What are the chances of THAT?

[JennyWren]

Stuck as I am in the UK Jobcentre system....which is primarily focused on making you feel like a nuisance....and ignorant.....and their plaything to stomp on as they wish.....I went today for my fortnightly personal belittling session...where my allocated "Lone Parent Adviser" (How patronising can they get????) looks down her nose at me while trying to think of ways to waste my time and stop me pursuing any job I would actually be good at in favour of applying for Things on Her Screen.

Really....I don`t know how long it takes them every morning whizzing all THEIR wheely office chairs round and round to maximum height....and all the poor jobless folks chairs so low they are practically below the Earth`s crust. Talk about exerting their power. I am surprised they aren`t all issued with machine guns....or poison darts at the very least. They are so aggressive.

Anyhow....so I sit down in my lowly chair of interrogation....and it doesn`t escape my notice that a halogen light bulb in the ceiling just happens to be directed right into my eyes...so I am ready for the full waterboarding experience.....and the Dreaded Job Centre Screen is powered up to display all the no jobs advertised this week....a sinister smile spreads across the face of my vengeful foe....

"Ah...here is an excellent job which you must apply for" announces the smirking hag. She prints it out and hands it to me. Within 5 seconds I have spat my own trachea across the room in a spontaneous outburst of disbelief. The One Job the old trout has decreed I must apply for...the One and Only....is a job managing the files and database for BIGBIRD`S LAWYER.

                                                        

As I struggle to regain some decree of composure, I explain....in words of one syllable to the triumphant Job Centre Jack-booted Moron...that it might be a tiny bit unethical to hire the ex-wife of your client who is threatening to go to Court next over his moonstruck crazed-person belief that I have alienated his kids....to organise your filing system.

She didn`t think so. She...in her mighty wisdom said "Well...just don`t tell them who you are!" 

I did stop short of banging my head on the table and pulling myself up by my own ears. If BigBird got wind of me even applying to be his precious Child Abduction Specialist Lawyer`s assistant....oh.....he wouldn`t be able to put on his paranoid hat fast enough. He would go absolutely stark raving mental. Seriously.

Now....sure....axe-wielding Job Centre woman doesn`t know THAT. She doesn`t know the manic consequences of poking the BigBird in his paranoid bone...and she is just wanting to tick all her putrid little boxes and reach her targets so she can win a set of steak knives...but surely to all that is not Job Centre-y she realises such an application is just a big fat waste of paper.

No. She does not.

Well...as irony goes...that one was a really corker.

Then I get home...and find my little funny postman dude has been hiding out with a LETTER I HAVE TO SIGN FOR. And..well....blow me down with an Atom Bomb if it isn`t BigBird thoughtfully sending me a copy of his stupid e-mail I posted here about all his deadlines and options and sh!t. He has sent it recorded mail so as he can prove I got it. Isn`t he kind!!!

Patience BigBird. Little Tosser that you are. Your reply will come...all two lines of it...at two minutes to Deadline o`clock.

[alatariel]

Jenny, my dearest Wren, why the hades aren't you blogging?  You are the funniest thing, EVAH!!!!! 

OK, now that I've wiped the tears from my eyes and thanked you for livening up my Friday after one of the hardest weeks I've ever had as a sub, I'll sympathize with you on the Job Centre situation.  It's pretty similar to dealing with the Unenjoyment Office here in NY.  But that is UN-freaking-believable that they don't think being bigbird's lawyer's assistant would be a conflict of interest.  Even if you had the best possible relationship with your X, that wouldn't be ethical. 

And, oh yeah, how very kind it was of him to make sure you received his ravings via certified mail.  Now we know for sure that he's certifiable. 

[Imogene]

Geez, what a small island, eh?  What next?  Perhaps BigBird himself will be advertising for a personal assistant.  Hey, you're qualified for that gig!  Just don't tell him who you are.

[daisyk9292]

JW - That is just CRAZY!!! Were you even just a little tempted to take that job offer? I would have been, just to stir up trouble, you know, the way N's do!!

I know you need a job NOW, but seriously, I think there's a good book inside of you and you'd make a killing.  Hell, we all could write oNe!! But you are very talented with words.

As far as Big Bird sending that certified letter, I have no other words than, DICK! 

That word just feels so good for me I simply can't stop myself.

[tango3]

Oh the joys of bureaucrazy  (should be a c and not a z but somehow the typo fits).

