the press, so I am very clear on not reacting to anything, but holding on to my case: That emotional incest and psychic abuse is NOT ok.
It helps me to focus on what I want - to create a debate in society about it and transmit the feeling to all abused adult children, that they can trust their guts even though they were not beaten nor sexually abused. Newspapers are like a watermill - one papers story fuels the next papers story and luckily they are starting to focus on the case more than me or my father

Sorry for derailing the thread. It's a very important topic for me as well, since we have been invaded by the N's - as long as we think about them instead of living our lives, they rule us still =(

[alatariel]

I can't imagine what it would be like having the media thrust my N in my face.  It's bad enough to have to deal with my own "fleas", but to have someone else, who really has nothing to do with my life, bring up the N's would be awful to the Nth degree.

[daisyk9292]

Sorry for derailing the thread. It's a very important topic for me as well, since we have been invaded by the N's - as long as we think about them instead of living our lives, they rule us still =(

Isn't that the painful truth? 

[JennyWren]

....and Ns know just how to keep themselves their in that position of influence. They always keep their profile up JUST high enough to keep them popping uninvited back into your head.

It isn`t just a fight with yourself to move away from the habit and comfort and need to ruminate on the N...they actively drag you back by your ankles given any opportunity whatsoever.