Saying "I have no family" and meaning it

[Liftedup]

I've told a couple newer friends here, "I have no family" and as I have told one more and more, she has agreed.

I believe the N mother even has helped me with car repairs, to keep me from ending up homeless at her door. Of course I do not depend on this help and lately want to vomit fearing needing help as car is about to go again. For years I've hid emotions for my own survival. I can't walk, so without a car there'd be no getting groceries or nothing.

I think my husband whatever his faults, is going back into depression from endless career failures. What if we can't pay the bills again? I find myself thinking just pay rent, and electric, food and internet [internet makes some money] and forget the rest.

Sometimes watching her eat out expensive meals, live in her second home, go shopping like mad, and spend tons of money is so so hard, while I grovel and scrape and fear homelessness and having no food. Her house could be in a magazine. I experienced severe poverty in my 20s where I was abandoned.
I often pray to God how did this happen? Luke 16 in the BIble is a good chapter.
How does one not succumb to envy when their suffering has been so much? She has helped on occasion and can be generous with the occasional present, but you know I would rather have a poor mother who loved me and noticed I was alive who never could hand over a dime.

What is scary is the American economy is collapsing, and those in her position do not even want to know nor do they care. I wished sometimes I lived in another country. This place is getting scary. They are really hating the poor and blaming them now.

I never had a family where I could be "me" around them, where they care about me. None of them ever ask "How are you doing?" Even on a social website, where I have old roommates say hello, those people show more care and attention then the RELATIVES. They can't even raise a finger to press the LIKE button on anything!

They are all selfish. Even speaking with sister is kind of scary, everything is about appearances, she has become my mother. Sigh.....

[Rosemary]

Yes lifted its sometimes easier to say we have no family  cos thats how it feels to us  .My parents are dead but my
brother is still alive and i havent seen him since we buried our dad  ,thats how close we are .I dont even know his address .
He was golden ,and  is such a snob anyway ,has everything  bigger and better you know what i mean .So i agree no family is a lot easier to say .

[Dandelion]

Dear Liftedup

Yes, I hear you. I cannot afford a car. I have gotten a bike instead and guess what? I LOVE IT! Biking is so great, even when it's 0 degrees I just pack up warm and get where I am going fast.
I think we all should think about how we can change our lives due to the crisis. I know several astrologists have predicted that the crisis will last until 2024, so there is no use sitting around waiting, we might as well start growing veggie on our window sills and go biking everywhere.
My father wanted me to inherit 4 million Danish kroner. When I went NC, he wrote to me and said he would change it so I wouldn't get a dime. Who cares - I love my bike and I do NOT want to be payed to spend time with a man who is sick in his head - if I wanted that I would take a job at a psych ward. So he cut me off. I am getting 25.000 if I'm lucky - he actually made it a Big Important Task for the last 2 years to give away all his money and spend it on champagne in a bar.

So the price for my freedom was 4 million. Cheap if you ask me!

[Liftedup]

Dear Liftedup

Yes, I hear you. I cannot afford a car. I have gotten a bike instead and guess what? I LOVE IT! Biking is so great, even when it's 0 degrees I just pack up warm and get where I am going fast.
I think we all should think about how we can change our lives due to the crisis. I know several astrologists have predicted that the crisis will last until 2024, so there is no use sitting around waiting, we might as well start growing veggie on our window sills and go biking everywhere.
My father wanted me to inherit 4 million Danish kroner. When I went NC, he wrote to me and said he would change it so I wouldn't get a dime. Who cares - I love my bike and I do NOT want to be payed to spend time with a man who is sick in his head - if I wanted that I would take a job at a psych ward. So he cut me off. I am getting 25.000 if I'm lucky - he actually made it a Big Important Task for the last 2 years to give away all his money and spend it on champagne in a bar.

So the price for my freedom was 4 million. Cheap if you ask me!

I can't ride a bike too disabled. I would have taken the 4 million but then if it had too many strings attached can se why you ran. He probably would have cut you out of the will anyhow. Coming from a richer N family can be a nightmare. I was OK with being working class and living in a small rural town which I did for 10 years, when husband worked so money is not everything to me. A simple stable life actually to me is quite GOOD enough. The problem for us is all the stability is gone.

 But this poverty thing is freaking me out. I have been so poor it is what disabled me 15 years ago to begin with and lately both of us are having big time troubles. The American economy is collapsing but somehow all the N relatives manage to stay employed with coffers of cash still coming in and they remain utterly clueless.

 It is actually amazing to watch.

You know, I and husband wished we lived in Denmark or Finland or some other small nation that seems to have more sense then this one. [the USA] Being poor here means you are like treated like dirt, and the culture here in the last 10 years has really descended into an abyss. I envy some of you for not being here, seriously. Now they are talking about us being in another war which is serving some of the backdrop for my angst.