Forget a blog Jenny, just start writing books!  Oh and the reason why they set their chairs so high is to give them the illusion of intelligence.

[overwhelmed]

Oh my!  I'm unsure how your brain didn't bleed as she, ever so dumbly, told you to "just not tell them who you are."  She may have well said, "here, perfect job you can't really get, I don't worry about you getting one, my job is to hand you these."  hhhhmmmmmm.  So, by her suggestion, you should fake your last name while applying?  Who knows how you were to hide it and continue to hide it if you worked there.  Could you picture BB walking in for an appointment?  Not just him but you'd be fired, more than likely and back in the hags office before long.  Smart woman she is.

BB sending it certified    I'd have been tempted to tell the postman he had it wrong, that was to return to sender....things don't really leave sesame street do they?  Wow.  I hope you laugh as you picture him looking daily for your response.  Often, at least I know I can, react so quickly I don't realize it would "get to him more" if I were to make him wait....if I needed to respond at all. 

[Rosemary]

Oh REALLY dont tell them who you are ???    who are you supposed to be then ,  Maybe a NARC mask would come in
handy ,with that you could be anyone you like JENNY ,  What planet are they from  ,things get worse dont they      
As for the signed for delivery "hes Nuts "   
yes make him wait right to the deadline for the answer the one line answer HA HA       

[Never again]

That is absolutely hilarious!! And I think you should patent the label 'smirking hag'.

At least you got a laugh out of your job office trip, as did all of us.

I can't help thinking mad-gf is behind all BigBird's recent writing activities. It all just smacks to me of someone who believes the problems can be solved if they're only *presented* in the right way. Meanwhile BigBird is playing along with her earnest efforts to help and neglecting to enlighten her about the true content of the situation.

[daisyk9292]

I can't help thinking mad-gf is behind all BigBird's recent writing activities

I absolutely agree with Never again on that one!

 At some point, if it hasn't begun already, he is going to blame her for the girls wanting nothing to do with him. I'll just bet she "gets this" on some level so she's trying to fend that off. But we ALL know they blame EVERYBODY for EVERYTHING!   Oh yes, it's a comin her way, one of these fine days!

[JennyWren]

Well.....you most wise of women have used the power of the universe to...somewhat coincidentally...reveal something I had hitherto missed.

Attached to BigBird`s dull email (also available in hard copy form as signed for by me....who knows...next he may whip up a 3D animated companion movie and stage play with accompanying T-shirts and merchandise...he seems to think it is Soooooooo interesting  )....I notice a very dull attachment which frankly I didn`t even bother opening because their was a danger of me dropping off to sleep and falling out of an open window.

However....I had a little peeky out of curiosity. It is a patronising exert from a web page about Mediation. It`s enough to cure the worst kind of insomnia. In fact reading it is likely to result in never wanting to wake again. BUT....I spy with my little nosey parker eye....that the web page is from a Mediation organisation based in Queensland Australia.

Me smells a rat. Or a kangaroo. Or a mad gf. They all smell alike. 

Now adding in the fact that the e-mail contains NO spelling errors and no hysterical grammar bloopers...nor any peculiar usage of perfectly normal words.....I am pretty darn sure that our old friend MAD GF has been a busy girlie. In between fending off BigBird`s bits and bobs with an electric cattle prod.

Attachments from an Australian website suggest a definite mad gf involvement. And of course the poor old boot can only go on the claptrap she is being fed. I guess it gives them something to do when True Love has five minutes to spare.
I never really imagined True Love to be spitefully victimising someone you don`t even know hand in hand with a man so ugly he would scare meteorites away. But there we are. That is True Love.  And I am learning something new every day.

[Rosemary]

Talking about Mediation did you see the headlines today about fathers rights children to be granted new rights to a "full and continuing relationship with both parents "following seperation/divorce etc .
courts will be put under a duty to ensure that unless threir  welfare is threatened by staying in touch ,children have an equal right to a proper relationship with both .
more legal changes to childrens act  1989 :
ministers are pledging £10million for mediation services  !!!!!!

[JennyWren]

Oh **** and %&(* and !@** and ****ing $^*&

No I haven`t seen the news today...apart form the ghastly weather forecast. That will have buoyed BigBird up. Some silly bugger dressed up as Batman hanging from Buckingham Palace (remember that?) demanding Rights for Fathers and suddenly BigBird has a right to FORCE his kids to see him.

Well...older d is 16 in July....so she is pretty much off the hook.

