how do they know when to move in on your spot?

[Never again]

A way out that is right for you, Overwhelmed. Brilliant you for explaining what you need, and brilliant Julia for coming up with an answer!!

[pearlsb4swine]

wow!  I love it!  Julia, my hat is off to you.  Your plan is elegance itself.  The truth is a beautiful thing in this case.

a toast to Julia's plan!!!

May it cook the Egg right in his shell.

Pearls

[Legs]

Dear Over,
 Have you read this article?

http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/trait-examination-column


xoxo,
Legs

[Julia]

Wow guys, I am floored by the kudos and appreciation!! It is great to be able to help overwhelmed, and shows  that together (at WoN) we are stronger and smarter than alone. I also want to say that I am especially glad that I could be helpful, because sometimes I feel like my degree of detachment from my N, (and thus Ns in general), makes it harder for me to let you guys know that I relate; that I have been there too.

 I think my N seems pretty tame to you guys, but I want to say that part of that is because I TAMED him, yes, Julia is an N-tamer. And the tools for that are detachment (non-reactivity), validation, knowing your N, wise (but ethical) manipulation, plus a lot of luck and good timing.   I do see that I am at my most helpful here because of my non-reactivity, and that feels good.

Now overwhelmed, please be careful how much you say in each phone call, that is absolutely crucial to making him believe you. I kinda like the order I wrote out in the initial post. You just get off  the phone no matter how much more he wants to discuss because you are "too wired, too exhausted, cant think, feel like you are about to cry..." whatever will work to get off the phone. The most important thing to remember is to NOT bring up the signed agreement in the first call, that would tip him off right away.


Julia

[Chime]

Dear Over,
 Have you read this article?
http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/trait-examination-column
xoxo,
Legs

Good article Legs
thanks for the link
Chime

[RB22]

Awesome plan Julia,

((((Overwhelmed)))))

[overwhelmed]

Thanks everyone.  Legs, that article was well timed and so very helpful.  It was a relief to be honest.  It allowed me to really detach from thinking a plan was at all "going to feel bad...."  I may want to throw up in my mouth at his lines of undying love but, my heart strings feel well protected after that.

On that note, it kind of fell into my lap.....he sent a message all full of gooey bs.  I responded with a "I'm trying to believe you because I feel the same, I just don't know.....we can talk upon you returning from your trip, I need to think....."  (see other thread regarding his trip, LOL).  He jumped on that with all these lies like an egg has emotions/feelings like that    I threw a crumb after 10 of them that just said, "I hope so, thank you. Lets talk when you get back...."  And at the same time as that, I'm laughing at how on this trip, those words will mean as little to him as they do to me.  I think, right now, it's more shocking that "this is real, he really is this way....." as if I needed more proof than it is confusing.

So, as I try this plan, I'm observing his words, not attached and read in place of each of them, "silly N, I'm not dumb like you,  eggs don't have a heart or brain or feelings....."   

[JennyWren]

You`re something else girl! You picked yourself up...reclaibrated the universe...and drove on full speed ahead.

Don`t know how you did that....but you are one resourseful (still annoyingly blonde and gorgeous) person. Egg will have no clue you are in control here....so let him draw a smug expression on his gormless shell...and tread carefully....

Thinking of you...and hoping you are finding some peace in this.