[Liftedup]

Yes lifted its sometimes easier to say we have no family  cos thats how it feels to us  .My parents are dead but my
brother is still alive and i havent seen him since we buried our dad  ,thats how close we are .I dont even know his address .
He was golden ,and  is such a snob anyway ,has everything  bigger and better you know what i mean .So i agree no family is a lot easier to say .

Yeah sometimes it is easier to just say "I have no family" or they are all deceased. That is easy for me to say, because my in-laws are all dead except husband's sister. I didn't get much of a family on either side. That is sad your brother has cut you off. I feel like the connection between me and my siblings is very thin. Everyone, I mean EVERYONE is centered only on visiting my mother and not me, but at least brother will call on occasion. Yes money, and appearances and the rest is all that matters.

For me the test in having a family is will they be there when you are ill? Mine failed that test a few times I was very sick in the hospital. I kind of knew that years ago. Actually with two new friends, I have literally been astounded how involved their families are in each other lives, and how they do help each other.

[Rosemary]

Im very lucky to have 3 kids  1  adopted with my first husband and 2 kids with my NH thats about the only good thing to come outa that marriage  the kids .They are all very good we help one another .

I have no friends either lifted as they all died young we were 4 friends at school and im the only one left .

my friends from my first marriage have  either sided with him ,or dead ,or at the other end of the country where we lived .
The friends with the stbxnh have not been good friends as hes such a dickhead ,also he tells lies about me so dont know what hes said .
I hope when this divorce is through maybe i can move into sheltered accomodation and make some friends there ,thats my plan
Dont know if i could fit in though as i like rock and blues music  ,rather than bingo and tea dancing  lol .

[Dandelion]

I can't ride a bike too disabled. I would have taken the 4 million but then if it had too many strings attached can se why you ran. He probably would have cut you out of the will anyhow. Coming from a richer N family can be a nightmare. I was OK with being working class and living in a small rural town which I did for 10 years, when husband worked so money is not everything to me. A simple stable life actually to me is quite GOOD enough. The problem for us is all the stability is gone.

 But this poverty thing is freaking me out. I have been so poor it is what disabled me 15 years ago to begin with and lately both of us are having big time troubles. The American economy is collapsing but somehow all the N relatives manage to stay employed with coffers of cash still coming in and they remain utterly clueless.

 It is actually amazing to watch.

You know, I and husband wished we lived in Denmark or Finland or some other small nation that seems to have more sense then this one. [the USA] Being poor here means you are like treated like dirt, and the culture here in the last 10 years has really descended into an abyss. I envy some of you for not being here, seriously. Now they are talking about us being in another war which is serving some of the backdrop for my angst.

I am so sorry to hear that *hugs*

Would I have stayed in contact if I knew my father would be so miserable he would take his own life? Perhaps - but not for the money. I really don't care about things and money - I care much more to have a family (of friends) that support me and makes me laugh and listens to me when I cry. I have tried making a lot of money and it didn't make me one ounce happier.

I am a sucker for nice people

I hope you have some around you that hugs you. Do you have counselling groups for disabled over there like we do here?

[Liftedup]

Im very lucky to have 3 kids  1  adopted with my first husband and 2 kids with my NH thats about the only good thing to come outa that marriage  the kids .They are all very good we help one another .

I have no friends either lifted as they all died young we were 4 friends at school and im the only one left .

my friends from my first marriage have  either sided with him ,or dead ,or at the other end of the country where we lived .
The friends with the stbxnh have not been good friends as hes such a dickhead ,also he tells lies about me so dont know what hes said .
I hope when this divorce is through maybe i can move into sheltered accomodation and make some friends there ,thats my plan
Dont know if i could fit in though as i like rock and blues music  ,rather than bingo and tea dancing  lol .

I am glad you have your kids.

I do not know how I ended up without a family. I was too sick to have children and probably was mostly infertile anyhow. I hope you can find some good sheltered accomodation. Our housing for over 55 is better here. I probably will move into some if I live that long too. I think if you choose wisely you could find one where there is good options socially.

[Liftedup]

I can understand not making choices to get money, then selling out.

I have been so poor and poor now, I know I have a lot of money issues. I would rather have family and friends around too.

I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life having me and N husbnad leave last town though we were looking  at severe poverty, for him to get job here which he lost. I should have never left my community and now its been 6 years and too late though I am trying to make best of it. My old town has been economically devestated. It has gone from a nice place to now a place where multiple home invasions are done during the day with starving, unemployed, desperate people. This one is better off, but I live on the fringes of wealthy people most of whom want nothing to do with me. I would rather be around the fellow poor people and my old church.

I am in a self-help depression group, that has been helpful. I do wish there was a disabled counseling group. My one friend in town is from this group.