Younger d has had a few things to say over the past weeks about her Ndad. She is usually much quieter on the subject....but she has told me she was always frightened of him. She always wanted him to just go away. And she wishes I had "Got rid" off him sooner.

She is 12...but she is taller than me...and scarily mature. If she doesn`t want to see him...it will take more than wild horses and Rohypnol to get her to go with him.

I hope BigBird dresses up as Batman and hangs off Buckingham Palace and falls off and gets eaten by the Corgis.

[Rosemary]

Its in the dailymail Jenny you may look at it online ??also a section on divorce inside pages .

[pearlsb4swine]

 

[MoreMyself]

Hmm, mediation in Queensland.  Perhaps you should agree to use the mediation service here provided BigBird pays all your travel expenses.  The beaches are nice right now. 

Seriously, that was a stupid thing to do,revealing that Aussie gf is researching for him.  It puts the advantage in your court, because sooner or later (prob sooner) she's going to get tired of trying to sort out his disordered relationships.  Ns become full time jobs if you allow them to.  It probably makes her feel wanted and important at the moment, but as we know, there comes a time when we realise that the support is a one-way highway and no traffic is coming in our direction.

As to the woman suggesting you not tell them who you were and go after the job, was she suggesting a name change and perhaps plastic surgery as well? 

[JennyWren]

I did amuse myself briefly this afternoon as I was ironing, imagining amusing disguises I could dress up in to attend an interview undercover in BigBird`s Lawyer`s Office.

I couldn`t decide between a clown outfit complete with spinning bow tie and hat with large flower in it.....and a pirate costume with a wooden leg. I thought those would probably be pretty subtle.

As for the dopey mad-gf so obviously scurrying about like an eager puppy to help poor sad BigBird....it makes sense I suppose. I have probably taken leave of my senses....but even though mad gf is quite quite mad.....and was very much out to make me as miserable as she could muster....I feel quite sad for her.

She has left her home country and her family to be with a man who never bought a moments peace or happiness to another human. She left her husband of 19 years....sold her dog.....dumped three foster kids,,,sold her house....lost a good few (hundred) stone....and ran to his waiting arms.

Quite quite potty.

Actually....no....I don`t feel sorry for her. She has left a trail of destruction probably bigger than BigBird`s. I feel sorry for her husband...and her foster kids...and her doggy.

[RB22]

Jenny,

Since you need money now not later... I vote for doing stand up comedy.  The pay is quicker.

You can do the comedy at night and the lawyer office during the day.  Then write the book...

You can't make this stuff up.  Real life with the N is oh so interesting all on it's own.

Hugs,

RB

[Legs]

she SOLD her dog???????????/ Why didn't the husband keep it, I wonder. At least she sold it and didn't have it killed, like lucifer.


Since the job centre told you to apply at BB's lawyer's office, I by all means would certainly do it. It might make a high-larious story! Screw the disguise.just walk in just like you are........


Thelma

[tango3]

Yeah Jenny I would apply for the job - after all the stupid Job Centre people told you you had to!!!!!  Please report back

[MoreMyself]

She left her husband of 19 years....sold her dog.....dumped three foster kids,,,sold her house....lost a good few (hundred) stone....and ran to his waiting arms.

I don't know why, but I had pictured the mad gf as a single professional woman who had been living in England, pining for her lost love and then when he appeared in her life she took him back.

This quite changes things.  She really is mad.  And although I had pictured BigBird as lower than a snake's belly, this puts him into a whole new category, for he has destroyed two marriages and harmed five children.  It's not okay to just dump foster children and run away.  I have to wonder how she ever got approved for fostering.  I can see why you feel sorry for her.  She'd going to eventually wake up to reality and it won't be a happy ending for her. 

I wonder about the Hobbit's relationship. He's passed the two year (honeymoon) period with gf and there are signs that cracks are appearing.  I know that he will be in a restless phase.  The two year mark after we got together was the first time he upended us and moved us across Canada to take another job.  I confess that I occasionally google him (my bad!).  He was active in a hiking club with gf and made several posts about how much he enjoyed it.  Hiking was her big thing as she dragged him along on a 3 month hiking trip last year, after which he ran away to Canada and left her for 4 months.  I noticed she posted that she was joining him over there and going hiking (however no mention of this from either my sons or on the hiking website when she returned).

He has dropped his account with the hiking club although she is still listed so obviously she's hiking on her own now.  The Hobbit did this with me as well.  When we met him I used to go biking on weekends with a group of friends.  He announced he was a bicycle enthusiast too and joined in - for a while.  Then after a year the bike got stuck away in the basement and he never got it out again.  His interests from that point on were beer, pizza and television. 

They always revert when they have captured their supply and are either getting bored with it or feel it is secure enough to be tested.  Poor mad gf indeed.   

[BlueSky]

That is too, too funny! 

A few years back, I was quite surprised to find that True Love included vilifying ex's.  I was quite shocked to find nw had been blogging about me - really hateful stuff and quite a few lies.  I talked to my mom who was a counselor for a time and she said it was common for couples to bond over hating their ex's and for them to get overly involved in fighting with ex's.  Not a good way to build a relationship, but it happens. 

After some more talk with my mom and thinking about it, I thought it very likely nw had been lied to.  ExN lied to me and I had a few hints that he had been lying to her.  I haven't seen exN in over 4 years, nw in over 6 years and I like that.  ds hasn't seen them in over 4 years.  All communication is via lawyers - expensive, but helpful.

I read your posts and I end up hoping that exN stays far away.  I am hoping BB will give up and go away too!

[JennyWren]

I don't know why, but I had pictured the mad gf as a single professional woman who had been living in England, pining for her lost love and then when he appeared in her life she took him back.

Sorry MoreMyself....I guess I have not rampaged about mad gf for a long while....so her utter fruit-loop-ness has gone under the radar.

Apologies for the rant I feel brewing beneath my fingertips.....here is a potted history of Mad gf....who is sadly entirely unpotted herself.

Most of my knowledge about her comes from the lying lips of the BigBird....but here is the gist....

Bigbird contacted mad-gf on Facebook in 2010.

They had been High School Sweethearts at an International School in Germany where their families were based at that time....aged 14 and 16 when she had had to return to Australia with her family

They never split up...they just had to stop going out...because of the slight geographical issue!

When I met BigBird she was sending him daily letters and cassette tapes of adoring love from Oz to the UK. She described the house they would live in...named heir children. It was fairly toe-curling.

BigBird told me that she recently reported that she had cried non-stop for weeks over him, such that her mother took her to the doctor.

So things were a little  even then.

HOWEVER....when BigBird popped up on Facebook trolling for supply....MLC in full swing...there she was. Still utterly obsessed.

To be fair to the yellow-feathered squawking one...it scared the sh!t out of him. He`d gone in for a little evolving flirt....and ended within days with her leaving her husband...with a suitcase packed...and a ticket to meet him in Singapore.

She told BigBird that she had told her husband of 19years that she had never loved him...and that in the heated exchanges that followed...he had beaten her...and raped her.

At the time I believed her story. I do not now. Though I am sure he was pretty bloody mad.

BigBird came to me to help him...because he had gotten out of his depth. At the time she was fishing to come over to the UK...and he asked if we could LOOK AFTER her since she was being abused!!!!!!!

So help me....I felt sorry for her. 

Then an email appeared from her husband to BigBird....and he asked for my help in replying. The husband is a big burly long-distance lorry driver. BigBird had a huge pile of bird poop in his pants.

The email was so terribly sad. It implored BigBird to consider the effects on his own daughters. It implored him to consider how revisiting the past was very often disappointing. It flagged up that mad gf had had treatment for psychological conditions which had included electro-therapy.

It was not the email of an incensed beating rapist. I helped BigBird respond. He told me he was finishing things with her...but that as she was clearly disturbed..he would let her down gently.

For weeks I was aware that he was still in contact. I kept saying to him that it was not kind to lead her on...and that a clean break would help her pick the pieces of her life up again.

Of course his sad little ego was puffing itself from her praise and obsession. Suddenly he refused to talk about her, saying he hadn`t heard from her and why didn`t I shut up obsessing about it!!!!!!!

Next thing I know...four months later...BigBird has hatched a plan to leave without implicating mad-gf. He wants to live by himself for six-nine months to decide if he loves me or not.

Diary says different. Diary says mad-gf is coming over for a trial period of two weeks in the following January.

Then BigBird`s pathetic plan starts to unravel. Non-N brother gets angry at him...and asks if their is another woman. BigBird denies it....but I am saying different. I get on really well with non-N brother and his wife and they offered their support and love.

THEN mad-gf gets beside herself and True Love can not wait til the coast is clear in January...she is coming in weeks...not months...in the preceding November. This is when she had sold her house, sold the dog etc.

Now BigBird is losing control. So what does he do...he tries to backtrack to where it is safe. He tries to secure his place as head of the BigBird family home.....by throwing things and yelling in my face.

He was squashed into a corner HE created...and it made him go wild.

So....after a while...I made him leave to get some thinking space. The mess was out of the box and unravelling fast. The rest is history.

So....THAT is why I refer to BigBird`s True Love as mad-gf. She is terribly disturbed. ASSUMING half what he told me is true.

However you look at it....it is a match made in a lunatic asylum. And I am their Public Enemy Number One. Not a position I am relishing to be sure. 

[BlueSky]

In my case, I think I'm the enemy because that helps the castle built on sand to remain standing.  It is easier for nw to believe exN is some poor abused soul and that I am the b*tch who abused him than to accept he is a selfish, lying and manipulative child.  That way, nw can enjoy "the love of my life" as she refers to him.

The level of anger and the amount of attacking directed at me on her blog for a time was astonishing.  When I complained about it to family, several went and read it and were quite floored. 

When exN decided to stop visitation, not only was an incredibly nasty letter sent to me and their lawyer, but it was  also sent to one of my son's Dr.'s who had given the Asperger's diagnosis.  (Maybe one last shot at trying to convince the Dr. I was the cause of my son's problems??  He didn't believe them the first time when they went in and spent an hour complaining about me.) 

They also said they sent out a letter to friends and family explaining why they were not seeing ds anymore - blamed me all over the place.  I asked my sil about it and she said she never saw the letter.  I do know many in his family have nothing to do with me or ds anymore.

For their world to work, I have to be this evil woman who alternately pushed exN to see his child and then switched that up with parental alienation, apparently I switched back and forth between those two extremes several times.  I was accused of constantly undermining their parenting and telling my son to break their rules.  (Which was ludicrous as I had no idea what their rules were.) 

I'd say most of the problems were due to a lack of communication.  But they were more interested in making sure they kept me out of their little world than in making it easier for ds to go between households.  Communicating about their house rules, etc. would somehow let me in their world.  ExN mentioned once to one of ds's Dr.'s that he couldn't communicate and work with me because it caused problems in his relationship with nw.  I think nw was very insecure and somehow feared me.  Could possibly explain her attacks on me?

They both look like nutcases to me, though I have to admit neither has had electro-shock therapy!   I do wonder how much of what nw does is based on exN's lies.  I think she has some nuttiness of her own.

Over the years, I've tried to stop being so upset over what they've said about me online and to other people....it's been tough.  It has really hurt. 

It's helped to realize that they need me to be the scapegoat for things to function in their relationship.  It's quite sick.  They cannot accept any responsibility for things falling apart with visitation.  As far as I can see, exN found someone who is also very interested in creating a facade of perfection.

Anyway, elements of your story resonate with me.  The whole thing of BB not having a relationship with his girls and that being your fault - and the mad-gf getting herself heavily involved in all of it.

I really do like the idea of giving him a one-line answer just before his deadline.

[Imogene]

Just catching up on this thread.  Oh, GEEZ.  You mean this is in the news over there (fathers' rights)?  NO WONDER he's been giving you the bird.  I bet you a million pounds (much better than our worthless money) that his lawyer told him about the pledge to commit extra money to mediation and THAT'S why he sent you the article.  It's the perfect storm, where narcissistic injury meets legal justification.

[JennyWren]

It's helped to realize that they need me to be the scapegoat for things to function in their relationship.  It's quite sick.  They cannot accept any responsibility for things falling apart with visitation.  As far as I can see, exN found someone who is also very interested in creating a facade of perfection.

....And that`s it entirely. Same as BigBird and mad gf. For their fantasy made-up world to make sense....you must play the role of Wicked Witch. Then exN NEVER has to acknowledge who he truly is......and NW can "Keep believing". You are right...it is sick...in the right and proper sense of the word.

Yet....when the rumours and accusations fly from their desperate mouths...they may be total fabrication...and we may know full well what a pile of poop they are....but they still do hurt. It is very very personal.

So BlueSky, I am really so sad to hear the rubbish that has been thrown at you...and that you still endure. When you are just trying to do the right thing. How confusing for your kids to be caught in such a baffling N game. I am wondering how they feel...how they are coping? Mine detest their Ndad....and in a way that is easier on them. But it leaves me wondering how they felt about him when he lived with us....they were overtly glad when he said he was off.